We once believed it was the woman's fault for breakups she didn't do something she should of or did something she shouldn't have. Than we went to it was the man's fault he did something to her. But now we are beginning to realize that sometimes the asshole is the woman. Sometimes the woman was the abusive one, the cheater, and /or the crazy one.
But remember if you have 1 bad/crazy ex ok you had a bad experience.
2 bad/crazy exs you have bad luck with relationships.
3 bad/crazy exs wow you really need to rethink about your ex's because it just might not be them but you.
And any more like 4+ yeah it is you.
And that is one of the ways it is not the people you are with but you. You seeking the people knowingly or unknowingly makes it you the problem. You want those people in your life but than when it gets to much or to hard you say they were the wrong ones.
When truly it was you finding them and more than likely feeding their abusive or crazy sides instead of trying to heal them or find someone who is not like them.
Yeah they shouldn't be like that but you wanted that either consciously or unconsciously.
The other type of YOU are the problem is that you MAKE people act crazy or so due to your own personality and/or ways. You made a person who would normally be a good person act as a crazy jealous and/or abusive person by pushing people to their breaking point.
Here is an example.
My grandmother grew up with a woman who was only 4 ft 5in she was small sweet and never hurt a soul. Believed in all people there was good.
Till one day after she was married for 20+ yrs she took her cast iron skillet waited in her kitchen on a stepping stool behind the kitchen door. When her husband came in the kitchen she brought the skillet down on his hard with such force it broke his skull and shoved it down into his neck and chest.
Why she do it? She said her husband would berate every thing she did. How she cooked how she cleaned how she raised the kids. He never did it in public just behind closed doors. She begged him to stop begged him to be kind. He didn't he was on his way into the kitchen because he claimed she burned his steak. So she had it and killed him. My grandmother said she smiled all the way to jail.
But the funny thing is yes he pushed her to breaking point but she was raised by a father who was just like her husband.
So... Toxic people are... toxic. It’s in the name. There is no silence about toxic people and cutting them out of your life. It’s a cliche. There’s a firm distinction between a woman who is toxic and an idea of toxic femininity. I suspect this person is meaning to refer to women and some form of toxic femininity?
There’s no silence about it. We have all sorts of special words, mostly derogatory, from “gold digger” to “slut”- a word that by definition is only intended to refer to women and not men. I mean, the “crazy ex wife,” the “nag” the “harpy” the “shrew,” and at great length for at least 30 years the “emasculator” has been discussed in serious clinical environments as well as anecdotally. There’s the “bitch,” “high maintenance” “baby crazy” a long and colorful list of words to describe various flavors of woman and behaviors men might find toxic or unpleasant referring primarily or specifically to women.
Men are less likely to seek therapy- for both their own behavior and emotions as well as for traumatic events. We know that. There are entire campaigns and movements aimed at telling men it is ok to get help. Men are less likely to talk about their feelings, generally have or use less tools to express their emotions and or feel uncomfortable in doing so on average. This is known and discussed.
These problems- it is also worth noting- are elements of traditional male gender roles which in recent times have been labeled as toxic masculinity. In other words- toxic masculinity isn’t just something that negatively impacts women- it hurts the emotional and mental well being of men as well- and we have heard quite a bit about toxic masculinity as of late. There is no silence there. The whole idea of toxic masculinity is to bring social change to break harmful traditional male gender roles, the same ones that make it more likely for a man to “suffer through” hardship instead of walk away, for prides sake. The ones that stifle men’s ability to express themselves.
I think it is good to speak out and let men know that they do not have to be made victims. It is good to let men know options and resources,l. It is good to help let men know the feelings of being inna toxic relationship and the signs and behaviors of a toxic relationship. To empower men with tools to constructively participate in advocating a better society and negotiating social dynamics.
That said- “women can be toxic too....” “no one talks about that!” That isn’t constructive. It isn’t helpful. It’s jingoism. It easily feeds into a narrative, a classic narrative, that there isn’t a male responsibility to communicate. “She was being difficult. It was totally toxic...” or that women “bring it on themselves” “oh- I don’t even feel bad. She deserved it. She was toxic.”
Extreme distillations of concept to the point- but none the less the fact is that there isn’t a positivity to this message. There isn’t anything actionable about it. There is no guidance on how to interpret it or what to do about it.
It’s statements like these that are heard as just whining- it is in essence whataboutism. When you want to talk about what we don’t hear about- why is it that many of these pushes for “men’s rights” or “white rights” etc didn’t come about until we started seeing women and people of color step up popular movements for their rights?
Ask yourself why that might be. You see- that’s the nature of “whataboutism,” it isn’t about solving problems- it’s about changing narratives or defending behavior. In light of toxic masculinity suddenly people want to discuss toxic femininity. If it’s such a pervasive and important issue to people- why weren’t they discussing it before the toxic behaviors and gender roles of men were being discussed?
It’s reactionary and defensive. It’s when your roommate asks you to put your socks up off the floor so you say: “well what about you huh? You’re a mess. You never put the cap back on the shampoo!” The fact you noticed means it is something that bothers you. The fact you never brought it up until confronted about your behavior strongly suggests that it didn’t bother you enough to mention it, until you became defensive or wanted to excuse your behavior. It’s a method of deflection. I ask you to change so you hang your changing on my changing- it is no longer on you- it’s on me now.
People have problems and when one is in pain, they cant see any further than their own suffering and in the process, they hurt the people around them.
Being a human means you gonna get hurt and you gonna hurt others whether you want it or not (even without being aware of your own actions)
You either sit there thinking about how others have "destroy" your goodness or take your time, do your things and move on.
In the end, it's just you.
But remember if you have 1 bad/crazy ex ok you had a bad experience.
2 bad/crazy exs you have bad luck with relationships.
3 bad/crazy exs wow you really need to rethink about your ex's because it just might not be them but you.
And any more like 4+ yeah it is you.
When truly it was you finding them and more than likely feeding their abusive or crazy sides instead of trying to heal them or find someone who is not like them.
Yeah they shouldn't be like that but you wanted that either consciously or unconsciously.
The other type of YOU are the problem is that you MAKE people act crazy or so due to your own personality and/or ways. You made a person who would normally be a good person act as a crazy jealous and/or abusive person by pushing people to their breaking point.
My grandmother grew up with a woman who was only 4 ft 5in she was small sweet and never hurt a soul. Believed in all people there was good.
Till one day after she was married for 20+ yrs she took her cast iron skillet waited in her kitchen on a stepping stool behind the kitchen door. When her husband came in the kitchen she brought the skillet down on his hard with such force it broke his skull and shoved it down into his neck and chest.
Why she do it? She said her husband would berate every thing she did. How she cooked how she cleaned how she raised the kids. He never did it in public just behind closed doors. She begged him to stop begged him to be kind. He didn't he was on his way into the kitchen because he claimed she burned his steak. So she had it and killed him. My grandmother said she smiled all the way to jail.
But the funny thing is yes he pushed her to breaking point but she was raised by a father who was just like her husband.
Being a human means you gonna get hurt and you gonna hurt others whether you want it or not (even without being aware of your own actions)
You either sit there thinking about how others have "destroy" your goodness or take your time, do your things and move on.
In the end, it's just you.