If people could stop waiting around for someone else to make the first move, that would be great. Regardless of your gender, if you want someone to ask you out, you ask them, no one is a mind reader. Waiting around for others is only wasting your time.
I met my husband online through AOL Chat (dang I am old lol)
He posted a comment in public chat:
"Nice guy wants to chat with nice girl"
I responded in public chat
"How nice does the girl have to be?"
He didn't respond and posted it again.
I said in public chat
"I asked how nice does the girl have to be?"
He responded
"Oh sorry didn't see you. Just a regular nice girl."
I said in private chat
"I was trying to flirt with you."
He said
"O lol I didn't know."
Than I had to take it from there lmao asking a/s/l and all sorts of questions till he realized I really wanted to talk. Lol
Honestly if I didn't make the first move we would of never got married.
the marriage does not have to be held up by sex. It is a healthy activity, and can help ease tensions in a relationship. If a man is denied such a basic need they could be driven to other options. Certainly no one would ask for that situation
Have you considered asking her? I mean, she's right there. She's usually pretty open, she might be willing to inform you about how she handled it. Assuming this is correct-- I honestly have no idea if she's asexual.
'
You know what? I'll take the initiative.
@mrscollector there's a bit of a kerfuffle involving your life going on, it seems you may need to be involved
Yes I am Asexual
YES I told my husband I was Asexual BEFORE we even met in person
YES we have sex
Just because I am Asexual doesn't mean I don't have sex.
It means unlike everyone else I dont have a sex drive. I can go my whole life, never have sex and be 100% fine with it. I do not look at porn, I do not masturbate, I just have no sex drive.
When my husband wants to have sex we do.
@jeremy Asexuals is 1% of the world. It would be more but unlike being gay or bi it doesn't really have a reason to tell people you are Asexual. My family doesn't even know. Because I don't see a reason to tell them. If I was gay or bi yes I would tell them but even though I am Asexual I perfer men.
I did not "rope him into a Asexual marriage" what did you think I did? Fake it till he said I do than go "FYI I am Asexual ha ha you got married to an Asexual you will never have sex again ha ha."
I have a kid how the fuck you think she happen? Fairies? I wish fairies I had an emergency C-section. That means I was cut belly button to top of my vajajay. She was ripped out of my like an alien. And it was so bad they put me under for it.
No she wasn't artificially inseminated we are to poor for it. She was got the old fashioned way.
So yeah you an idjit for thinking I be that mean to doop a person. Like that.
Idjit pervert. I perfer calling them an idjit pervert.
I am not according to the Bible thumpers
"COMMITTING SIN"
(Their words not mine. I believe in love and peace among all and giving all equal rights man or woman.)
I am not in a parade going
"I am HERE I am ASEXUAL GET USED TO IT"
I am just me but with out a need for sex. I swear the way some people act is as if I said "I don't need air to breath I just dunk my head in a tank of water every few minutes and I am fine."
I crave the emotional relationship of a man but I do not crave sex.
From a biblical point of view homosexuality was considered a sin because of pagan beliefs before it that said it was a waste of potential children as at the time every child was needed for the survival of the group. In the same vein as that asexuality would probably be considered a sin by that logic even tho you have kids
Look my favorite cousin is a lesbian. I once told her sex is like a pizza.
The majority of the world like pepperoni.
Being stright.
Some like everything on top.
Bi sexual
Some like extra meat
Gay
Some like veggie
Lesbian
Than some just like plain cheese
Asexual
And some people don't know what to order so they look off the menu to see what is good
Pan Sexual
All great pizzas but all just like what they like there is no rhyme or reason it is just who they are.
I like plain cheese though occasionally I will eat pepperoni. I get it because my husband likes it.
I personally don't know if I'd be able to have sex for the sake of the other person. I find it a quite a bit repulsive at times and I'm prone to anxiety/panic attacks which seems like a bad thing to mix with being an asexual that's uncomfortable with the idea of having sex
Well there is all kinds of Asexuals. What I do is my only personal way. Not everyone's sex life is the same. Some Asexuals let their partners have a sex partner. Some just marry other Asexuals. Some just don't get married. There is many levels of Asexual. I wanted a family and a husband. I have sex for him because I love him.
He doesn't pressure me to have sex he ask if we can and I admit some times I say not now because I am tired from work or house work or just not feeling well. But I usually say yes.
But remember just be honest about your self to your partner and together you both can figure out what works best for you. And yeah I have had relationships that they said they could make it work but in the end felt they couldn't do it but you will find the one that does.
And besides eventually all marriages stop having sex expect on birthdays, holidays, and anniversaries lol.
And there we have it. Sometimes it's better to go right to the source rather than beating around it.
'
I can't tell if Jeremy is bias or just ignorant, but hopefully this turned into a learning experience for someone who digs through the comment chain at the very least.
'
This website may help people with further questions
And there we have it. Sometimes it's better to go right to the source rather than beating around it.
