Am I the only one who aspires to be this much of an asshole as this?

What do you mean aspire? I am this asshole, and I just label it sticking up for myself against assholes.

I feel like this is an appropriate reaction if someone did this

I'd do it but I have this odd obsession with not getting in trouble.

I respect the choice to include their room number.

Ballsy putting their phone number

This is why I bring a book with me to do laundry. I never leave my stuff unattended because douchebags do exist!