I support parents being able to make their own informed decisions and determine how they want to raise their child, with some exceptions of course (most being obviously harmful things like keeping them locked in a dog cage or such things…) That said- while many experts currently offer this advice, and it may seem intuitive or revolutionary to many- I personally don’t have the data to say I advocate it for everyone, or that it’s the “only” healthy way to go about the issue. A core concept in this approach is that teaching children what are or aren’t appropriate touches by naming regions or body parts or designated persons etc. isn’t enough- that teaching them autonomy and self ownership of their body is the answer, and not forcing hugs is- otherwise we send “mixed messages” when we tell them they are in control but then force them to hug. But….
.. are they in control? Will you ask your child politely any time they are placed in or taken out of their stroller or car seat if they consent? Will you give them the option of they wish to hold yours or another guardians hand in a crowded or dangerous area? Will you say to them: “you don’t have to let the doctor give you this shot/examine your ears/set your bone”? I can’t see most partners reasonably being willing or able to honor their child’s autonomy because children… don’t have the autonomy of an adult. If they don’t want to eat their greens or only want to eat candy- will you tell them that is their choice but you don’t agree, or will you force them? Maybe you won’t force them- perhaps you’ll coerce them, negotiate, trick? Is that better? Growing up in a house where consent is super important- but if you don’t consent negotiations and coercion are taught with persistence to make someone “consent”?
I think it’s a solid idea, I also don’t think a relative or anyone else is entitled to hugs or kisses etc- it’s up to each parent to decide how they want to handle that, but I can’t say that I think this is the “only way” to do things or that someone is “bad” or harming their child by taking another route. Kids often need help bathing or getting dressed- and kids often aren’t fond of those things. So are you going to let your kid run around naked and filthy or are you going to teach them that it’s ok to bargain and manipulate people into doing things when they say no…? Or are you ping to force them and stick to the old school lesson that these are things your parents control until your old enough to take or be given control? It’s up to you- but I’m just saying that there isn’t a “perfect” parenting style and certainly no “one size fits all.” I won’t judge someone for raising their children to say no to hugs but I don’t think we should judge people for not doing this.
I think it's good to also explain to them why the doctor etc. need to check xyz parts of them and a good doctor will also tell a kid (mine did anyway) "hey kiddo, I'm going to touch your belly here to see if it hurts, okay? It'll help me see what's wrong because your tummy can hurt here (showing on themselves where) due to stress or built-up poop
I thinks that’s a solid way to go overall. I also don’t think it always applies due to relying on the individual nature of circumstances of the attending/child/etc. I speak from my personal experience when I say some kids would never “go nicely” no matter how many times they were asked or how the question was presented- I myself as a child needed to be strapped down or literally restrained by several grown adults on a number of occasions to receive medical care ranging from routine issues to life threatening situations.
So I think that it’s a fool good to try and start around that level, and for most kids most of the time that would probably work, but you’re still back to square one if they flat out say “no,” it’s likely a child will require vaccines for school, and in the US school is compulsory- so however one gets it done it will need done with or without consent unless one’s commitment to autonomy extends to homeschooling a child while supporting an antivax 5yo.
I only hug someone if they show they want to hug me first... and you can see it coming, arms out, a smile, they want the hug. Some people just don't pick up on social cues.
So I think that it’s a fool good to try and start around that level, and for most kids most of the time that would probably work, but you’re still back to square one if they flat out say “no,” it’s likely a child will require vaccines for school, and in the US school is compulsory- so however one gets it done it will need done with or without consent unless one’s commitment to autonomy extends to homeschooling a child while supporting an antivax 5yo.