The cat's reaction when she learned she was pregnant

@aviva but.. But.. I've been neutered!
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Also, I don't want little balls of wailing, snot-dripping, uncontrollably-excreting,
several-months-late crotch goblins if they are human, thanks.
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*unless they are, in fact, kittens. Then this advert is moot.
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@catfluff are you genuinely uncertain as to whether you will give birth to humans or kittens?

@Catfluff You and I know that‘s not true!
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That‘s oddly specific. Some babies aren‘t like that though. My lil cousin slept almost the whole day. He only woke up if he needed a diaper change, a bath, or some food, and then he‘ll go right back to sleep. It was that way till he was about 5 or 6.
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Wait, what human-cat party did you go to?

@shikharizard well.. Yes. It was a very rough human-cat party @aviva, to be honset, I can't even remember the name, people, cats, date, or location.
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As to your cousin - I was apparently the same way, I simply cannot tolerate kids who aren't like us - those kids who insist on screaming constantly, drooling/snotting/vomiting everywhere, and are simply badly disciplined. I HATE children like that to the utmost extent, and their parents.

@Catfluff Woah. Who‘s gonna pay child support then?
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Same here. I believe when a child is becoming too demanding, you should ignore their unimportant demands(which in most cases, is a lot). Even if they cry, they stop after a couple of minutes. If you let them have everything, they are going to be monsters. I have a 4 year old cousin who cries because it makes his mom give him stuff. She works about 10 hours a day and needs her peace when she gets back. So she tries to minimize the noise by basically letting him have what he wants. Her kid lied that I did something that I didn‘t to his dad(my uncle) over the phone. My uncle asked to speak with me but because he wasn‘t done talking, he hit the end button. Little petty thing lol.

Sorry I took so long to reply, haven't really had time to sit down and properly reply yet.
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Not me, that's why they are up for adoption :,-) chucking my responsibilities like a responsible catto.
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I agree. You encourage the behaviour if you are just giving in to their unimportant fussy demands to keep them quiet. Of course, one should investigate whether the reasoning is legitimate, and provide an alternative suggestion to their demand if possible, but otherwise I would tell them, "look, this is unnecessary and I'm not going to pay attention to you until you stop your nonsense. If you have a real problem, I would be happy to help you."

@Catfluff I refuse to let you give up your kids!!
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Now you sound like customer service lol. You have a point though. For some reason, my little cousin takes pleasure in trying to drive me crazy. Recently, when he‘s done bathing, he feels so proud that he‘s clean and rubs his butt and privates on me. His brother once coughed up mucus on my arm and licked it off. And my uncle still doesn‘t get why I dislike being around a lot of kids.

@aviva wtf did I just read.. GROSS. @Catfluff licking your legs is distinctly less disgusting than this. W T F

@shikharizard Sorry lol. Now you have to buy eye bleach

Seriously.. this is some pretty nasty stuff yo

And that‘s why I don‘t feel comfortable going there often

@aviva I need brain bleach instead.
Yeah, I'm not good with people, much less kids, hence I switch over to being professional instead.
I honestly don't know how to deal with people if I'm not being overly familiar / overly snappy / overly professional. When I'm in a bad mood, I tend to switch to cold business, or a total hurtful passive aggressive bitch. I'm still trying to learn how to control it.
@shikharizard Uh... Continue the licking of the legs I guess?

@Catfluff Proceed. And start working on @Xvarnah or I have to keep drowning cuddly little furballs

LICKS ANGRILY

Don't you try and enlist people in your shenanigans now, young/old man

@Xvarnah too late. And you know how old I am.. I’m younger than you!

If you did indeed say your age I missed it. Either way, young man it is

Fuck. I assumed you would’ve kept track and I could’ve used that as context. I’m just going to put you at 34 and call it a day

Haha I have actually absolutely no clue how old you are. I'm assuming now you did say it sometime, probably to Aviva, but who knows. The only time I recall seeing someone mention your age was tbag and I wasn't really reading those comments
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Whatever makes you happy ;)

@Xvarnah sure mom.
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Whoops. That just slipped out.

To Grim, and to Fuckbag.

