Friendzone, the girl wants him to be in the friendzone so her ego has a boost. The guy is smart to move on and find someone who loves him just as much as he does.
No, the girl wants a friend. The guys ego is hurt because the girl doesn't see a relationship forming. The girl needs a real friend, not someone who expects more than she can give. Especially if she's already in a relationship
Don't you just hate being put in the relationship zone? Like, you and this guy get along really well and you have fun together as friends and you don't want more because this is just perfect. He's your confidant and you'd trust him with your life, but then he asks you out. You tell him no and suddenly he's not there anymore. One of your best friends that you trusted could never see just being friends with you, they want more than you can give and if they can't have what they want they'll just give up on you. Can't we just find guys that want to be friends and don't only want to get your pants?
Friends work different for men. We are only super close with a few guys. All other friends are orbiting. Women tend to get close with all their friends. So they think a guys trying to be friends when he wants a relationship. Also, why would you want to keep someone who is attracted to you and wants a relationship as a friend and vice versa? literally all that will do is distract and interfere with future relationships and generally be uncomfortable. The only reason to keep that person that close is if you're cushioning, and thats fucked up.
Guys complain about the friend zone all the time but honestly I think it's more hurtful to find out that the person you thought of as a good friend was just pretending to care about you to get into your pants and he'll cut all ties with you when he realizes he can't.
Or maybe they wanted a RELATIONSHIP not just SEX. Maybe its uncomfortable to be friends with someone who put you down. Maybe you realize if you stay around this person who doesnt feel the same the feelings don't just "Go away" and it will fuck up future relationships and just being around them will make you sad. Guys can't just shut off romantic feelings and it creeps me out that girls think they should be able too. Guys aren't robots with switchboard feelings.
In my experience the best and most long lasting relationships blossom from strong friendships. The wait is worth it, better than meeting someone for the sole purpose of dating them and then regretting it because you didn't even have a chance to get to know them better before jumping into a relationship with them.
I've had crushes in my life as well and even though it hurt to hear them talk about other girls they liked, the fact that they were happy made me happy too. If you break off a friendship because the other person is happy with someone else, you never had real feelings for them. The only feeling you had was selfishness.
I'm not ignoring the existence of manipulative bitches who use men's feelings for their own gain. They exist and their presence can be destructive to one's self esteem and overall psyche. But it seems you're ignoring the existence of fuckboys.
You ignored the concept of a guy that doesn't just want sex. Im aware there are "Fuckboys", you addressed them in your comment, but in a way that insinuates that they're the only people there. I don't know if you're male, female, or apache attack helicopter, but guys can't really be friends with girls we're into. It NEVER works out. Even if you think it does, later down the line he fucks up one of her relationships or vice versa because we're bad at dropping feelings. If a guy is still friendly with a girl he was into, he has NOT gotten over them. Guys can only really be healthy friends with girls they were never into. Trust me.
Thank you Mr xdmaniac that is what I was thinking too. It doesn't necessarily mean that men just want to get into a girl's pants but when a guy is interested in a girl he befriends her in a way to see if they have any chemistry then says what he feels for her. If she doesn't feel the same way it's okay the guy moved on and didn't want to bother her in her life, given that maybe she will have someone else later on. It's better that they don't remain as friends it only becomes awkward and uncomfortable for both. If the girl wished that they were to remain as friends and he doesn't want to then she should respect his decision.
I hear you but I can't really say that I understand because I'm not a guy. It just feels weird that you wouldn't befriend someone you like. Being near someone for the sole purpose of being in a relationship with them and with little to no prior knowledge of their personality, hobbies, interests etc. just seems like really poor planning. If you want it to work out in the long run instead of it being a two weeks thing, then you should get to know the other person as well as you can, even if it means being their friend while they're with someone else. They can break up with that person.
I'm still with my first boyfriend because we've been friends for 8 years and he had two girlfriends in the meantime. I respected his relationships and didn't intrude, but I didn't avoid him either.
People say that women are emotional but geez, you guys can't just put those feelings in the background? You can easily hide chemistry by thinking of the other person as a person instead of a point of interest.
