I suppose it’s in the same way that having a parent insist you call regularly when out, or who would chaperone or follow you around would be annoying. It may show caring- but it can still be a bother. What’s more- there’s a certain element of autonomy. Why would a “differently abled” person get upset at people constantly asking if they need help, or why would an informed person get upset that people were constantly checking on them? Because it can diminish a person. It can be seen as in essence calling them feeble, or unable to care for themselves or speak their mind. I can assure you, if I am not ok- I will tell you. So imagine you’re trying to go about your business and someone keeps asking if you’re ok? Why wouldn’t you be? If you weren’t, why would you not say anything? It can often be seen as or actually be a sign of neediness or codependency or insecurity masquerading as as caring (as such behaviors often are.)
To be clear I’m not saying that it IS or is ALWAYS selfish. I’m not saying a person should NEVER ask if someone is ok, or that there aren’t legitimate reasons a person might ask more often. I’m saying that in general- to answer why many people get upset- that’s a part of it. Also- some people (mostly women) I know have RBF, and so they are very sensitive to such things because all day people ask them what is wrong, why don’t they smile, are they ok, and so on. So they get annoyed because they are frustrated that they can’t simply exist or have their face as it is naturally without people thinking they are mad or sad or upset.
I once told someone that I was worried about them (personal reason) and they told me not to worry. I told them that's the same as asking me not to love them.
I think psychologists have a name for this behavior, like you're overcompensating for a lack of attention in your past. Also @bethorien, unfortunately some people misinterpret this as a need for attention, like someone pointed out, parents when you leave for college or something... They're asking "are you OK?" when what they're really saying is "talk to me".
@lyonstill- I can understand that. We can’t tell people not to worry, to be scared, to not be sad, so on. We feel as we feel and it isn’t fair of people to think that we can easily just flip a switch and change how we feel. The caveats of course are that we do have some control over our emotions. Thoughts, actions, and emotions exist in a cycle where one influences the other influences the other and so on. The second caveat being that while we can’t control our emotions completely- we can control how we react to them- which feeds back to caveat 1. A simple and occasional expression of concern should hopefully not be met with negative response, but when one habitually does so it can make a person feel as though they are being looked down upon, as though they have given some reason to doubt their ability to function as a human and care for themselves. So hopefully your friend understood where you were coming from and you understood them and you both found a balance that worked.
I am often asking my fiancee if she is ok although in my case it is because she is epileptic so whenever there is a loud noise when she isn't in the room or if she is starring blankly into space or if she hasn't texted me for a while when she goes out i like to check up on her
no one asks me this, i've become so good at convincing others that i walk with my head high, i'm confident, i got everything together, but in the end, when alone, i want to scream and runaway
There is a common illusion, it was sold to each of us and we sell it to each other. The idea of the “normal human.” They do normal things, rarely experience extreme emotions. They effortlessly deal with social situations, have natural self confidence, they have goals and a plan and back up plans and are walking this well defined path. They seem generally happy and carefree without any anxieties or worries or real frustrations. Then someone else comes along and they don’t feel that way. To them- their life isn’t like that. They worry. They struggle. Things that seem so natural to others or seem to just fall in their laps Miss this person. The secret is... almost everyone is faking it. Just about every single person, and most that say they aren’t- those people aren’t lying but most lack the self awareness to realize it, or are faking on a next level where they’ve faked themselves out and to admit otherwise would cause it to all crash around them. A scary idea for most- the fragility...
... of everything. Just how wildly statistics can swing, how little it takes, and how there truly is no immunity. So you aren’t alone. Most everyone has felt this way or similar, or does from time to time. At the core we are all pretty similar as human beings. We like to pretend we aren’t to maintain our illusions- but by and large we are. It’s not that people don’t feel these things or have these thoughts- just that they have decided they have things that they must do and so they must get past those feelings and focus on the task at hand. They aren’t even so much pretending in that regard as pushing through. We all have our limits though. Stay healthy and best of luck.
It's not hard to understand.