The audacity

Agreed. If you aren’t getting what you feel you need in a relationship, you should talk to your partner and let them know. If you’ve talked and things still aren’t where you want them to be, you either need to leave and find someone who can be the person you want, decide you’re willing to stay and work on things long term or adjust your expectations and live with things. The partner who is cheated on may not need to change. That’s something they have to decide. I had a friend who was young and married. He and his wife were saving for a home hard. He worked lots and lots.

He was determined to get them out of the bad situation they were in as fast as possible and she wanted out badly too. She ended up cheating on him because he was never around. He was less than 6 months away from their goal. After the divorce and another year of hard saving (he lost 1/2 what he saved) he went to a more normal but still dedicated work schedule. He found a woman who has given him 30 years of happy marriage- who loves him dearly but understands that he is a driven and dedicated man and that also applies to his work and his earning. He got many promotions in his career and makes good money and they live well.

He didn’t need to change, he just needed someone who appreciated who he was and could live with a partner who put the long term success and security of the family as a priority. His ex wife- as angry as I am to this day with her for what she put him through and betraying his trust like that- other than maturing she didn’t need to change really either. It’s ok that isn’t the life she wanted, that they just weren’t compatible. But it isn’t ok that she couldn’t be honest with him or be up front about things. Sometimes people just don’t work together and that doesn’t mean either one needs to change- but it isn’t ok to cheat on someone you’ve made a commitment to. That is something a person should work on, that is something they lack that ruined the relationship.