'
As a side note, here's a website that might help clear up more confusion for anyone interested, since bethorien and mrscollector may or may not want to explain everything about asexuality to people unfamiliar:
'
http://www.asexualawarenessweek.com/101.html
By the way @xvarnah and @bethorien thanks for standing up for me that means alot.
Honestly being Asexual is difficult. We don't have a community like the LGBT though some are starting to add us. Asexual isn't really something people talk about because unless we are attracted to our same gender than we don't stand out.
We have no real reason to announce to anyone other than our partner that we are Asexual. No one cares about us so we slide under the radar. But when we get seen rarely is it someone nice. It usually is well like I said "Idjit Perverts" who think I am an alien because I don't like sex nore do I have a need to do it.
They think I tricked my husband or when we do it I lay there spread eagle and ask "Are you done yet?"
I always get roped into a debate where I feel like I have to defend myself as if I am on trial for murder.
Honestly surprised that guy remembered I said I am Asexual.
Well like I said thank you both so much.
asexual awareness week was kinda recentlyish. I've got 3 ace pride flag heart stickers on my laptop now. A lot of my friends know im asexual because of a few things like 2 or 3 were the people I was talking to when I was trying to figure out what exactly I should even term myself as back in highschool and the others sexuality and things like that tend to come up in conversation and such
I understand that there's a lot of ignorance about the whole thing, and with ignorance comes confusion comes assumptions comes bias.
'
I'm definitely not an asexual, but having sex has never been something that was a driving force in my life. I've had periods that have lasted for awhile where I genuinely don't care about sex at all. So while I can never really understand what it's like to be asexual, I can empathize a little bit.
'
I don't even know much about asexuality myself, but that's what makes things like this chain important. People need to talk about it if we're ever going to understand what's going on.
I think people forget also that a lot of people have sex when they're "not in the mood." Which, again, is not the same as asexuality, this is more addressing the "lying there without moving" line of thinking. Most women will do it at least once in their life. And often times their partner's won't know.
'
A comparison that comes to my mind (and you guys should correct me if I'm wrong) is doing such a thing (asexual or not) is not so different from performing oral sex on someone. Performing it is less about wanting physical pleasure (though some do get that from doing so), and more about bonding and making your partner feel good, which makes you feel good in response.
'
It's less of an "if I have to I guess" state of mind, and more akin to "I'll do it because you like it, and I love you. And making you happy makes me happy."
'
I really hope I'm wording this the way I'm trying to, I'm decently tired so things may not be coming out quite right
I'm the flavor of asexual that tends to be at least a little bit repulsed and generally made uncomfortable by the idea of having sex with someone. I've also got paranoia so I've also got an irrational fear of being raped from the two things mixing together.
@xvarnah love the meme lol but yeah you got it very close.
Some of us do enjoy sex but just don't feel sexually attracted to our perfered partners.
While some like @bethorien don't want anything to do with sex.
I am just above bethorien there is some sexual acts I perfer really not to do and some of them are very common. But I love my husband dearly so I do things for him. Like you said.
Also some of us like me believe a relationship is not about sex but about how you feel towards each other. I tell my husband I love him everyday more than I can count because I love him.
But there are a few of us that don't even want a romantic relationship.
My uncle is this. He doesn't want a romantic relationship or a sexual one with anyone. He loves his family and friends but he never had a girlfriend or did he want one.
Honestly Asexual is more about emotions than sex. It is just hard for people to understand that.
I think I said something wrong probably (I'm operating on very little sleep) if I implied asexuals don't enjoy sex haha. I know some do and some don't, and, as you guys have stated/proven, it clearly varies from person to person. Either way, you guys articulated different ends of the spectrum quite well I think. We put a lot of emphasis on sex as a society, and yet at the end of the day the foundation of any lasting relationship rarely seems to be built on sex at all
'
@bethorien that sounds like a horrendous struggle to go through. :/ but at least you do have your friends for the time being. Are you paranoid about all relationships? Or just ones where a partner is actively interested in sex? (Don't feel obliged to answer anything I ask)
I've never been in a serious relationship so I don't know if its specific to anything as I've no experience to tell me if my paranoia will cling to it still in the case of actually having a partner.
I asked a guy out but he has a gf so now we're going to get together, as friends, to get to know each other better. Still trying to figure out when since we're both so busy. It's something.
He posted a comment in public chat:
"Nice guy wants to chat with nice girl"
I responded in public chat
"How nice does the girl have to be?"
He didn't respond and posted it again.
I said in public chat
"I asked how nice does the girl have to be?"
He responded
"Oh sorry didn't see you. Just a regular nice girl."
I said in private chat
"I was trying to flirt with you."
He said
"O lol I didn't know."
Than I had to take it from there lmao asking a/s/l and all sorts of questions till he realized I really wanted to talk. Lol
Honestly if I didn't make the first move we would of never got married.
'
You know what? I'll take the initiative.
@mrscollector there's a bit of a kerfuffle involving your life going on, it seems you may need to be involved
YES I told my husband I was Asexual BEFORE we even met in person
YES we have sex
Just because I am Asexual doesn't mean I don't have sex.
