No serious the couch got folds between cushions and then you wake up and yo' dick is jammed in one. THIS IS A VERY REAL THING AND IT IS A PROBLEM.
edit: of course the dream is nice 99% of the time... then there's the 1% where you imagine youself buttfucking a Balrog... and as you're the one rubbing the prostate of a Balrog... Fuck you Gimili, no stone unturned? NO STONE?
Ironically all my friends that have couches I'd crash on; they are all leather couches... I don't like leather. Too much slide is also a very real thing. Anyway, I just tried explaining the concept of zero to my mom without trying to trigger her "accountant mode"... and... 4 hrs later, nothing so I gave up.
Hi. Gave up, I'm dad.
I shit you not at one point I asked her to stay silent so I could eat; it lasted 29 seconds. I didn't count... I watched the oven. She was fixing stuff for much later in today's afternoon for her friends... and I watched the oven and I fucking counted. There have been times I've been royally pissed and gone to such lengths acquiring truths to present... but in that moment... I fucking started twitching. Not an eye; that happens... my entire fucking body.
I said she couldn't even listen to silence.. again we're going on about zero and whatever the fuck that idea really is... and then... under her breath "...like a cancer grows".
WHAT THE FUCK MOM
I was like come over here and watch Space Force with me; if you pay attention you'll laugh.
None of this is funny, my microwave might be broke, I don't know where my cat is, apparently the entire pooldeck needs re-coating and I have to scrub my entire pool with a little fucking hand brush.... which I bought for an entirely different reason but thank god it was enough to stop her from wrecking my entire grow op. She saw it; t'was the first thing I showed her... but there was no way in HELL I'd let her get near it.
In any case, Space Force is so much better than I expected; it's not a rip... it's sincere.
deleted
· 4 years ago
I've read probably millions of words over the course of my lifetime but whatever the fuck I just witnessed has probably impacted my psyche more than anything else ever has
2
deleted
· 4 years ago
How did my man start with a couch and end up rating Space Force, absolute madlad
even with this headset on off, it's awesome. I can hear my stomach, my breathing and the pops as my bones crack. That last part is important as I'm unsure about my spine from furniture moving last week. I felt a pop and I just kinda started melting... bout halfway down my thought was "chair chair chair"
Deathly beats and a Siren song. Which reminds me.. i shit you not I had a beets joke in the middle of the argument. She got all butthurt about my b-day present (wireless headphones) and was like "I thought that was for your TV, not the computer"... fair enough... BUT I'M NOT THE ONE THAT HAS DECLARED VOLUME WARS AND CAN HEAR YOUR HGDV SHOW FROM TWO FUCKING HOUSES AWAY.
Oh, and apparently we were growing beets and I'm the cause of skunks eating them. The fuck? Like give the one plant I'm left with 2 months, lemme put it outside as it flowers, and let us really see... I should have a funking skunk army by that point.
edit: of course the dream is nice 99% of the time... then there's the 1% where you imagine youself buttfucking a Balrog... and as you're the one rubbing the prostate of a Balrog... Fuck you Gimili, no stone unturned? NO STONE?
Hi. Gave up, I'm dad.
I shit you not at one point I asked her to stay silent so I could eat; it lasted 29 seconds. I didn't count... I watched the oven. She was fixing stuff for much later in today's afternoon for her friends... and I watched the oven and I fucking counted. There have been times I've been royally pissed and gone to such lengths acquiring truths to present... but in that moment... I fucking started twitching. Not an eye; that happens... my entire fucking body.
WHAT THE FUCK MOM
None of this is funny, my microwave might be broke, I don't know where my cat is, apparently the entire pooldeck needs re-coating and I have to scrub my entire pool with a little fucking hand brush.... which I bought for an entirely different reason but thank god it was enough to stop her from wrecking my entire grow op. She saw it; t'was the first thing I showed her... but there was no way in HELL I'd let her get near it.