We are not built to remember the bad ones more.
We are built to remember the ones with high emotions more.
Like I remember things far back in my childhood of pure joy.
Like when I was maybe 4 and I had a popples doll. I had gotten it stuck and I couldn’t pull it out it’s pouch. So I went to my mom who was in the bath and asked if she could undo the toy. She did it and handed it back. I was so happy I jumped up and down and skipped out the room.
I asked my mom about it and she remembered it as well and was shocked I did.
I also remember bad things like it was winter and I always maybe 2 or 3.
There was snow on the ground and I was outside I somehow got locked out. I remember seeing my potty chair on the back porch and I sat on it to potty than my grandmother sees me in through the window and screams. She runs outside and scoops me up. I still remember the sound of the screen door slamming closed behind her as she carried me in.
So see we just wired to remember most emotional ones
So a distinction here is that studies indicate that humans are “wired to...” and there is data from different sources to support this, but stating it as plain unqualified fact isn’t completely accurate.
With that said- it’s not exactly the whole truth either. There are studies on this as well, but Anecdotally- remembering good things is extremely important too. Remembering feeling happy to find a place with food, or the pleasant feeling of sleeping somewhere warm and safe and dry. Remembering good things can help us form patterns for success and generally survive too. Remembering what types of people or animals or plants are dangerous to us (“bad memory”) is important, but so is remembering the ones that are helpful or conducive to survival (“good memory.”)
What the deal here is, we are able to remember “bad” things easier, in more detail, that are much “smaller.” Some of that has to do with your culture and life experience and personality- but in general most people are more likely to recall the kid from childhood who refused to let them borrow a pencil than the kid who let them borrow a pencil. The need to borrow a pencil or whatever minor thing in this case is relatively not severe. So I’d the benefit or magnitude of a person doing a single “small kindness” in a practical and direct sense. But most people are more able to recall even small “bad” experiences, even from childhood, than “good.”
Now- there are exceptions to this. Sometimes even small things can mean a lot to us. Some people are also naturally very sensitive and appreciative, not taking things for granted. If you’re a person who has lived a life where small kindnesses were less common than “bad” treatment- you’ll also be more likely to remember those times people were kind.
So for example- we can say anecdotally that most people, on a long drive, will remember or tell the story of the “bad driver” who cut them off or whatever vs. tell the story of the nice driver who let them merge. But that isn’t conclusive proof you remember “bad things” more considering that in most developed countries- most drivers we encounter aren’t that bad- even if we sometimes feel the other way. That’s generally perception bias. Most drivers generally follow the rules and are reasonably mannered on the road. If it weren’t so, telling a story about a bad driver wouldn’t really be worthy of a story would it? How many Hollywood films are made about the lives of “average” “ordinary” people on an “average ordinary day”? Most stories through history cover things that are somewhat or extremely novel- the mundane “average” doesn’t tend to make a story that interests us.
But to some degree- it seems that “bad memories” form more easily, and are more detailed. “Good memories” tend to be more abstract. Some are “vivid” particularly if they are formative memories- exceptional cases that really touched us emotionally and imprinted- a “good memory” is more often abstract- a feeling. Perhaps “person/place/thing” involved in our happiness. A day at Disneyland- you may remember the people you went with, a few moments through the day, but overall thinking about the day will just give you a feeling- “I liked that day...” contrast that to a story of someone who was tortured or kidnapped and often recalls pretty much the entire day down to things like what they or others were wearing, scents, individual sensory moments like what the ground felt like or the temperature.
Of course memory is unreliable- which makes the whole thing somewhat muddied. Generally, when you remember you are remembering a memory. A copy where the old memory is deleted each time. Things can get mixed up, added, removed, changed. Eyewitness testimony is one of the least reliable forms of information on a series of events unless you have enough quality witnesses and some sort of controls to proof against in order to be able to make a decent reconstruction.
So even if you remember every tiny detail such as the fragrance a person was wearing.... you may not actually be “remembering it” but just literally making it up in your mind without realizing it.
But let’s just pretend people remember more “bad than good.” Most people know the word “trauma” for the imprinting of a seriously bad event that occurred to someone, a memory so strong that even if we don’t recall the details it can change the structure of our minds radically. Is there such a universally known and used word to express an extremely good memory? Without looking it up, I doubt you’ll find a lot of people who know what the “good” analog to “trauma” is. And in truth - how many people have had a single moment so good that all by itself, that moment competition changed their way of thinking and doing things potentially for the rest of their lives?
But let’s not be cynical here. Nihilists often do that. I mean, everyone dies, we have no universal way of knowing anything or to measure or give purpose blah blah. I ask... so what? What does that matter? Same applies here.
Just because humans might more easily form “bad memories” off of less severe experiences and remember those in more detail- is that inherently negative? The fact you’re more likely to remember the “bad things” would potentially indicate the the “good things” are sort of taken for granted- expected to be the norm. Our brains generally, good or bad, aren’t “wired” to hold on to mundane details. We can train and develop them to- but it isn’t really a survival imperative to remember extraneous and mundane details.
We are built to remember the ones with high emotions more.
Like I remember things far back in my childhood of pure joy.
Like when I was maybe 4 and I had a popples doll. I had gotten it stuck and I couldn’t pull it out it’s pouch. So I went to my mom who was in the bath and asked if she could undo the toy. She did it and handed it back. I was so happy I jumped up and down and skipped out the room.
I asked my mom about it and she remembered it as well and was shocked I did.
I also remember bad things like it was winter and I always maybe 2 or 3.
There was snow on the ground and I was outside I somehow got locked out. I remember seeing my potty chair on the back porch and I sat on it to potty than my grandmother sees me in through the window and screams. She runs outside and scoops me up. I still remember the sound of the screen door slamming closed behind her as she carried me in.
So see we just wired to remember most emotional ones