How can you spank kids with respect to their dignity?
If you spank your kids they might refrain from doing this or that but just because they are scared that you'll spank them again. It doesn't make anything better (except that you have some piece and quiet the easy and cowardly way), they probably still don't understand why their behavior was wrong. You just shake their confidence. No matter how "soft" you do it. That's a poor justification for abusing the own power as a parent.
I'm sure the Pope doesn't want to get spanked when he does something wrong, neither do you, neither do I. Kids aren't grown-ups but you should treat them at least with the same respect.
Define "kids". A six year old throwing a tantrum in a grocery store because you didn't buy the box of cookies will not listen to logic or mommy telling him "you're making me embarrassed honey and you need to stop this now". A sharp word and a firm grasp and possibly a spank is needed to get them to shut up. There's no abuse or understanding why the behavior was wrong; it's simply just telling the kid to shut the hell up because it's not the time and place and you're being a little bastard by making so much noise but I'm not gonna verbally abuse you like that.
Of course kids aren't able to understand everything and there's not always enough time to explain something. The point is: there are alternative ways to handle situations like these apart from spanking (and physical violence is little better than verbal abuse). Being overstrained doesn't justify violence in any form.
Again: It makes it better for you. It makes it worse for the kid. Set priorities. And keep in mind how you want to be treated.
you can't reason against selfishness. That's essentially what a tantrum is; selfishness manifested in a child's way. You just have to tell them to eat the shot in whatever way gets through; a sharp word and firm grasp sometimes worked on me but a swift slap on the butt did me wonders in shutting up.
The kid shuts up because it is scared of being spanked again. Or because it is embarrassed to be spanked in a public place. There's no insight in the situation. It wont stop the kid from doing it again later.
Kids don't work like adults. They are frustrated by little things which seem ridiculous to us but they are not from the kids eyes. They are so deeply frustrated and they don't know any other way to express this frustration than to throw a tantrum. It doesn't matter where they are. It doesn't matter that you are embarrassed by it. A tantrum isn't selfishness - it's a kids way to express and work through a great frustration. What's selfish is you spanking a kid to get it to shut up because you don't want people to stare or you want to get home soon or you're just annoyed by the crying. If you are not able to help your kid to get other frustration without getting physical or abusing it verbally then please - do not get children!
the first half of what you said I completely agree with. Yes it's embarrassing.
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Sometimes a tantrum is a way of working through frustration. But other times it's just through pure selfishness. I remember myself having a few tantrums that was just me being a whiny brat. I needed that spank to drag me out of it much like how a slap can stop hysterics. I think a child can articulate if they're frustrated or if they just want something; they're capable of vaguely coherent speech. My parents certainly understood me well enough to react accordingly.
The last guest post wasn't from me ("The kid shuts up because ...") but I agree.
This sentence is especially important: Kids don't work like adults. Empathy and other social "skills" aren't fully developed at a young age. If you're interested read some books about pedagogy.
Kids do stupid shit. They just do. And they know what they're doing is wrong too. I was a kid, and when I fucked up, I knew the whole time that I shouldn't have been doing whatever it was. So yeah, I was spanked as a kid, but I was a hell of a lot less likely to do that stupid shit again, and because of that, I had a lot more respect for my parents than most kids do. And it really pisses me off when people say that kids only act that way because of how their parents raised them. Now throwing a tantrum, that's different. I may have been a dumb kid, but I was never dumb enough to do that shit, so that does have to do with how a kid was raised. But no matter how good you are at bringing up kids, they will do stupid shit, and it really helps to let them know it's stupid in a way they'll understand and respond to. I didn't stop because I was afraid of being spanked again. I stopped because I saw that it pained my parents, whom I loved.
The spanking was merely the form of communication, since kids won't listen to words. I know, I was one, and I turned out just fine because my parents were good enough to punish me the right way.
I don't think ya'll realize something. Yes, a kid who misbehaves doesn't understand why they're being spanked, yet. But that kid isn't going to understand until they learn through punishment that some behavior is unacceptable. A kid throws a tantrum in a store, they're misbehaving. That kid doesn't know they're misbehaving until you as the parent point it out and say stop. Now they know they shouldn't be doing what it is they're doing but they still don't know why. Kid continues with the tantrum because, why not, they want this and you're not giving them it. The punishment i.e. the spanking is not because you just want your kid to shut up but because until they move out its the parents job to show/tell them how to live right and punish them when they don't. That kid probably won't really understand why throwing a temper tantrum in the store is bad for years. That doesn't make the behavior any more acceptable. As a parent you should set rules and follow through with the punishment.
