A lot. But even if 99% was taken away?
What do you want to happen when you eat your buckshot breakfast? Most people thinking about that probably are thinking they’ll die. Guess what? You don’t always.
Yeah. Look it up. I remember seeing a guy who tried to kill himself with a shotgun. Lost most of his face, part of his skull. Was a little “off his game” mentally- and he survived. Shotgun, pistol, pills, almost every feasible and widely available means to suicide can fail.
I’ll skip the affirmations. Most people contemplating suicide aren’t easily swayed by strangers telling them that it gets better or that they have value- even if that is almost always true.
What I’ll tell you is this- in my own mind, for me, suicide seems like it makes all your problems go away- and in a way it does as you don’t have to worry about it. You don’t have to see the faces of your loved ones or hear what people might have to say about you punking out on life.
But, big but- if it doesn’t work… you’re often or most likely left off worse than before. People who have tried suicide and gotten help shouldn’t feel shame about it, but for most it isn’t an easy thing- what I mean is that most probably would rather they could have gotten the help before they tried to kill themselves. If most could have the same or better mental health they do today and have not tried to kill themselves, they’d probably want that. So I’m not saying there is or should be shame, I’m saying that almost any person alive who tried to kill themselves and failed sees it as a mistake or at the least not the best way they could have handled things.
So there are lots of reasons not to suck on a bullet, outside of the most extreme convoluted situations or perhaps arguably terminal and painful untreatable illness and such- there just isn’t a reason too. Look, if you ever want to die just remember you will. Like- you totally will. I promise. Eventually you will. When? Who knows? But imagine for a second- think about this- if you’re so desperate that you’d actually Jill yourself, what do you have to lose? For most people it isn’t easy to kill themselves on purpose. The mind isn’t wired that way. It takes a leap. So what would happen if you combined those things and realized that…
If you are ok to die- you have nothing to lose? If you are capable of overcoming what is one of the most powerful biological urges in our species, self preservation, you are capable of other things? If you are capable of the risk and general illegality and finality of a choice like suicide, why can’t you do anything you want in life?
“My job sucks, life is boring, my relationships are bad or non existent, I don’t have money, I’m a loser,” when people contemplate suicide for reasons like these that relate to dissatisfaction with life, the thing is that someone who is capable of taking their own life is usually capable of fixing it.
If you were stuck at a party that was so bad the only way you could get out was to light yourself on fire and you were thinking about it… well dude- if you’d think that up and have the ability to do it… I bet you could find all kinds of ways to make that party fun. At that point- what the f$ck do you care?
Tell people what you think of them, dance like an idiot. Go hit on every attractive person you see. Start a food fight. It isn’t like doing any of that takes away the option, and the party will end on its own eventually, so do the things you haven’t tried. Get crazy if that’s all that is left. What is there to be afraid of at that point? You don’t want to be embarrassed?
You don’t want to mess up your relationships or make a mistake that might mess you up later… oh. Right. There is not later if you kill yourself and tbh- people probably aren’t going to talk about you as if you didn’t kill yourself, so your name is still probably going to be tied to “ohhh… I heard about that…” which means you don’t really need to worry about your reputation either. You will lose friends. In the literal sense yeah- you’re dead and they lost you so you don’t have each other, but after you kill yourself you lose love often. There are people in your life who aren’t going to remember you fondly. They’ll hate you even because of what you put them through and what they have to carry because of you.
So let’s recap- at the point one chooses to die they have no future, their reputation means nothing, they don’t need to worry what other people think, you WILL hurt people so you don’t need to worry about not hurting people anymore, and any of your responsibilities will default.
So the moment the gun would be going in my mouth- there’s the thought. “Wait. Why?” There’s no work Monday if I don’t want. No car payment. No obligations. I can say what I want, do what I want. Why not sell everything I own and go gamble in Vegas? Why not enter into prize fights for money or try to sleep with everyone I find attractive? Why not join the foreign legion or be a mercenary? Why not try to climb Mount Everest or set a world record for longest free dive? What the hell do I have to lose? I might die? I might get hurt? There aren’t really many ways to kill yourself that don’t hurt.
If you shoot yourself it will hurt. The only way it MIGHT not hurt is if you are somehow able to hit your spine precisely just right and even then if anything goes wrong you will be hurt, and we don’t actually KNOW it doesn’t hurt at least for a moment because we can’t really get a survey. Cutting hurts. Crushing, drowning, most forms of OD hurts. Freezing hurts. Starving hurts. I’d rather go be hurt doing something more interesting. And the thing about that king boring or horrible party you are stuck at? If you reach the point you would literally Jill yourself to end it, we established you have nothing to lose, but there’s everything to gain. If I start acting up, if I dance and drink and flirt and joke around or cut up- well, I might actually start having a good time. If I start stealing the decor and selling it I might actually make some money and then have fun with that.
It turns out that if you realize you have nothing to lose and start doing the things you want or…
.. might be too scared to do, you might actually end up enjoying most of the party. You might actually get to leave when the party ends on schedule and find yourself saying “what? It’s over? No. I was having fun and I found some cool people and want to spend more time with them…”
It’s best to not be self destructive. That tends to make problems worse, but realizing you have nothing to lose and the things you worry about aren’t things to worry about can free you up to take risks that can make things better or at least distract you and pass the time. If you can find purpose and find wellness and all that in life- that’s probably best. That said, I’m not putting a gun in my mouth because there are 900000 things I could do that would be more fun, and if I had ABSOLUTELY resolved to self destructive behavior- there are WAY more fun and interesting self destructive things I could do besides take 600mph metal to the face. What the f@ck. Does that sound even a tiny bit enjoyable to you?