That sounds like a performance problem

A lack of tightness actually

Why is it do you suppose we have to corrupt every single post about cats?
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I feel we're quickly devolving into that "why can't you just be normal" meme

For the record. When they call for my head in the streets, I’m still going to be pleading about how it’s always you who “takes it there” and how it’s always me who gets the blame.
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I suppose that’s my primary function as a male

@shikharizard if I recall it was actually @jasonmon who decided to take it there not that long ago. Also you'd likely have a stronger case if you didn't have the blood of 9000 cats on your hands
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And here I was thinking males had a different primary function

@Xvarnah you can’t talk your way out of your crimes.. that privilege is reserved for me. It’s 9 so far- and they’re on your tombstone already.
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Nah, this is defintiely it. Males have other functions, but most women are aware of them. I guess you could say it’s a matter of perspective.
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Edit: oh and I think you’ve forgotten how that went. It was the only the blood of one cat... and on my lips not my hands. Would you like me to tell the story again? Just to remind you?

I think you just talked your way into them on that other post
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So your primary function is to be blamed by women?
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I think you may be killing the cats wrong <.<

@Xvarnah Shamelessly.
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It feels like that sometimes >.>
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Funny, a girls never complained before, I mean... oh I think we’re talking about different cats here. Yeah I drown those ones- you really don’t pay attention huh?

If that's the case I'm surprised you're not a meat-eater after all
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Oh I knew exactly which cat you were talking about <.<

@Xvarnah I am. Something you never needed to know about me but I think it’ll serve to scar you adequately- I’m actually a great connoisseur of cat meat. Love it. I have gorged myself many a time. Hopefully many more to come ;)
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As previously specified, it’s the only meat I eat. In that context.

Yes haha, and I was referring to the other kind of meat in that context

@Xvarnah there was no way to know, so I chose a universally applicable response

STOP MURDERING THE PUSSY

I have literally never had a girl ask me to stop.. it’s always been.. anyways.

@catfluff has fallen

@Xvarnah fainted? Or... murdered? ;)

SILENCE!!!

@shikharizard fallen into the gutter

@Xvarnah ahhh the gutter. A magical place. My mind has spent some time there- I can show you around if you like? Actually, who knows. You might know it better than me.

I'm fairly certain I know my way around. Not sure if catfluff knows what she's in for however

@aviva @xvarnah I've been in the gutter for a while already, my friends (the ally cats and rats) managed to corrupt me over the years. I've tried taking a bath in the mean time, hoping to seem a little... less guttery..

@catfluff Lemme run the shower for you

Side story: a couple years back I was in between cars, so one weekend a girl I was seeing had to take the bus home from my place. I walked her to the bus stop, kiss her, she gets on the bus and I start walking home.
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And then I got the funniest 3 texts of my life- at least I laughed harder than ever before, or ever since.
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“Ow”
“I just tried sitting down”
“You really beat that pussy up”
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I laughed so hard. I responded and apologized, saying I hoped I hadn’t hurt her.
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“No, no. That’s not a bad thing. When are we doing this again”
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What a magical day.

Well I suppose she should be thankful it wasn't her ass

Yeah it’s a shame we never got around to that

It certainly would have made that bus ride a lot more uncomfortable at any rate

As a youth of high school age I told myself that the mark of a job well done would be if the girl couldn’t stand or sit comfortably the next day. It took me until 22, but I made it happen.
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See I think the real take-away here is: never give up on your dreams ;)

Haha well I think that depends on the girl and the day, but either way at least it's off your bucket list

Off the list? Nah it’s one of those mainstays that you just want to keep doing again and again. You don’t do something amazing once and then just cross it off your list! You do it again, and next time you aim higher. Next time it’ll be a week, a month, a year, in a wheelchair for life... so on and so forth, you get it.

And for the record, yes that was a joke- though perhaps a dark one.

I'm pretty sure you can't actually put someone in a wheelchair that way lmao. Unless you perforate something, perhaps. But let's just not go there

Well, I'm actually glad about that, but it won't stop me trying. No, not to perforate something.

I‘m unfollowing the post, @catfluff . Tag me if you want to talk to me :)

We’ll miss you @Aviva - catch you on the next cat post we corrupt!

@aviva thanks for the shower! I'm now squeaky clean, fuzzy, and my fur is soft :3

@catfluff And you have no more ticks

@Aviva @Catfluff What?! I liked her Ti—!!! Ohhh, you said TICKS. Yeah that’s really great! That’s just lovely.

Heheh

@Catfluff ;)