As an Asexul in a marriage I would like to say that this Anonymous commenter is a F*CKING MORON!
Sorry sorry. *takes a deep breath*
*Rolls eyes*
Just because someone is Asexul does not mean they do not have sex. It means they experience little to no sexual attraction to the gender they wish to date. That doesn't mean they don't want to be in a relationship and live happily ever after. Just means what they do in bed will be for the other person.
Why is it so hard for people to get this it's not that hard to figure out. I get it it's not like being gay where two men want to be together or two women. It is just one person who would like to be in a relationship or not and would be fine with it.
Sex is not love love is not sex if you base your relationship on sex you are doomed to fall out of love. You will look at your partner and think to yourself I have nothing in common with this person except that we were together for so many years.
It’s not as obvious as you make it out to be. Part of what attracts us to another person is their attraction to us. I have been in relationships where the sex was only for my benefit and ones where there was a mutual excitement and fulfillment from sex. In my experience there is a marked difference in the overall satisfaction of the relationship.
Asexuals still get the whole crush thing. I have had crushes and flirted. I have done the gush over the one you love. I have and had crushes on celebrates and I was just like any other girl who had that one teacher that they think is so "dreamy" lol. We respond to love like every single other person in the world. We blush, we pay extra attion to how we look if we are going to see that person, we smile more when around them. We still LOVE! Just we don't go "DAMN HE IS FINE!" lmfao
Look at that picture of her and him it is obvious they love each other. She loves him very much.
I love my husband with all my heart. Attraction is not "I want to hump your bones." lol it is an emotion that makes you see someone in a different way.
It is like holding your crushes hand for the first time. It is like staying up till morning with the one you love just talking about your life. It is cuddling under a warm fuzzy blanket and watching movies together and it is falling asleep in each other's arms.
What about passion? “I want to hunp your bones” is a part of romantic feelings. You can’t nominalize the role of sex in an adult relationship; it is important. A partner who goes through the motions just because they love you doesn’t lend itself to a positive sex life.
Not everyone finds that important. Some need someone just to be there for them at their side through life. Someone who will love them.
If sex is so important I suggest don't date an Asexul. Try the other side of the spectrum. A sex addict. Because they only care about the sex. They base their life around the raw animal passion you are asking for.
Many Asexuals find out they are Asexuals after dating a few people. Some are lucky enough to realize it at a young age. For me I thought there might be something wrong with me in elementary school because I didn't like boys like other kids. I didn't date till 9th grade with my first real bf I didn't understand how to be a gf. He try hold my hand and most girls will gush but I felt weird like it was wrong.
It happen to every bf after that. The only ones I did like were online bfs. No physical stuff. It wasn't till I realized I am Asexul was I able to understand who I was and my roll in a relationship and how to be in a relationship.
I always felt like relationships is a German block of wood that some weird aunt gives you for a gift and said this is a toy and you have no freaking idea how to play with it. Till someone explains what you should do with it.
After I figured out what I was I told each potential relationship I went into. Yeah I lost one or two due to it but I found someone who didn't care about that. He loves me for me.
And honestly to sit there and pretty much say my relationship is not real just because I don't feel sexual desire is really fucked up.
Like I said not everyone feels sex is important.
I never said anything about your relationship not being real. I said it’s not as obvious as you make it to our be that a relationship that doesn’t involve sexual desire is healthy. Just because you don’t connect love and sex doesn’t mean they aren’t connected for most people. All life, in order to survive, has to have an imperative to procreate. To support that there are reward systems built in to incentivize sexual activity. Orgasms are a good example but an increase in affection, intimacy, and attraction are experienced when people have sex to also motivate regular procreative activity. To most people a relationship without sex makes them feel distant from their partner. That why to most people your point is not obvious.
You don't understand what you yourself is saying. To say that me being asexual means I don't have sex is wrong I do have sex. And I do have the will to "procreate". I have a 11 yr old daughter. Who was conseved the natural way. We would have more but we know that would be stupid seeing our financial situation.
