"Nobody ever bakes a cake, gets all the ingredients from the store, follows the directions step by step, takes it out of the oven and goes 'a cake? Oh shit-- I meant to do my taxes!'"
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https://m.imgur.com/gallery/mkxEK
While I think cheating itself is always wrong- I can’t condone or condemn the people involved because relationships are complex and unique, circumstances of cheating are wide and varied, and such judgments are between those people involved. However I can say this statement is somewhat pop art tee shirt jargon nonsense. That time you wore white short shorts on your period was a mistake. But it was also a choice. That time you got the wrong batteries was a mistake- but also a choice. Not studying for the finals was a mistake- but also a choice. So on. We can make a conscious choice in a moment, or a series of moments, based on what is in front of us, and only later recognize the mistake. That time you drank too much and made a fool of yourself or felt like crap was a mistake- but you got caught up in the moment and your judgment was impaired by that. You may not have faced a choice like that before and were overwhelmed and went with peer pressure. I’m not excusing cheating. I’m saying...
... what is a choice can also be a mistake, and that humans do make mistakes. We do not have to shrug off those mistakes- forget they happened or hold the person blameless. The fact something is or isn’t a mistake doesn’t change that people got hurt. It does factor in however to how we judge the deed. There is a big difference between a person stabbing another intentionally to hurt them, doing something obviously stupid that ends up with a person being stabbed and hurt, and a person getting stabbed by what with hindsight or removal from a situation would be the predictable but unintended result of the choice. I’ve never cheated, to be clear, nor do I mean that cheaters should be taken back or made to be the victim. I’m saying cheating is a choice, but choices can be mistakes so this logic is faulty.
Understand perhaps. I can’t again condone or condemn it. There is certainly a possibility that if you tried to leave the person- they may retaliate. There’s also a possibility that in the case of extreme abuse, you may have little or no privacy and autonomy so you are more a prisoner than a part of a romantic relationship. Of course abuse often does thing to self esteem and mental state, makes people feel powerless or even like the “deserve it,” and that’s not even touching the fact that those who find themselves in an abusive relationship may have already had problems with self esteem or asserting themselves. So- I can certainly understand why a person in an abusive relationship might cheat, or even why they might not WANT to cheat but feel unsafe to openly leave a partner or tell them they want an “open” relationship. That’s part of why One can’t univerally judge “cheaters.” Every case is unique- and it’s between the person and their partner. I’ve dated people who have cheated...
... in their past. I’ve never cheated- but I don’t judge a partner or perspective partner on those things. I wasn’t there, in their relationship every day. I don’t know the details and even if I had both sides of the story I still likely wouldn’t have “the truth.” It’s just life. It can get complicated and messy but we are all living it. To an outsider we have all made decisions that they might question, and likely we have all made decisions we don’t even feel very good about. If a person lives long enough- they will fuck up in some dirty way. If we learn, change, and try not to do the same thing again or end up face to face with the same horrible choice that’s about as good as we can do.
I'm 28. Half of the mens who want to sleep with me are 35 years old married guys, I'm so done. I still believe in love but I don't believe in fidelity anymore. Maybe the solution is to be in an open relationship ?...
(PS : Sorry for the faults / not an english girl / thanks !)
@guest- please don’t feel the need to apologize. You speak as well or better than many native speakers I’ve seen on this site. I’m sorry to hear about your troubles. Monogamy isn’t for everyone, and many people enjoy and have healthy open relationships. What I can say is this- Fidelity isn’t about open or monogamous relationships. It’s trust. In an open relationship there are still rules. Things like “use a condom,” or “not in our bed/home,” “no one from work,” “none of our friends,” etc. open relationships rely as much or more on trust than “closed” ones. Those men all made promises they didn’t keep- so it’s likely they would break promises in an open relationship too. I’m glad you still believe in love. It’s about finding the right partner. Not just someone who is compatible and gives you that “special feeling,” but that you can genuinely trust. Best of luck to you. Good men are out there, if you spend enough time in the sewer you’ll forget there are other animals than rats.
IF HE CHEATED ON YOU, instead of leaving him just understand the fact that you lack something which the girl he cheated on you with, doesn't. Find out the error in yourself, apologize to him, say sorry to him. Accept it, be a better woman. He's innocent and you are the one with guilt.
