Looks like a college professor taking its class out side

I remember when team Edward and team Jacob was a huge thing lol I was asked who I thought Bella should be with I said Edward because that is who the author wrote her to be with.

When i was in elementary school in Texas we were told that’s Oklahoma reaching over and patting Texas on the head like a friendly uncle calling us sport lol

In Texas you refer to your S.O. as hun lol

So funny story when my Dad was first a cop My baby brother asked him if you have to arrest a guy who has no arms how do you put hand cuffs on him?
He said let me ask you this what illegal activity would I arrest him for?
He thought for a minute and said for head butting people to death lol
He said mans got legs doesn’t he? We have leg shackles.
My brother was 12 at the time lol

I’m from Texas but I lived a big part of my life at the pan handle in Lubbock Texas it snows every year there.
I now live in California.
For a few years I only would wear flip flops.
Even in winter.
One woman in our church said don’t your toes freeze?
I said that is like asking a person who lived on the equator most their life and now lives in Alaska why don’t you take off that coat it’s summer? Lol

My daughter was pulling the I don’t feel well so she doesn’t have to clean stick.
So I sent her a digital get well soon card and signed it hope you feel better soon... so you can clean that pig pen of a room. Lol

Dad bod

I loved that show it kills me they left it like they did

When was pregnant with our daughter my husband thought the hospital were going to give us all we needed like a car seat and a crib.
I had to explain to him no they just help deliver the baby than we get all that stuff.
I said why do you think there is cribs and car seats for sale at Walmart and such? He said in case you didn’t like the standard stuff you can get one you like?
-.-
It wasn’t his only awakening I had to explain to him about kids lol

That awkward moment when you try to raise money for starving children and yet order multiples of the same meal all at once from different places just to “try” each one.

SHITTERS FULL!

Ok my dyslexic ass was like what she isn’t dead???
Than I see it says AT THE RIPE AGE OF 50
not
RIP AGE 50
Lol my dyslexia skipped most the sentence lmfao

Something to help with measuring
If you need to know how long something is but don’t have a ruler try this:
Take a bit of string and use it to go from one end to the other of what you are trying to measure.
If you have to measure 2 sides of the object measure the long side and cut the string than measure the shorter side and tie a knot on the string’s side you start with and where the thing you are measuring ends tie another little knot.
Now when you go to get what you need may it be a price of wood or cloth that will be cut to size don’t worry about the knot in the string it will not take that much from the length it be probably even a better fit.
And if you take it to a clerk to use to show how long and/or wide you need the thing to be don’t be embarrassed it happens a lot and some might even complement you on your creative way.
Side note: if it is smaller than a piece of paper just trace the item.

Best advise I gave that worked lol
My sister in law was leaving her husband and she wanted support while he called her.
I was there with her and they were going through the same old your not there for me you treat me like shit. Than she said and you never be with our kids. (Btw man has 5 ex’s 6 now with her and he has 10 kids total 12 plus hers so yeah if we knew that we would of told her stay away from him)
So he says don’t start with that you know I lost my Dad as a kid. You know I miss my happy memories of my dad of going fishing, going to the park, beach and him being at my school games.
I knew for a fact he wasn’t doing that for his kids none of them so I tell her to say where are the kids memories of doing that? The only memories they have of you is you not showing up and the back of your head as you sit at your computer playing games with strangers.
She did and that made him wake the fuck up and realize he had ruined his life again for the 6th time.

Lmfao how that one is like ok that’s enough of that shit and the other turns it’s head like where you going man?

Originally Hershey kisses where hand wrapped and to make sure the candy would stay in place as they wrapped them the employees would lick the bottom of the candy and than wrap them.
It was in 1921 that they finally got a machine to wrap them.
Did you know that candy has the legal right to allow a certain amount of bugs in it?
According to the United States Food and Drug Administration (FDA), anything less than 60 insect pieces per 100 grams of chocolate – around two typical bars of store bought chocolate – is deemed safe for public consumption.
So that means you have a chance to find an all bug candy bar and the company won’t get in trouble by the government.

Best damn license plate I seen was one said B1AZEUP and driving it was an old woman and the car was a low rider lmfao I swear to god either she was a weed store owner or she is borrowing her grandson’s car lmfao

Who the fuck tries to steal a lobster lmfao

Store can’t afford to open more than one cash register but can splurge on sending nuggets to space???
What’s next? A cvs receipt that even though left earth’s atmosphere still can touch the ground lmfao