It means unlike everyone else I dont have a sex drive. I can go my whole life, never have sex and be 100% fine with it. I do not look at porn, I do not masturbate, I just have no sex drive.
When my husband wants to have sex we do.
@jeremy Asexuals is 1% of the world. It would be more but unlike being gay or bi it doesn't really have a reason to tell people you are Asexual. My family doesn't even know. Because I don't see a reason to tell them. If I was gay or bi yes I would tell them but even though I am Asexual I perfer men.
I did not "rope him into a Asexual marriage" what did you think I did? Fake it till he said I do than go "FYI I am Asexual ha ha you got married to an Asexual you will never have sex again ha ha."
No she wasn't artificially inseminated we are to poor for it. She was got the old fashioned way.
So yeah you an idjit for thinking I be that mean to doop a person. Like that.
I am not according to the Bible thumpers
"COMMITTING SIN"
(Their words not mine. I believe in love and peace among all and giving all equal rights man or woman.)
I am not in a parade going
"I am HERE I am ASEXUAL GET USED TO IT"
I am just me but with out a need for sex. I swear the way some people act is as if I said "I don't need air to breath I just dunk my head in a tank of water every few minutes and I am fine."
I crave the emotional relationship of a man but I do not crave sex.
The majority of the world like pepperoni.
Being stright.
Some like everything on top.
Bi sexual
Some like extra meat
Gay
Some like veggie
Lesbian
Than some just like plain cheese
Asexual
And some people don't know what to order so they look off the menu to see what is good
Pan Sexual
All great pizzas but all just like what they like there is no rhyme or reason it is just who they are.
I like plain cheese though occasionally I will eat pepperoni. I get it because my husband likes it.
He doesn't pressure me to have sex he ask if we can and I admit some times I say not now because I am tired from work or house work or just not feeling well. But I usually say yes.
But remember just be honest about your self to your partner and together you both can figure out what works best for you. And yeah I have had relationships that they said they could make it work but in the end felt they couldn't do it but you will find the one that does.
And besides eventually all marriages stop having sex expect on birthdays, holidays, and anniversaries lol.
'
I can't tell if Jeremy is bias or just ignorant, but hopefully this turned into a learning experience for someone who digs through the comment chain at the very least.
'
This website may help people with further questions
And there we have it. Sometimes it's better to go right to the source rather than beating around it.
'
As a side note, here's a website that might help clear up more confusion for anyone interested, since bethorien and mrscollector may or may not want to explain everything about asexuality to people unfamiliar:
'
http://www.asexualawarenessweek.com/101.html
Honestly being Asexual is difficult. We don't have a community like the LGBT though some are starting to add us. Asexual isn't really something people talk about because unless we are attracted to our same gender than we don't stand out.
We have no real reason to announce to anyone other than our partner that we are Asexual. No one cares about us so we slide under the radar. But when we get seen rarely is it someone nice. It usually is well like I said "Idjit Perverts" who think I am an alien because I don't like sex nore do I have a need to do it.
They think I tricked my husband or when we do it I lay there spread eagle and ask "Are you done yet?"
I always get roped into a debate where I feel like I have to defend myself as if I am on trial for murder.
Honestly surprised that guy remembered I said I am Asexual.
Well like I said thank you both so much.
'
I'm definitely not an asexual, but having sex has never been something that was a driving force in my life. I've had periods that have lasted for awhile where I genuinely don't care about sex at all. So while I can never really understand what it's like to be asexual, I can empathize a little bit.
'
I don't even know much about asexuality myself, but that's what makes things like this chain important. People need to talk about it if we're ever going to understand what's going on.
'
A comparison that comes to my mind (and you guys should correct me if I'm wrong) is doing such a thing (asexual or not) is not so different from performing oral sex on someone. Performing it is less about wanting physical pleasure (though some do get that from doing so), and more about bonding and making your partner feel good, which makes you feel good in response.
'
It's less of an "if I have to I guess" state of mind, and more akin to "I'll do it because you like it, and I love you. And making you happy makes me happy."
'
I really hope I'm wording this the way I'm trying to, I'm decently tired so things may not be coming out quite right
https://i.imgflip.com/2niy7h.jpg
Some of us do enjoy sex but just don't feel sexually attracted to our perfered partners.
While some like @bethorien don't want anything to do with sex.
I am just above bethorien there is some sexual acts I perfer really not to do and some of them are very common. But I love my husband dearly so I do things for him. Like you said.
Also some of us like me believe a relationship is not about sex but about how you feel towards each other. I tell my husband I love him everyday more than I can count because I love him.
But there are a few of us that don't even want a romantic relationship.
My uncle is this. He doesn't want a romantic relationship or a sexual one with anyone. He loves his family and friends but he never had a girlfriend or did he want one.
Honestly Asexual is more about emotions than sex. It is just hard for people to understand that.
'
@bethorien that sounds like a horrendous struggle to go through. :/ but at least you do have your friends for the time being. Are you paranoid about all relationships? Or just ones where a partner is actively interested in sex? (Don't feel obliged to answer anything I ask)