Same. The big thing I'm considering tonight is that people who think they understand depression and try to help only really show me that they have no idea what depression is like. I'm not completely sold on the idea yet, but I'm toying with how people try to discourage suicide.
Telling me to not commit suicide kinda feels like what I would imagine a gay person feels when someone tells them to not be gay (Nobody has told me). It's just something that is intrinsically connected to my daily life. I'm curious as to how many times I consider it per day truthfully. Of course, homosexuals can't be cured and neither is there anything to cure. It's just that saying not to kill yourself mostly feels like a shaming thing to me. Plus, a lot of the one liners about anti-suicide are insulting at best and damaging lies at worst. One of the worst being "You're just passing the pain to others." As it says that I am weak, hateful, worthless, inconsiderate, and that my only purpose is to serve others.
Most people on fs, or anywhere for that matter, don't understand depression.
Many people are varying degrees of predatory upon women who they perceive as weakened, for any reason. Probably men, too. People are disappointing.
What sort of reaction would you like people to have? I don't know you, but you seem like you have unrealistic expectations of people. I'm assuming you don't want people to be jerks to you, but you also don't want people to care about you?
It's true, if one were to commit suicide, their loved ones would be consumed by sadness.
None of the other things you've said are necessarily true in that situation, but it can be said that their sadness was weighed, and found to be lacking.
Every decision has consequences. I feel like you'd like that particular decision to be consequence-free, which is strange, since you wouldn't be around to deal with them.
The one-liner I think makes sense is “suicide is the permanent solution to a temporary problem.” You’re, what? Seventeen? Set a goal. If you aren’t happy by 25 then eat the barrel of a gun. If you get there and you’re undecided then make it 35 before you go cliff diving. 35 seem not so bad? At 45, when life still sucks, mainline some rat poison.. and on down the line.
The issue with depression is that you are too emotional to make good decisions, especially snap decisions. Go about the process of suicide like you plan college and career and stick to your plan. You will probably find that somewhere along the way you don’t put that next milestone in place. I’m in my early 40’s and I’ve lived half a dozen lives as several different people since I was a kid. Life changes so much over the years you can barely believe who you were in the past. But only if you let it.
Also, I hear it cures depression if you smile more...
Decisions have consequences, I agree. The decision to live is still a decision. When I kill myself, that does affect other people. It also affects me when I don't. It's not my job to make everyone happy at the cost of my own. It's not my job to suffer to stop my mother from crying for a few months which will fade into only the occasional pang.
I don't have high expectations for anyone. I don't even expect nor want a funeral or even to be mourned. People seem to have too high expectations in me. I don't want people to care about me. I talk about my suicide commonly because I'm preparing for it. I don't want to get better. I want to get strong enough. Another quote is that depression is living in a body that wants to live with a mind that wants to die. My mind knows what it wants yet my body still recoils.
You go to Valhalla after dying in battle. I remember a prompt talking about it somewhere. On a whim, I jotted down a few quick thoughts on it.
"My battle was that against Mistress Life herself. For years I fought her. Alas, she was stronger than I was ever warned. A mere mortal like myself never stood a chance.
There were no damsels left behind to weep for me nor brave allies to honor my body. My last breath left my lips alone. I knew I was defeated. It pained me to continue, and I knew she would never let me thrive. But I refused to kneel before her. Unlike the fools around me waiting for her to behead them, I went out head first. I did not wait for Death to approach. I charged her myself and my heart stopped at my own will. My battle was not fought against others. It was a battle between Life and I. She won but it was by my own will."
I don't believe in any Afterlife, but the Valhalla theme fit nicely with it.
I don't know your case, and I don't claim to be a professional when it comes to this subject, but I'm curious as to your thinking. Do you feel like you're stuck, with no way of escape to a life where you might conceivably have things to live for, or have you experienced so much in life and yet find nothing makes you happy?
On another subject, I worry that some people in life might be experiencing imbalances that, through no fault of their own, might be causing them unnecessary pain. The brain is complicated and vaguely understood thing. I know I would grieve tenfold if one of my children were to make such a decision due to their own chemistry conspiring against them and their better judgement.
I simply evaluated the benefits of living against not living. I admit that faulty brain chemistry is at play, but that doesn't mean I am not who I am. I am my brain even if my brain is faulty. I see far more negatives to living than positives.
Telling me to not commit suicide kinda feels like what I would imagine a gay person feels when someone tells them to not be gay (Nobody has told me). It's just something that is intrinsically connected to my daily life. I'm curious as to how many times I consider it per day truthfully. Of course, homosexuals can't be cured and neither is there anything to cure. It's just that saying not to kill yourself mostly feels like a shaming thing to me. Plus, a lot of the one liners about anti-suicide are insulting at best and damaging lies at worst. One of the worst being "You're just passing the pain to others." As it says that I am weak, hateful, worthless, inconsiderate, and that my only purpose is to serve others.
Many people are varying degrees of predatory upon women who they perceive as weakened, for any reason. Probably men, too. People are disappointing.
What sort of reaction would you like people to have? I don't know you, but you seem like you have unrealistic expectations of people. I'm assuming you don't want people to be jerks to you, but you also don't want people to care about you?
It's true, if one were to commit suicide, their loved ones would be consumed by sadness.
None of the other things you've said are necessarily true in that situation, but it can be said that their sadness was weighed, and found to be lacking.
Every decision has consequences. I feel like you'd like that particular decision to be consequence-free, which is strange, since you wouldn't be around to deal with them.
The issue with depression is that you are too emotional to make good decisions, especially snap decisions. Go about the process of suicide like you plan college and career and stick to your plan. You will probably find that somewhere along the way you don’t put that next milestone in place. I’m in my early 40’s and I’ve lived half a dozen lives as several different people since I was a kid. Life changes so much over the years you can barely believe who you were in the past. But only if you let it.
Also, I hear it cures depression if you smile more...
I don't have high expectations for anyone. I don't even expect nor want a funeral or even to be mourned. People seem to have too high expectations in me. I don't want people to care about me. I talk about my suicide commonly because I'm preparing for it. I don't want to get better. I want to get strong enough. Another quote is that depression is living in a body that wants to live with a mind that wants to die. My mind knows what it wants yet my body still recoils.
"My battle was that against Mistress Life herself. For years I fought her. Alas, she was stronger than I was ever warned. A mere mortal like myself never stood a chance.
There were no damsels left behind to weep for me nor brave allies to honor my body. My last breath left my lips alone. I knew I was defeated. It pained me to continue, and I knew she would never let me thrive. But I refused to kneel before her. Unlike the fools around me waiting for her to behead them, I went out head first. I did not wait for Death to approach. I charged her myself and my heart stopped at my own will. My battle was not fought against others. It was a battle between Life and I. She won but it was by my own will."
I don't believe in any Afterlife, but the Valhalla theme fit nicely with it.
On another subject, I worry that some people in life might be experiencing imbalances that, through no fault of their own, might be causing them unnecessary pain. The brain is complicated and vaguely understood thing. I know I would grieve tenfold if one of my children were to make such a decision due to their own chemistry conspiring against them and their better judgement.