MatthewG

matthewg


38, Male, California USA
Currently employed as ER Tech.
Proud father of 2, with a long-distance Boo.

— MatthewG Report User
The pettiness always makes me laugh (so I made a petty meme about it) 17 comments
matthewg · 23 weeks ago
Is your dad a time traveller???
*notices shotgun* UwU 3 comments
matthewg · 23 weeks ago
I don't get it.
Elasmotheriam(Siberian Unicorn) that was extint about 39000 years ago 7 comments
matthewg · 23 weeks ago
Not everything with one corn is a unicorn. *smh*
Church wars 3 comments
matthewg · 23 weeks ago
How in the Heck did this become about rocks???
I've seen people pass out drunk, but how does this happen? 2 comments
matthewg · 23 weeks ago
When you have laser mode puke and are prepared.
Either way, a load explodes 10 comments
matthewg · 23 weeks ago
It's all fun and games until the next American child shoots his classmates.
When pupper has more game than you 6 comments
matthewg · 23 weeks ago
Why use many word, when many word maek FSer uncomportable?
A glitch in the matrix 8 comments
matthewg · 23 weeks ago
I understood that reference.
Something wholesome 8 comments
matthewg · 23 weeks ago
I don't say this often of guests, but....you think correctly.
“Olé” 9 comments
matthewg · 23 weeks ago
"Don't forget to like, comment, and subscribe, for more inane nonsense!"
Love how he’s laughing 2 comments
matthewg · 23 weeks ago
They were inexperienced.
They had to put their heads together in order to blow away the competition.
Not spicy enough for Gordon 2 comments
matthewg · 23 weeks ago
Calm down.
Let people enjoy foods.
This bird tho 3 comments
matthewg · 23 weeks ago
Do you also work in an emergency room?
Niel and feel 4 comments
matthewg · 23 weeks ago
No idea why I'm getting Mr. Bean vibes, but there's definitely here.
Kind of makes you feel bad about it 5 comments
matthewg · 23 weeks ago
Try to picture an adult human who can maneuver an automobile through traffic, but painted lines on the ground baffle them.
good idea 7 comments
matthewg · 23 weeks ago
@kakaburra Mashed potatoreos?
I can think of worse snacks.
What yours? 20 comments
matthewg · 23 weeks ago
Luckily the statute of Eating My Ass is set for 5 seconds, so looks like I get Mars, suckers!
· Edited 23 weeks ago
This terrifies me 3 comments
matthewg · 23 weeks ago
I agree.
God bless the United States military.
Treadmills 8 comments
matthewg · 23 weeks ago
This genuinely makes me sad.
El Arroyo at it again 11 comments
matthewg · 23 weeks ago
That's the reason "unplanned" jokes are funny? They're universally relatable.
1
HMMM 4 comments
matthewg · 23 weeks ago
@kakaburra I had to read this 3 many times. Beat my record, if you can.
1
This lady has ben waiting to be on the kiss cam her entire life! :) 8 comments
matthewg · 23 weeks ago
Oh,DearGod,I'mshypleasedon't.
1
Wholesome community moment 22 comments
matthewg · 23 weeks ago
I'm skeptical for a few reasons, but hey, there's lots of bookstores and people in the world. It's not outside the realm of possibility for someone to call one, not knowing where to turn.
It's not even that hard to imagine all those people lining up to give hilarious suggestions for how to go about it.
Skydiving, with a backpack full of Jell-0 is a personal favorite of mine. Or maybe drowning in a (literal) pool of Jell-0.
I'm not sure why so many of these revolve around Jell-0...
Putin's doge 4 comments
matthewg · 23 weeks ago
Wow.
Tremendous Putin.
Yuge Russia.
Federation, believe me.