If someone cheats on you, their flaws include a lack of both communication and loyalty, which are very important in a relationship. If someone has this attitude, it’s proobably best that you dump their delusional ass.
Cheating is a sign of a true coward, or an unethical thrill-seeker. Some are afraid to break up, some get a certain pleasure from cheating. Whatever the case, there is no proper defense that is permissible. Just break up with someone, there’s no reason to cheat.
Cheating is not an okay thing to do, and no one should tolerate others cheating on them due to the belief they are not good enough not to be cheated on. And that is the heart of the agrugement being made here.
That being said, cheating is not something that happens for no reason, and examining the reasons for infidelity is a good idea whenever it happens. Sometimes working though an instance of cheating can lead to a better relationship with a person you already love. Sometimes it is best to end the relationship and move forward. Either way, knowing why the cheating took place is good for the sake of having healthy productive relationships in the future.
Often there is more than one factor as to why someone cheats, and it can be complicated to evaluate, especially objectively. But it is rarely purely one sided. Again, cheating is not okay and the person doing it should absolutely be held accountable for as much, but that doesn't make the other person innocent of wrongdoing.
I strongly disagree @thekaylapup . Your actions are your own, and unless it's under duress, having sex with someone is always voluntary. One person's actions should never be blamed on another person's actions who has zero input in the situation. The cheater is taking full control of what's happening, therefore they must also take full blame. You may not be aware, but your argument is scary similar to arguments made by all abusers (physically, mentally, emotionally) who still want to make the "relationship" work. And what is cheating but a form of emotional and mental abuse? They often want forgiveness for what they did and promise change, but also blame the victim and that is never, ever what really happened. Foisting the blame is never the way to true change. And ask any child that grew up in an abusive home, an objective observer that will tell you cycles are rarely broken, but promises are. There is NO excuse for ANY type of abuse, and the aggressor alone is to blame.
I agree that the person who did the cheating is 100% responsible for their own actions.
However infidelity =/= abuse. Cheating on someone may go hand and hand with abuse in some instances. And it is very possible that this is more common than I have reason to believe, I am not an expert on the subject, however saying that infidelity is abuse undermines abuse.
Let me be perfectly clear here: Victims of abuse should not stay with their abuser, nor should anyone tolerate abuse.
The fact is, people make bad decisions and people can change.
Moreover even if you find yourself saying "My significant other was unloyal to me sexually and am not willing to forgive this" Which, like, fair. Really fair. There still were reasons for the incident and in a vast majority of circumstances this is not a one sided ordeal. Is the cheater responsible for their actions, 100%. Did the other person make decisions that affected the circumstance in which this action was taken? Yeah, probably.
That does not make it the other person's fault. And playing the blame game is not going to help you move forward anyway.
The fact is, anytime a relationship goes badly two people were involved. And in most cases, both parties did things that were unkind and/or unfair. Should you blame yourself of your significant other cheats on you? No, absolutely not. Their actions, their fault. Should you take a look at what you did poorly and how you can be better in the future? Yes, absolutely.
That being said, cheating is not something that happens for no reason, and examining the reasons for infidelity is a good idea whenever it happens. Sometimes working though an instance of cheating can lead to a better relationship with a person you already love. Sometimes it is best to end the relationship and move forward. Either way, knowing why the cheating took place is good for the sake of having healthy productive relationships in the future.
Often there is more than one factor as to why someone cheats, and it can be complicated to evaluate, especially objectively. But it is rarely purely one sided. Again, cheating is not okay and the person doing it should absolutely be held accountable for as much, but that doesn't make the other person innocent of wrongdoing.
However infidelity =/= abuse. Cheating on someone may go hand and hand with abuse in some instances. And it is very possible that this is more common than I have reason to believe, I am not an expert on the subject, however saying that infidelity is abuse undermines abuse.
Let me be perfectly clear here: Victims of abuse should not stay with their abuser, nor should anyone tolerate abuse.
The fact is, people make bad decisions and people can change.
Moreover even if you find yourself saying "My significant other was unloyal to me sexually and am not willing to forgive this" Which, like, fair. Really fair. There still were reasons for the incident and in a vast majority of circumstances this is not a one sided ordeal. Is the cheater responsible for their actions, 100%. Did the other person make decisions that affected the circumstance in which this action was taken? Yeah, probably.
The fact is, anytime a relationship goes badly two people were involved. And in most cases, both parties did things that were unkind and/or unfair. Should you blame yourself of your significant other cheats on you? No, absolutely not. Their actions, their fault. Should you take a look at what you did poorly and how you can be better in the future? Yes, absolutely.