Not every single relationship needs to be the same.
I am trying to tell you that. Even though for alot of people it is love and sex together. There are people who just can't emotional find sex desirable. We are still human if you push certain buttons things happen.
We just don't fiddle with our buttons as others do.
I am not saying ALL RELATIONSHIPS should be sexless but you are saying all relationships need sex. And I am trying to make it as clear as possible that it don't.
I look at my husband and I know I would do anything to make him happy. Make him better if hurt or make him smile when sad. I care for him like every single wife who loves her husband.
But I don't look at him and think God I am so horny I could fuck a door knob! When sex does come to mind it is more like: I bet he would really like to have sex tonight.
Honestly being Asexul is just like everyone in the world loves candy and if they were offered one they would take it easily. They go to the store and is tempted to buy hell maybe steal a candy.
But us Asexuals walk around and don't even care about candy. If offered we might take it out of kindness. We can enjoy the little sugar rush it gives and the taste. But once it is through we don't go seeking out it again. We can walk past the candy at the store and not even give it a look.
It is like we were just made with out that part in our body that makes us want sex.
Just like how gay men don't find woman attractive.
Or how gay woman don't find men attractive.
I can look at all forms of the human body all shapes and sizes and not find any desirable, beautiful yes, desirable no.
Again, I have not stated anything about your relationship nor have I judged it. I am merely pointing out that most people aren’t asexual so the idea of a good relationship where a partner lacks desire for sex is not obvious to them as you seem to think it should be.
Look I understand that asexual is not something they can wrap their mind around.
I am trying to say this as simple as possible.
I am Asexual
I have sex
I don't need sex
When Asexuals have sex they go through sex as anyone else does.
I do not think about sex like others do
I am like the opposite of a sex addict.
They can have sex with anyone I have to have it with someone I love.
They think of it constantly.
I think of it little to never.
I could go years with out ANY sexual action.
They can't go a day.
.
Think of love as peanut butter and sex as jelly. Yes a PB&J is good but some eat PB not with grape jelly but with strawberry or orange jelly/jam, or marshmallow fluff, some with bacon, some even with onions or tomatoes or chocolate. While some eat a PB&J without the PB. As for Asexuals we can eat it with just PB and be happy. If I share it with someone I love I will happily add what the other likes. Just to make them happy.
We don't scream all should only eat PB and all other options should be gone, but for some reason everyone thinks eating just PB is so insane that it means the PB is not real Peanut butter.
.
We just want to love and live the way we feel the most comfortable. This is why not every Asexual tells people. My own parents don't know. And I never plan to tell them. I see no reason to. I tell people if they pressure me but that is it.
I say it on here because I see no reason I shouldn't and Isay it so other Asexuals don't feel alone.
It isn't like being Gay we don't have a day or a parade. We have only a few sites. Even the LBGT doesn't fully accept us yet.
There is more of us than the world knows just we are a silent group.
We even have a flag and 2 symbols. Yet we are seen as weird. Or not natural.
I understand what an asexual is. Your initial comment included “Why is it so hard for people to get this it's not that hard to figure out.“
I am attempting to explain why it is so hard for people to get it.
To summarize: to people who value sex in a relationship the lack of desire from a partner is a sign of a problem. The idea of a relationship where it is normal is a foreign concept.
That is why it is hard for them to figure it out.
Sorry sorry. *takes a deep breath*
*Rolls eyes*
Just because someone is Asexul does not mean they do not have sex. It means they experience little to no sexual attraction to the gender they wish to date. That doesn't mean they don't want to be in a relationship and live happily ever after. Just means what they do in bed will be for the other person.
Why is it so hard for people to get this it's not that hard to figure out. I get it it's not like being gay where two men want to be together or two women. It is just one person who would like to be in a relationship or not and would be fine with it.
Sex is not love love is not sex if you base your relationship on sex you are doomed to fall out of love. You will look at your partner and think to yourself I have nothing in common with this person except that we were together for so many years.
