Survey in comments

why the fuck would you sit down and risk sticking your hand in your own shit

Why the fuck can't you estimate where the water is in the toilet bowl. It's not like you shove your hand in the bowl with the force of a horse.

Me

ಠ_ಠ

with a gentle but firm thrust

Start down low and pull up, making sure not to get it on ur back

"gentle but firm"

it's more like a squat so you can access "ya asshole" (in that black lady TSA voice from South Park... sorry... that's stuck in my head)... anyway... once you've gotten 95%, you can do a swirl 8 motion, kinda dig up in "ya asshole" and get the remaining 5%.

the donald has to have people help him up off the shitter, he probably has someone to wipe for him.