Why is it that the same people who tend to throw around words like “snowflake” and complain about the “sensitivity” of society and “cancel culture” and “can’t take a joke” and “identity politics” seem to also gravitate to the cause of “mens victimization?” Traditionally men were told we have to. We were told that a man gets it done- no matter what. A man that gets it done doesn’t generally need to ask if he deserves it. After 60 hours of laying stone Most never asked if they deserve $200- They probably feel like they deserve MORE, as many of us do after we get the pay for our hard work.
If you sit at a desk all day and bring home $3500 on pay day and that feeds your family and pays the bills with maybe some left over for fun- if your mindset is that you have to provide- you don’t care if you “deserve it,” you NEED it to do your job and get shit done at home. But- not all men are like that are they? Not all men think that way and not all men get shit done and have what they want
What is that? That’s gender identity. That’s what trans and non binary and so many others are taking about. Living in a society that says they HAVE to be a certain way because they are considered a “man” or “woman” by others. That if they aren’t they way, tough shit and be that way, or that they are some sort of “failed” human. So my sensitive fellas that need to be told they deserve things and who want to express their frustrations at being romantically rejected for not fitting a mold or want to cry because society expects them to be tall family men who are financially independent and do things because they need doing- and that isn’t you- join hands with your trans and non binary siblings in the same boat and fight for the rights of all people to be who they are even if that isn’t what society thinks they should be.
And know this alternate perspective- men have and still largely do tend to make more money and achieve more and have more freedom than women. Why? Lots of reasons, but one is infantilization. Men have always been told thins like “no one will do it for you..” and “you have to work for what you want” or “step up and do what needs done.” Women- not so much. They’ve been legally or socially blocked from doing many things themselves. We don’t generally raise little girls to fight to defend themselves or to take what they want and speak their minds. We don’t generally applaud their sexual autonomy and “conquests” to “sow their wild oats” as they get to that age, and we don’t generally tell little girls they “have to do whatever it takes to reach a goal.” So where many might see “deserve” as some affirming language that shows how women are treated better- “deserve” means you already earned something. We tell men they have to earn what they want and those men largely then go live that and
put in the work. When you tell someone they have deserve what they want- the general reaction to not having it isn’t to work to get it, it is to assume it will be given to you, and if you don’t get it you probably don’t say: “I need to do the work to earn it twice just to get it once…” you say it isn’t fair. Dear reader- it may not be fair that you don’t have a house or a living spouse or a million dollars or whatever- say it isn’t fair because you deserve it a million times- I’ll wait. ….. done? Did it appear? No? Well- shit. Sorry. So there is your proof. Wether you deserve it or not you aren’t likely getting it unless you do the work or have some great luck. So pointing out that women's help books use “deserve” so much is less making a case that men have it rough and more an example of the ways that society tends to sabotage women's path to success and to the type of thinking that tends to actually get you what you want. It’s an example of how we infantilize women to cripple them.
Last bit- losing sucks and is frustrating. It’s even more frustrating to lose and makes us feel even worse when we have the advantage and we still lose. It’s very tempting to try to come up with reasons why it isn’t on us- that somehow our advantages were handicaps or that the other players had advantages over us. I get it. If you’re losing in life- love, money, happiness, etc- especially when you have the advantages, creating scape goats doesn’t help you win. If it is bad luck, keep trying. If it is something with you, work on it. If it is systemic- work to fix it.
So like I said before- to all the angry and sad and unhappy or frustrated men who feel like society is pushing unfair standards on you about being a man- join your trans and non binary and other siblings and fight to create a society where you can be accepted even if you don’t fit the “traditional” binary definition of a man.
Just curious what the ctrl+f "you deserve" in the male self-help book gets you. And the "you have to" search in the female book. I mean, I don't particularly care about the real point of this meme because I don't read self help books, but you need to be even.
If you sit at a desk all day and bring home $3500 on pay day and that feeds your family and pays the bills with maybe some left over for fun- if your mindset is that you have to provide- you don’t care if you “deserve it,” you NEED it to do your job and get shit done at home. But- not all men are like that are they? Not all men think that way and not all men get shit done and have what they want
So like I said before- to all the angry and sad and unhappy or frustrated men who feel like society is pushing unfair standards on you about being a man- join your trans and non binary and other siblings and fight to create a society where you can be accepted even if you don’t fit the “traditional” binary definition of a man.