I get the vibe but I don’t uh… that doesn’t seem like a good thing to me. Like- plenty of very objectively bad politicians have been elected simply because they made people “feel safe” whatever their politics or credentials or aptitudes were. People have done some ethically and morally and otherwise dubious and bad or horrible things to make people feel safe, and as most of us know from certain global events, news stories, and personal lessons… feeling safe and being safe aren’t always the same thing, sometimes the people who make us feel safest are the ones who have practiced the skill to allow them to gain trust to abuse. In another bent- feeling safe isn’t always good. Sometimes not feeling completely safe around people is good for us, to help us grow or help us learn how to navigate those times where we are not safe.
Everyone is different and I don’t begrudge people their own ways- but TBH and in a somewhat uncommon interjection personal feelings- I really don’t care if people make me feel safe or not because I make me safe. I care about results and my unwavering trust is in the self interest of others. Anyone can be your friend today and an enemy tomorrow. Secrets rarely if ever are kept between two people. Disappointment in others comes when they do not meet our expectations. I expect everyone I meet to serve their self interest. I can only be pleasantly surprised and am seldom if ever taken off guard or let down.
I still have deep and meaningful friendships and relationships. I help my friends and they help me. We get each other out of jams- but I’ve never expected them to and when they can’t or won’t come through- I’m not let down.
The key in my view is to accept reality. Accept people as they are and not as we want them to be or imagine they are.
I don’t ever think I’m safe, even when I’m with myself. That guy has caused me so many problems. But it was never personal. He had things he wanted or needed to do and did what he thought needed done. Same is true of anyone else and my dealings with them as is true with myself. People aren’t perfect, they generally will always ultimately care about themselves more than they do you, and the same is generally true of most of us unless we have some self worth issues to work through. Our moral principles are underpinned by self interest- at least in the sense of preserving our sense of self by staying true to who we believe ourselves to be. Given enough time everyone and anyone will hurt you. Given the right reasons anyone will betray you. What’s “safe” is knowing this and accepting it. Trying to mitigate it, trying to be around people who we can at least have some prediction and security in how or why they might do these things.
Just know your best friend or spouse might for example turn on you in an instant if they believed it the best or only way to protect your child. If you know this, you aren’t surprised if it happens. You can possibly prepare, or take extra steps to avoid or be able to handle any situations where they may be compelled to do so, and if it happens- you knew going in. No hard feelings. If I tell you I’m going to cheat at a game and then I cheat… who is at fault here if that hurts your feelings? If you assume I won’t cheat and I cheat, who is at fault here? You generally choose who you deal with and the terms on your end of the dealings. If you set bad terms or walk around on assumptions you may feel safe but you’re no safer, less safe, than if you did otherwise.
You gotta tell the:
Soy Story
I still have deep and meaningful friendships and relationships. I help my friends and they help me. We get each other out of jams- but I’ve never expected them to and when they can’t or won’t come through- I’m not let down.
The key in my view is to accept reality. Accept people as they are and not as we want them to be or imagine they are.