Wow those words are well-twisted at the end there. Emotions making someone less of a person somehow, that's a bit mean and presumptious. Us being unable to put aside feelings somehow dehumanizes the girl in our eyes, makes sense. Maybe if you read another post earlier in the thread you'd see the "switchboard feelings" remark, describing how disturbing it is to expect someone to be able to turn a feeling on or off on a dime. Oh and the "befriend someone you like" bit, "like" in friend terms and romantic terms are different things, as I assume they are for women as well.
Look, if I "couldn't put aside feelings" for someone, I'd have literally zero friends except my husband. I've crushed on everyone. It's seriously not that hard. You ignore the feelings for about a year to a year and a half. If it starts to get out of hand, you notify your friend that you have feelings for them and you understand that they're not interested in you, but you'd like their help managing the feelings (i.e., please no hugs right now, that's going to make things awkward). Eventually, the feelings die, and you go on with your friendship.
I'm a lady and I understand people's feelings quite well and no girls aren't always the emotional one, guys show it differently. This post in particular just shows one perspective even if they did remain friends there's little to no chance she would have a change of heart and be more than just friends, it doesn't work like that in real life only in movies. Try to see things from a different perspective sometimes. I myself went on online dating to find someone special It took a while and those that didn't work out we didn't remain as friends because we knew we were looking for different things. But I found my soon to be husband. We have things in common with good chemistry we have our quirks and faults but we work around them to find common ground. I'm proud to say he is my greatest friend the one I can depend on anything. That is what a relationship is about, understanding each other's feelings and opinions.
@xdmaniac Look, sorry if I sounded mean. What I meant was, those romantic feelings never truly go away but if you think of the person as a person instead of a romantic interest to pursue, you can kind of push those feelings in the background to rest there. I guess it's hard to explain to a guy from a girl's point of view, but basically if you stop trying so hard to chase after that person, you'll realize that they're a person too instead of a goal for you to reach, and it becomes easier to interact with them because that imaginary goal your feelings set up for you goes away, it'll be less awkward and you'll feel more comfortable with them around. If it means you get put in the "friendzone", whatever. You'll still be near that person, interact with them, just not in a romantic way. And there's a bigger chance that they'll find something about you they like instead of betting on first impressions. (1/2)
Furthermore, there's a chance that you'll find something about them that you really don't like, a fatal flaw if you will, and you'll be glad that you "dodged a bullet".
However, what I said applies to normal people, it excludes manipulative bitches who use men to get free stuff and fuckboys. You should avoid those at all cost.
@abel_hazard Same! I crushed on so many people that if I were to break off all the friendships because of the crush, I'd have no friends.
@honeybumblebee Actually I see it quite a lot, people going from friends to dating. The people I know who did it (including myself and my boyfriend) are still together, while people who went for a relationship head straight broke up fast. I'm not acting like I found the meaning of life or anything but from my personal observations, relationships that sprung from a friendship seem to last longer and be stronger. However, I fully agree with your point on mutual understanding.
(2/2)
I've had crushes in my life as well and even though it hurt to hear them talk about other girls they liked, the fact that they were happy made me happy too. If you break off a friendship because the other person is happy with someone else, you never had real feelings for them. The only feeling you had was selfishness.
I'm not ignoring the existence of manipulative bitches who use men's feelings for their own gain. They exist and their presence can be destructive to one's self esteem and overall psyche. But it seems you're ignoring the existence of fuckboys.
I'm still with my first boyfriend because we've been friends for 8 years and he had two girlfriends in the meantime. I respected his relationships and didn't intrude, but I didn't avoid him either.
People say that women are emotional but geez, you guys can't just put those feelings in the background? You can easily hide chemistry by thinking of the other person as a person instead of a point of interest.
However, what I said applies to normal people, it excludes manipulative bitches who use men to get free stuff and fuckboys. You should avoid those at all cost.
@abel_hazard Same! I crushed on so many people that if I were to break off all the friendships because of the crush, I'd have no friends.
@honeybumblebee Actually I see it quite a lot, people going from friends to dating. The people I know who did it (including myself and my boyfriend) are still together, while people who went for a relationship head straight broke up fast. I'm not acting like I found the meaning of life or anything but from my personal observations, relationships that sprung from a friendship seem to last longer and be stronger. However, I fully agree with your point on mutual understanding.
(2/2)