You NEVER need to cheat. You’re a piece of shit @guest, and I hope you grow up for everyone’s sake. If you think she isn’t giving you what you want or need- you can discuss things. Maybe she’s pulling away because she feels the same about you? If you don’t communicate with your partner you end up with these unsaid problems that cause issues. If talking goes nowhere, if you try as much as you are willing or able and get no meaningful compromise or solutions, you have options. Maybe you like everything but this one aspect of your relationship and don’t want to break up? Ok. Then tell them. Tell them that you aren’t getting what you need and want to change the relationship so that you can get that from other people while still being together. If they agree then you are not cheating, you’ve kept the trust. If they disagree- you can break up or they might just leave you. But you didn’t cheat, you’re free to go find what you felt you were missing, and they are free to find someone else.
I have never read a statement more true than this. She just needs to realize she is lacking in some area. Apologize to him for her failures and realize he is cheating because he cares for her. If he didnt care he would just leave and move on to the next. She should be happy he is getting all his needs and wants fullfilled while still being with and taking care of her.
Keep in mind these guests are trolls, or else from the same kind of warped thought-process as the people who think women will go to hell because men masterbate to them.
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They're too ridiculous to be alive. We all know and agree that their opinions are benign, irrelevant, illogical, and just plain idiotic to the point of despair. Don't allow them to enrage you too much-- just keep your fingers crossed they never reproduce (though the odds seem low already), and carry on having a great day! :)
Lol. Thanks @xvarnah. It’s alright. I am far from rage or even bother. Much as I pass sentence on a cockroach as a pest but am not emotionally effected by it, I realize that some people have much growing to do before they can really be human, so I generally don’t get too worked up over the human kind of roaches either. The second guest comment- if actually a second guest and not the same person or an associate- pretty much cements that someone is playing a game of trolling. They may believe as they wish, its a free country. My day is going pretty well honestly. Hopefully yours too?
Haha I'm glad. I was addressing more the comment section as a whole than a specific person. I can't recall ever seeing you as anything close to enraged on here so it's hard for me to even picture you close to that
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I suspect it's the same person, or from the usual pool of morons that pop up every now and again on here. Tbh sometimes I've even wondered if it isn't someone signing out of their account when they're bored just to leave comments like that
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It isn't going too bad Haha. A few hiccups the last few days but I'm not feeling unhappy regardless so I count that as a plus. :)
Lol. I’m glad I’m not alone. I’ve often wondered the same thing- or suspected based on trends in posts that certain users might sign in as guests to post controversial opinions they don’t want linked to them, troll, or otherwise insult or downvote (or vote more than once on a post,) as well as to use guests accounts to lend support to their arguments or agendas. I’m sorry to hear of the hiccups- but I suppose hiccups are better than more extreme things life can throw our way. I’m glad you’re feeling well overall though. Hopefully the hiccups go away by the weekend and you have a good one.
Haha oh I guarantee people do that, I was just never sure about these specific sort of trolling posts.
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And I'm sure it'll all be alright. I know you've had a few of your own recently-- and I hope those are smoothing out as well.
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· 5 years ago
The two guest postings above are apparently made using the same IP adress. as far as I understand this: https://funsubstance.com/comment/list/3074419/ so it apparently is a troll applauding him/herself. So sad.
@halfdeadhammerhead lmao x) I have no idea how you do that for guest posts, but, even though I figured as much, for some reason it's very funny to have it confirmed
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https://m.imgur.com/gallery/mkxEK
(PS : Sorry for the faults / not an english girl / thanks !)
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They're too ridiculous to be alive. We all know and agree that their opinions are benign, irrelevant, illogical, and just plain idiotic to the point of despair. Don't allow them to enrage you too much-- just keep your fingers crossed they never reproduce (though the odds seem low already), and carry on having a great day! :)
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I suspect it's the same person, or from the usual pool of morons that pop up every now and again on here. Tbh sometimes I've even wondered if it isn't someone signing out of their account when they're bored just to leave comments like that
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It isn't going too bad Haha. A few hiccups the last few days but I'm not feeling unhappy regardless so I count that as a plus. :)
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And I'm sure it'll all be alright. I know you've had a few of your own recently-- and I hope those are smoothing out as well.