As we can see whenever a serious discussion of gender identity or sexuality arises- things are a touch more complicated than a binary “homo” “hetero” structure.
In male masturbation, a man will generally fondle a penis for his sexual pleasure. Is this gay? Is it not gay because it is his own penis, or if he is thinking of a woman? Would having a woman fondle the penis while thinking about men be “more” or “less” gay than having another man do so while thinking about women? Are both equally “gay” regardless of who is involved or what is turning us on?
If it is about what arouses us- compare Recieving oral sex with a man “passing” as a woman to oral sex with a woman who is completely passing as a “manly man.” Which scenario becomes homosexual and for who exactly?
Is it homosexual for a man to receive anal play from a woman? If it is- how is sex between a man and a woman homosexual by default?
If it isn’t- if a woman can insert a sex toy into a man’s anus and that is “straight,”…
.. and a man can insert a sex toy into his own ants during masturbation and that is straight… is it homosexual if another man inserts a toy into a mans anus? If there is no physical contact between the two individuals and both are thinking about it looking at women to be aroused, what is homosexual about it?
It’s quite a slippery slope full of nuance. “Big dick” is a popular category of pornography for self reported heterosexual males… yet… there is a desire there to specifically consume pornography that features big penises or large ejaculations. Of course this can be a form of power fantasy- wishing or envisioning oneself as well endowed or particularly virile etc, but that gets us back to concept- are we saying that isn’t “gay” because they aren’t aroused by the IDEA of the other man but the idea they ARE the other man? We are still involving another man- which doesn’t really make it so different than getting a BJ and pretending the man giving it is a woman.
There are sooooo many more doors we could open for examples, even ones that aren’t inherently sexual such as sports or other examples of males finding enjoyment or beauty in the physique or performance or power of other males. That said- it can be a fun (or uncomfortable for some folks) exercise to ponder over some or find examples in daily life. We can’t really define what it is to sit at a given point on the spectrum of sexuality- is it what you are thinking about? What you are being aroused by? Who is in the room? Who is touching you? Who is playing what role in things? There isn’t really a singular measuring stick- romance or sexual acts or even physical contact may not need to be involved. Can we say that if a person goes to a Lutheran church they are not necessity a Lutheran or of “no-faith”? If so- can one participate in “homosexual” or “heterosexual” acts without being homosexual or bi-sexual?
These are the odd and often arbitrary distinctions that cloud such issues. The amount of time people spend on such things is often silly when we consider that by and large there aren’t really any functional reasons to concern ourselves over the genitals or consenting sexual preferences of others. Hate and love in their worst forms are opposites sides of the same coin- an obsession of sorts with a totem we build in our minds and place the face of a real person on, but is made of our imaginations and as a place to anchor our hopes and fears and discontents and failings so we can avoid confronting what is missing with us. If we could spend less time obsessing about people having consenting good times and allow ourselves the grace to find what makes us happy, that’s a better use of time that leads to more happy people.
Lol. It seems society is becoming more accepting of the concept that maybe we don’t need to put things in such arbitrary boxes all the time or make distinctions without any solid definition on such matters. Sadly however there still seem to be enough people who care to cause some serious problems in the lives of people just… trying to live their lives.
It also seems that as the number of those who are concerned about other peoples genitals drops, the intensity the remaining number have grows stronger.
Overall things seem to be getting better little by little, but vigilance is the price of freedom and complacency is how freedom is eroded one chip at a time. It’s another one of those odd concepts and disconnects. Like- can you imagine having parties and telling everyone for 30+ years your kid grew pubes; or being ashamed or never talking to a kid again for growing pubes? Yet people often do this with a child’s sexuality as they mature.
Maybe someday sexual preferences will be like pubes- something we assume most people develop at some point but we don’t really feel the need to talk about or sit and think about or consider wether we want to hire them or not to be an accountant or media rep etc. based on what we think their Pube situation is.
Not to say pubes aren’t something we cant be proud of or see as part of our identity. We can experiment with our pubes, go bald, make a lions mane or whatever…. But like- it’s mostly perverts and potential sexual partners that would give any thought to someone else’s pubes in most situations. Rarely does the news or some major law revolve around pubes or does society create the need for us to feel like we must defend our pubes or that our pubes are a badge of struggle. So maybe we can get there with sexuality- where we accept that people like sex and we don’t have much reason to concern ourselves with how they like their consenting sex unless we are going to have sex with them.
In male masturbation, a man will generally fondle a penis for his sexual pleasure. Is this gay? Is it not gay because it is his own penis, or if he is thinking of a woman? Would having a woman fondle the penis while thinking about men be “more” or “less” gay than having another man do so while thinking about women? Are both equally “gay” regardless of who is involved or what is turning us on?
If it is about what arouses us- compare Recieving oral sex with a man “passing” as a woman to oral sex with a woman who is completely passing as a “manly man.” Which scenario becomes homosexual and for who exactly?
Is it homosexual for a man to receive anal play from a woman? If it is- how is sex between a man and a woman homosexual by default?
If it isn’t- if a woman can insert a sex toy into a man’s anus and that is “straight,”…
It’s quite a slippery slope full of nuance. “Big dick” is a popular category of pornography for self reported heterosexual males… yet… there is a desire there to specifically consume pornography that features big penises or large ejaculations. Of course this can be a form of power fantasy- wishing or envisioning oneself as well endowed or particularly virile etc, but that gets us back to concept- are we saying that isn’t “gay” because they aren’t aroused by the IDEA of the other man but the idea they ARE the other man? We are still involving another man- which doesn’t really make it so different than getting a BJ and pretending the man giving it is a woman.
edit: many
It also seems that as the number of those who are concerned about other peoples genitals drops, the intensity the remaining number have grows stronger.
Overall things seem to be getting better little by little, but vigilance is the price of freedom and complacency is how freedom is eroded one chip at a time. It’s another one of those odd concepts and disconnects. Like- can you imagine having parties and telling everyone for 30+ years your kid grew pubes; or being ashamed or never talking to a kid again for growing pubes? Yet people often do this with a child’s sexuality as they mature.
Not to say pubes aren’t something we cant be proud of or see as part of our identity. We can experiment with our pubes, go bald, make a lions mane or whatever…. But like- it’s mostly perverts and potential sexual partners that would give any thought to someone else’s pubes in most situations. Rarely does the news or some major law revolve around pubes or does society create the need for us to feel like we must defend our pubes or that our pubes are a badge of struggle. So maybe we can get there with sexuality- where we accept that people like sex and we don’t have much reason to concern ourselves with how they like their consenting sex unless we are going to have sex with them.