Look at that picture of her and him it is obvious they love each other. She loves him very much.
I love my husband with all my heart. Attraction is not "I want to hump your bones." lol it is an emotion that makes you see someone in a different way.
It is like holding your crushes hand for the first time. It is like staying up till morning with the one you love just talking about your life. It is cuddling under a warm fuzzy blanket and watching movies together and it is falling asleep in each other's arms.
If sex is so important I suggest don't date an Asexul. Try the other side of the spectrum. A sex addict. Because they only care about the sex. They base their life around the raw animal passion you are asking for.
Many Asexuals find out they are Asexuals after dating a few people. Some are lucky enough to realize it at a young age. For me I thought there might be something wrong with me in elementary school because I didn't like boys like other kids. I didn't date till 9th grade with my first real bf I didn't understand how to be a gf. He try hold my hand and most girls will gush but I felt weird like it was wrong.
It happen to every bf after that. The only ones I did like were online bfs. No physical stuff. It wasn't till I realized I am Asexul was I able to understand who I was and my roll in a relationship and how to be in a relationship.
After I figured out what I was I told each potential relationship I went into. Yeah I lost one or two due to it but I found someone who didn't care about that. He loves me for me.
And honestly to sit there and pretty much say my relationship is not real just because I don't feel sexual desire is really fucked up.
Like I said not everyone feels sex is important.
Not every single relationship needs to be the same.
I am trying to tell you that. Even though for alot of people it is love and sex together. There are people who just can't emotional find sex desirable. We are still human if you push certain buttons things happen.
We just don't fiddle with our buttons as others do.
I am not saying ALL RELATIONSHIPS should be sexless but you are saying all relationships need sex. And I am trying to make it as clear as possible that it don't.
I look at my husband and I know I would do anything to make him happy. Make him better if hurt or make him smile when sad. I care for him like every single wife who loves her husband.
Honestly being Asexul is just like everyone in the world loves candy and if they were offered one they would take it easily. They go to the store and is tempted to buy hell maybe steal a candy.
But us Asexuals walk around and don't even care about candy. If offered we might take it out of kindness. We can enjoy the little sugar rush it gives and the taste. But once it is through we don't go seeking out it again. We can walk past the candy at the store and not even give it a look.
It is like we were just made with out that part in our body that makes us want sex.
Just like how gay men don't find woman attractive.
Or how gay woman don't find men attractive.
I can look at all forms of the human body all shapes and sizes and not find any desirable, beautiful yes, desirable no.
I am trying to say this as simple as possible.
I am Asexual
I have sex
I don't need sex
When Asexuals have sex they go through sex as anyone else does.
I do not think about sex like others do
I am like the opposite of a sex addict.
They can have sex with anyone I have to have it with someone I love.
They think of it constantly.
I think of it little to never.
I could go years with out ANY sexual action.
They can't go a day.
.
Think of love as peanut butter and sex as jelly. Yes a PB&J is good but some eat PB not with grape jelly but with strawberry or orange jelly/jam, or marshmallow fluff, some with bacon, some even with onions or tomatoes or chocolate. While some eat a PB&J without the PB. As for Asexuals we can eat it with just PB and be happy. If I share it with someone I love I will happily add what the other likes. Just to make them happy.
.
We just want to love and live the way we feel the most comfortable. This is why not every Asexual tells people. My own parents don't know. And I never plan to tell them. I see no reason to. I tell people if they pressure me but that is it.
I say it on here because I see no reason I shouldn't and Isay it so other Asexuals don't feel alone.
It isn't like being Gay we don't have a day or a parade. We have only a few sites. Even the LBGT doesn't fully accept us yet.
There is more of us than the world knows just we are a silent group.
We even have a flag and 2 symbols. Yet we are seen as weird. Or not natural.
I am attempting to explain why it is so hard for people to get it.
To summarize: to people who value sex in a relationship the lack of desire from a partner is a sign of a problem. The idea of a relationship where it is normal is a foreign concept.
That is why it is hard for them to figure it out.