What’s the end result? How’s that go? Stifling tears or sobs you try to steal your nerve, tensing up and filling with fear and apprehension, you make the move with your finger and perhaps have a twinge of regret. Too late. A deafening noise and a terrible stench and then extreme pain that may not end instantly as you gurgle as gasp and your body writhes and panics and shuts down? F@ck that. That sounds awful.
Why wouldn’t I try to jump a jet ski over 15 flaming school buses or go fight a bear or something? If I’m going to choose how I die you think I’m choosing some basic b@tch sh!t? I only get to die once most likely in this life. If I get my say I’d like it to be as pleasant as possible but if that was off the table then at least bet I’m going to make it count. If I’m feeling all this hurt or pointlessness- what was the point of going through all that if at the very end I end up with some emo bullsh&t side character death like eating a bullet or in a bathtub alone?
If I felt life was so bad or boring or meaningless that it wasn’t worth living- I’ve already lived how many years and put up with how much crap? Some weak ass basic suicide crap is like those sad stories about people who worked one job for 50 years and they retire and get a cheap fucking watch. My life doesn’t end with a cheap fucking watch. Shooting your self is the cheap watch of life retirement. If I worked somewhere 50 years or 20 or 15 and they try to give me a cheap watch when I leave- hell no. Everybody is finding out about themselves. All the dirt is coming out, every whistle that went unblown is being blown and security is coming to take me out because… why not? I’m retiring. What will they do, fire me? Not rehire me? So that’s my anti shotgun. The plain fact that there’s no up side. Even if you are in a mindset that life is too much or isn’t worth it- what do you get out of a shotgun to the face that may leave you alive and worse off than before?
There is usually a way things can get better but if you’re set on self destruction have some fucking flare. Pillage your way to the top of wall street because you don’t care about yourself or anyone else and can take risks and hurt people, then live a life of cocaine and booze and fast cars and die from that. Do some extreme record like land speed or climbing or whatever, fight a bear, go to some far off country and try to overthrow a dictatorship or help the people by robbing the corrupt and abusive. What are you sacred of, you might… get shot…? You might… die? If you’re really going to eat the 12 gauge that isn’t a problem, it’s the goal isn’t it? So don’t be a little tw$t. if my life is so wrong I want to end it, I’m at least gonna make it a point to die right, and there’s just no point, no flare, no meaning or benefit or even upside to shooting my self. And they take the gun after so you’re just giving the government money. It’s stupid.
For what its worth: i think the picture and, words together make a funny.
To everyone who has been at that darkest of crossroads: my heart goes out to you, tears in my eyes. Stay with us if you can.
What do you want to happen when you eat your buckshot breakfast? Most people thinking about that probably are thinking they’ll die. Guess what? You don’t always.
Yeah. Look it up. I remember seeing a guy who tried to kill himself with a shotgun. Lost most of his face, part of his skull. Was a little “off his game” mentally- and he survived. Shotgun, pistol, pills, almost every feasible and widely available means to suicide can fail.
I’ll skip the affirmations. Most people contemplating suicide aren’t easily swayed by strangers telling them that it gets better or that they have value- even if that is almost always true.
What I’ll tell you is this- in my own mind, for me, suicide seems like it makes all your problems go away- and in a way it does as you don’t have to worry about it. You don’t have to see the faces of your loved ones or hear what people might have to say about you punking out on life.
If you are ok to die- you have nothing to lose? If you are capable of overcoming what is one of the most powerful biological urges in our species, self preservation, you are capable of other things? If you are capable of the risk and general illegality and finality of a choice like suicide, why can’t you do anything you want in life?
If you were stuck at a party that was so bad the only way you could get out was to light yourself on fire and you were thinking about it… well dude- if you’d think that up and have the ability to do it… I bet you could find all kinds of ways to make that party fun. At that point- what the f$ck do you care?
Tell people what you think of them, dance like an idiot. Go hit on every attractive person you see. Start a food fight. It isn’t like doing any of that takes away the option, and the party will end on its own eventually, so do the things you haven’t tried. Get crazy if that’s all that is left. What is there to be afraid of at that point? You don’t want to be embarrassed?
So the moment the gun would be going in my mouth- there’s the thought. “Wait. Why?” There’s no work Monday if I don’t want. No car payment. No obligations. I can say what I want, do what I want. Why not sell everything I own and go gamble in Vegas? Why not enter into prize fights for money or try to sleep with everyone I find attractive? Why not join the foreign legion or be a mercenary? Why not try to climb Mount Everest or set a world record for longest free dive? What the hell do I have to lose? I might die? I might get hurt? There aren’t really many ways to kill yourself that don’t hurt.
It turns out that if you realize you have nothing to lose and start doing the things you want or…
It’s best to not be self destructive. That tends to make problems worse, but realizing you have nothing to lose and the things you worry about aren’t things to worry about can free you up to take risks that can make things better or at least distract you and pass the time. If you can find purpose and find wellness and all that in life- that’s probably best. That said, I’m not putting a gun in my mouth because there are 900000 things I could do that would be more fun, and if I had ABSOLUTELY resolved to self destructive behavior- there are WAY more fun and interesting self destructive things I could do besides take 600mph metal to the face. What the f@ck. Does that sound even a tiny bit enjoyable to you?
Why wouldn’t I try to jump a jet ski over 15 flaming school buses or go fight a bear or something? If I’m going to choose how I die you think I’m choosing some basic b@tch sh!t? I only get to die once most likely in this life. If I get my say I’d like it to be as pleasant as possible but if that was off the table then at least bet I’m going to make it count. If I’m feeling all this hurt or pointlessness- what was the point of going through all that if at the very end I end up with some emo bullsh&t side character death like eating a bullet or in a bathtub alone?
To everyone who has been at that darkest of crossroads: my heart goes out to you, tears in my eyes. Stay with us if you can.