That's like @mrscollector said, deliberately being hurtful vs being straightforward. Certain people I know are also "straightforward" but then throw out uncalled for opinions in derogatory demeaning language - like when someone slightly larger walks by "Sies, kyk hoe dik is hy/sy. Dit maak my naar. Hoe kan mense so wees, huh?"
translated "Gross, look how disgustingly fat they are. It makes me nauseous. How can people be like that, huh?" and when I came home about 6kgs heavier than normal (48 --> 52/54 on 151 cm height) proceeded to pinch my cheek, poke my arm, and said "Jy't darem lekker dik geword né." in a nasty tone (translated "You got quite fat hey?" note that I was, for the first time in my life, on the normal bmi scale instead of underweight, and I was already feeling shit about it)
So @shikharizard, if you are being an outright cunt like that, it is no wonder. If you are not, as you have stated, then you may just need to find the right people.
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· 5 years ago
@Catfluff holy crap, wasn’t expecting that. No I’m not quite that bad..
There is a difference between honest and being kind.
You can tell the truth with out hurting people's feelings.
I love this man truely I do. And of course he didn't mean it the way it seems. But truth is alot of assholes think they can say whatever they want and quote this line.
My 2nd to youngest brother does that. He is an asshole than says hay I am just being honest. No you are purposely being a dick but don't want to admit it because than you will be totally alone.
Sorry sorry about the rant.
Just had an argument with my dick head of a brother. Sorry.
... He is such an ass.
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Edited 5 years ago
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· 5 years ago
I don't know if this is difficult for you to talk about, but would you be willing to try? I would love to hear an example from someone else, describing an instance of your brother's behaviour, because unfortunately I'm that guy. I'm brutally direct, and I frankly don't care who doesn't like it, because I AM just being honest. I shouldn't have to hide, or massage the truth to spare someone's feelings. Almost by definition, that IS dishonest, and it feels dishonest.
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But I get so so sooooo much pushback - it has even my arrogant, over-confident ass wondering if I overdo it. I hate mincing words, which is why I say things as I see them. Would you be willing to share?
No it's fine I can give examples.
Ok so first example was he was asked to go to the store for our aunt who was stuck at home due to leg surgery.
He said and I quote "Fine I will do it but only after I get paid for it because we all know the only reason no one else will do it for her is because she is a bitch." He said it infront of her.
And truth is she isn't a bitch she has dementia. A lot of people who get dementia end up switching personalities when it happens.
Another time he was talking to our neice who at the time was only 6 yrs old. Her parents my youngest brother and his gf were getting married in a few days. Our neice said "My mom and Dad are getting married and I get to be the flower girl." My brother told her. "Yeah good for you, you will no longer be a bastard."
She asked What is a bastard?
He told her "When your mommy and daddy fucked without being married and had you. So you are called a bastard. While I was born with my parents being married so I am better than you."
Yeah... I'm sorry, but your little bro is a dick. You can show him my comment if that might help.
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I'm not nearly that bad, so I'll keep doing what I'm doing. Thank you for sharing, it actually means a lot.
She ran off crying to her Dad our youngest brother. He nearly killed our him for saying that.
And his response was hay I was just telling her the truth.
He just 3 days ago he told our mom who has cancer and her hair is coming out due to treatments that she looks like a bald fat midget. And told her to stay in the car when they went to the gas station because people would think the circus was in town. It made her cry. He said sorry but that's what you look like do you want me to lie.
That is what we argued about. I told him you tell her she is beautiful and such don't ever fucking tell her that again or so fucking help me I will take a plane down to Texas and beat the ever loving fucking shit out of you till the cops have to pull me off your fucking dead corpse.
He said he just told the truth she asked him how she looked and he told the truth. Don't have to get all butt hurt about it.
Soooo yeah see how he is.
Telling the truth doesn't mean hurt people's feelings.
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Edited 5 years ago
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· 5 years ago
All of that is actually twisted... it's not even just being a dick.
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My concern before hearing examples is I might match the description I was going to hear... very glad that I don't. I don't tell the truth TO hurt people's feelings. I just don't care if people's feelings are hurt when I do tell the truth. I suppose it's a fine line, but there's a big difference.
There is ways you can tell the truth and not hurt people's feelings.