Yeah I'm sure that's what the corporeal punishment people were saying too before we outlawed it. In fact... How is spanking /not/ corporeal punishment? In fact, I'd rather be smacked on the hand than spanked because at least when you're smacked on the hand the parent isn't making you stick your ass out in front of everyone!
Also I'm so sick of hearing advocates of spanking saying 'oh I have more respect for my parents than most kids' yeah like no one who wasn't spanked has the respect for their parents you do. And if the only way you can get your kids to respect you is to hit them, you're the one with the problem. Not them.
People listen to authority for two reasons. Because they feel it's the right thing to do and because they're scared of what happens if they don't. A child does not obey authority because they want to; they usually want to break it to see what happens. First we must get the child to fear the wrath of authority to get them in the habit of behaving, then we teach them why it's a good thing to listen.
Quite frankly, every kid I've met who wasn't spanked thinks nothing of their parents. So yeah, using spanking as a form of punishment not only helps teach the kid right from wrong, but also of humility and respect. I'm not saying it's always necessary, but when used correctly, it isn't a bad thing. Not every kid would benefit from being spanked, but there are those for whom it is the best option. And it's not necessarily the parents' fault the kid turned out that way. Upbringing has a major effect on how a kid acts, but there are certain things that cannot be controlled. I cannot support anything this guest says because of the position of their viewpoint. They speak like a person who has not experienced this firsthand. Or maybe they did and their parents went overboard. Regardless, they are letting their own experience get in the way of formulating an objective viewpoint, and as such I cannot take seriously a single word coming from their ignorant mouth. You should do the same, Tyler
I just respect someone who can articulate an argument and back it up. Not like Westboro Baptist; they misquote Bible verses and the ones they use are done out of context.
Well, I still think you shouldn't hit your child. Like, ever.
And if we're talking about a six-year-old that's throwing a tantrum over something unimportant...it's your fault. You're the one who raised them that way and now you're going to spank them - punish them for your screwed up upbpringing? Great work.
If you raise em right this probly won't come up a lot durin g their childhood, I only ever got one. Disappointment from my parents hurt worse though.
Not saying a kid doesn't need the correction but before you go to just spanking try and talk to them even the young ones, don't do the "it's because I said so thing"
I know catholics in my area who are just as genuinely nice and cool as the pope. I feel like catholics get stereotyped just as much as any other group.
We admire him because he walks his talk. Wasn't there a story about how he would sometimes sneak out of the Vatican to help work at the homeless soup line?
If you spank your kids they might refrain from doing this or that but just because they are scared that you'll spank them again. It doesn't make anything better (except that you have some piece and quiet the easy and cowardly way), they probably still don't understand why their behavior was wrong. You just shake their confidence. No matter how "soft" you do it. That's a poor justification for abusing the own power as a parent.
I'm sure the Pope doesn't want to get spanked when he does something wrong, neither do you, neither do I. Kids aren't grown-ups but you should treat them at least with the same respect.
Again: It makes it better for you. It makes it worse for the kid. Set priorities. And keep in mind how you want to be treated.
Kids don't work like adults. They are frustrated by little things which seem ridiculous to us but they are not from the kids eyes. They are so deeply frustrated and they don't know any other way to express this frustration than to throw a tantrum. It doesn't matter where they are. It doesn't matter that you are embarrassed by it. A tantrum isn't selfishness - it's a kids way to express and work through a great frustration. What's selfish is you spanking a kid to get it to shut up because you don't want people to stare or you want to get home soon or you're just annoyed by the crying. If you are not able to help your kid to get other frustration without getting physical or abusing it verbally then please - do not get children!
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Sometimes a tantrum is a way of working through frustration. But other times it's just through pure selfishness. I remember myself having a few tantrums that was just me being a whiny brat. I needed that spank to drag me out of it much like how a slap can stop hysterics. I think a child can articulate if they're frustrated or if they just want something; they're capable of vaguely coherent speech. My parents certainly understood me well enough to react accordingly.
This sentence is especially important: Kids don't work like adults. Empathy and other social "skills" aren't fully developed at a young age. If you're interested read some books about pedagogy.
Also I'm so sick of hearing advocates of spanking saying 'oh I have more respect for my parents than most kids' yeah like no one who wasn't spanked has the respect for their parents you do. And if the only way you can get your kids to respect you is to hit them, you're the one with the problem. Not them.
And if we're talking about a six-year-old that's throwing a tantrum over something unimportant...it's your fault. You're the one who raised them that way and now you're going to spank them - punish them for your screwed up upbpringing? Great work.
Not saying a kid doesn't need the correction but before you go to just spanking try and talk to them even the young ones, don't do the "it's because I said so thing"