Sounds right

Learning pointless shit that'll help some people but is mostly useless for everyone else whilst ignoring the important, need-to-know shit.

I intricately plan things out, though they often yield unexpected or even contradictory results. Upon investigating those results, I discover lots of interesting, novel, and potentially useful things, but I cannot further pursue them, as my funding and other regulations very specifically dictate what I am allowed to do.

I teach people how to deal with being yelled at by other people

I always have to do something my customers don't like and may even try to bite me for it

Counting paper and metallic disks and also repetitive motions.

Stopping people killing each other

Shooting trees up with drugs

President of the FCC

Save peoples lives so they can overdose/drink/attempt suicide again in a never ending cycle. Also, put wet stuff on red stuff.

I spread lotion on naked people for money.

I listen to people complain about other people and then tell them why they are wrong and that they are the problem.

Cleaner of the gene pool