Like with my my first example he should of said. "Ok I will do it but you better say thank you after I do." That way you are saying hay you are pretty rude to people who help you and I am only doing this to be nice.
Second example he should of just of kept his damn mouth shut. No kid of 6 needs to know that stuff.
3 example he should of said she looks like she is getting better or looks good or anything nice. Not mentioning the obvious negative truth is not lie. It is sparing their feelings. You talk about the positive truth.
It maybe raining but you don't bitch and moan about the rain you say hay guess the flower garden won't need watering today.
This is how I lost my girlfriend. It's probably best not to talk so much. Even if you trust the person
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· 5 years ago
NO FUCKING WAY. This is how I lost my girlfriend, I knew I couldn't be the ONLY one, but I really thought I was the 'only one' whose relationship ended on such stupid grounds..
translated "Gross, look how disgustingly fat they are. It makes me nauseous. How can people be like that, huh?" and when I came home about 6kgs heavier than normal (48 --> 52/54 on 151 cm height) proceeded to pinch my cheek, poke my arm, and said "Jy't darem lekker dik geword né." in a nasty tone (translated "You got quite fat hey?" note that I was, for the first time in my life, on the normal bmi scale instead of underweight, and I was already feeling shit about it)
You can tell the truth with out hurting people's feelings.
I love this man truely I do. And of course he didn't mean it the way it seems. But truth is alot of assholes think they can say whatever they want and quote this line.
My 2nd to youngest brother does that. He is an asshole than says hay I am just being honest. No you are purposely being a dick but don't want to admit it because than you will be totally alone.
Sorry sorry about the rant.
Just had an argument with my dick head of a brother. Sorry.
... He is such an ass.
.
But I get so so sooooo much pushback - it has even my arrogant, over-confident ass wondering if I overdo it. I hate mincing words, which is why I say things as I see them. Would you be willing to share?
Ok so first example was he was asked to go to the store for our aunt who was stuck at home due to leg surgery.
He said and I quote "Fine I will do it but only after I get paid for it because we all know the only reason no one else will do it for her is because she is a bitch." He said it infront of her.
And truth is she isn't a bitch she has dementia. A lot of people who get dementia end up switching personalities when it happens.
Another time he was talking to our neice who at the time was only 6 yrs old. Her parents my youngest brother and his gf were getting married in a few days. Our neice said "My mom and Dad are getting married and I get to be the flower girl." My brother told her. "Yeah good for you, you will no longer be a bastard."
She asked What is a bastard?
He told her "When your mommy and daddy fucked without being married and had you. So you are called a bastard. While I was born with my parents being married so I am better than you."
.
I'm not nearly that bad, so I'll keep doing what I'm doing. Thank you for sharing, it actually means a lot.
And his response was hay I was just telling her the truth.
He just 3 days ago he told our mom who has cancer and her hair is coming out due to treatments that she looks like a bald fat midget. And told her to stay in the car when they went to the gas station because people would think the circus was in town. It made her cry. He said sorry but that's what you look like do you want me to lie.
That is what we argued about. I told him you tell her she is beautiful and such don't ever fucking tell her that again or so fucking help me I will take a plane down to Texas and beat the ever loving fucking shit out of you till the cops have to pull me off your fucking dead corpse.
He said he just told the truth she asked him how she looked and he told the truth. Don't have to get all butt hurt about it.
Soooo yeah see how he is.
Telling the truth doesn't mean hurt people's feelings.
.
My concern before hearing examples is I might match the description I was going to hear... very glad that I don't. I don't tell the truth TO hurt people's feelings. I just don't care if people's feelings are hurt when I do tell the truth. I suppose it's a fine line, but there's a big difference.
Like with my my first example he should of said. "Ok I will do it but you better say thank you after I do." That way you are saying hay you are pretty rude to people who help you and I am only doing this to be nice.
Second example he should of just of kept his damn mouth shut. No kid of 6 needs to know that stuff.
3 example he should of said she looks like she is getting better or looks good or anything nice. Not mentioning the obvious negative truth is not lie. It is sparing their feelings. You talk about the positive truth.
It maybe raining but you don't bitch and moan about the rain you say hay guess the flower garden won't need watering today.