If we want to get technical- you don’t know the gender of anyone you date unless you ask them, or they tell you. Gender in the specific sense can refer to biological sex, but gender in the non specific sense refers to a gender identity. In either sense, you don’t actually KNOW what gender they are, you merely have clues- in the case of gender as an identity you can compare their pronouns, style of dress, and other things considered as parts of a “gender role” to what you consider the standard of those things. In terms of sex- you can look for primary and secondary sex characteristics, body hair, muscle composition, bone structure, and of course- genitals. But none of these things will definitively tell you either their chromosomal sex or their gender identity. Those can only indicate to you what you would classify them as by your standards, but short of them telling you and you believing it, or a DNA test- you really can’t know.
omfg, I can't believe *i* of all people am getting told this.
No-one in my friend group is cishet, believe me, I know.
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Obviously I can't tell someone's gender from looking.
"gender is a personal thing, it's up to the individual." is what a doctor told my mom when talking about my identity, and I'm SUPER glad they told her that.
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I refer to everyone with they/them until they give me their pronouns.
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All I'm saying, is that I'll date any gender, cis or otherwise, as long as they're feminine. I don't have a genital preference either, so I'd be fine with whatever they have.
Oh nah lydia. I don’t know you. I wasn’t telling you anything. cakelover asked “you don’t know what gender the people you date are?” And I was following up on that- technically- none of us know what gender the people we date are. Sometimes-!they may not even know. My intent wasn’t to speak to what you had said, but to bring up the point, and also make sure that for anyone coming along to read the thread who may not be aware of that, that they were aware. Gender has unfortunately become a politicized issue as I am sure you know first hand from what it sounds like. Much of the conflict comes from the two possible definitions of gender and how they are often conflated or ignored, or a general inability to completely grasp the concepts involved.
Personally, I’m not hung up on gender, or gender conformity, binary genders, etc. because their only weight really lies in certain issues of reproduction and in certain medical and technical issues. If you aren’t a doctor/scientist working with a purpose where certain information is important in a functional way, or looking to make babies- there isn’t a lot of meaning there to the external observer. Other than using gender identity or gender as a sex to categorize and label ones sexuality- another abstract and artificial concept which has a narrow scope of functional use- other than as a social construct.
And of course lydia- I am not telling you this as fact as though you don’t know either. I am both expressing my views on the issue, as well as presenting the information for others consideration. As I am sure you know- there is often confusion and debate about many things concerning these labels. “Is it gay for a man to be pegged by a woman...” “if a chromosomal male has sex with a transsexual chromosomal female who has had gender reassignment surgery and sucks her penis, is that ‘gay’ or is it ‘gayer’ than if he has sex with a chromosomal male who’s had gender reassignment surgery?” I mean- on biological sex as determined by chromosomes- a man sleeping with a “woman with a penis” is not “homosexual” as her sex is biologically female even if her gender traits like gentians dont match what society thinks belong to a ‘woman.’
So presented for the consideration of anyone reading, especially those who do not understand the issues or have confusion etc- our insistence on systems of classification based on narrow definitions doesn’t really work. All the “gray areas” where we can’t answer these types of questions as to how a thing should be classified- and how society doesn’t actually adhere to the technical definitions set forth by those systems- illustrates that our classification systems don’t actually do their job. If everything is an apple, an orange, or a banana- and there is a red bowling ball in front of you- do you just call it an apple? If you order apple juice and got crushed up red bowling balls and water- that’s fine with you? Probably not. A system of classification should have a purpose, and if the system doesn’t work.... it needs to be changed to reflect reality. And reality is- there is more to the world than 2 gender identities or 3 types of sexuality, and at the end of the day-
Either two people are attracted and want to have sex or they don’t. Those same two people either want that sex to end in impregnation or they don’t. Two people get along or they don’t. The rest is all just labels and artificial restrictions.
No worries. I’m sorry for any negative feelings or offense that may have initially caused. But I was not upset or anything, I think it is reasonable that one could read that and assume it was in response to your comment. I didn’t specify, and the ambiguity that I left caused the error. So I am sorry.
As long as they're feminine, kind and around average weight, idk what gender they are.
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That's pretty much it.
No-one in my friend group is cishet, believe me, I know.
.
Obviously I can't tell someone's gender from looking.
"gender is a personal thing, it's up to the individual." is what a doctor told my mom when talking about my identity, and I'm SUPER glad they told her that.
.
I refer to everyone with they/them until they give me their pronouns.
.
All I'm saying, is that I'll date any gender, cis or otherwise, as long as they're feminine. I don't have a genital preference either, so I'd be fine with whatever they have.