That's not an easy situation. I think once a child is old enough they have the right to search out their biological parents, I don't think you can understand it if you're not adopted (I'm not, so I can't understand it) but their is a strong bond between blood for some kids. Especially if the biological parent wants to stay in contact, it's probably best in the long run to let them do so for the child's sake as well.
The thing is, having your parent bounce in and out of your life is often worse than them being gone entirely, especially if you have a healthy family with your adoptive parents. So I understand the desire to keep your child's birth parents from being involved, especially when the child is young. Especially if the situation surrounding them being given up is a complicated one.
There is a big difference between an open adoption of a child of a 14 year old, who wants to keep seeing their child and being part of their life, but just isn't in a place to raise a child, and the adoption of a child of a drug addict, who can't be there consistently for their child. And maybe the parent wants to be, and maybe they are even working to improve themselves. But at some point it's not about if the parent is deserving of seeing the child, but what is best for the child.
In any case it's not a simple answer, and probably needs case by case assessment.
I agree @thekaylapup, it's really whatever the individual situation calls for.
Damn, sorry to hear that @novelus, I hope one day you get answers. What was the motivation behind seeking them out? If you don't mind me asking
Makes sense, well keep us updated if you find any leads (if you're okay with that). Could you try a DNA test or an ancestry thing? I'm not sure how accurate that is or what information it will provide but it might help.
Yeah, a DNA test could at least give you some info regarding hereditary health conditions. You know, on the off chance that your biological parents have taken one of those ancestry tests, if they left it open for other people to match with them, you might be able to find them that way? It's a slim chance but I think they can do that
Biological mother has been dead since around 1990, so I doubt she took one. Nobody knows who bio dad is. So that route may not work except for the medical possibilities. I'll keep y'all updated if/when I ever find anything out.
Yes they should stay in contact if they want to but she/he still cannot take him back. The new parents do not have the right to cut them off from each other that’s just straight up cruel
Adoptive parent here: if his parents don't want him to stay in contact with you, respect their wishes. If he comes after you when he turns 18, that would be a different matter, but until then, lay low.
That's generally the reason why children are given up for adoption: the birth parents can't take care of the child.
The problem is that having the birth parent hanging around can be distraction and can interfere with the relationship between the child and his adoptive parents. While it may seem unfair to the birth parents to deny them contact, to allow it it would be even more unfair to the adoptive parents and most of all, the child, who needs a stable home to grow up in.
@mostlyghostly06 The fairness side of things leans towards the adoptive parents. They're taking on all of the burden of raising a child. If you can't afford to buy a car and someone else does, you don't show up at their house asking to drive it all the time
That is correct, they may not have, though nowadays, views on adoption being different than in previous generations, adoptive kids generally grow up knowing they are adopted. Ours does.
I'm not saying it is or isn't uncommon, just that the adoptive parents have the final word. If your child wasn't taken by the state or something, you have to accept the consequences of relinquishing your rights as a parent.
But if your adoptive parents denied you the contact with your real parents wouldn’t that negatively affect your relationship? The child could then be angry at the adoptive parents.
That's IF the child wants the contact, which in the case of the post is not the situation. This is a mother who gave her child up and now is looking to interfere with the current parental situation. She specifically said she wants the child back. This entire exercise is based off the actual phrasing of the post. The parents haven't stated anything regarding contact, but she's not getting the kid back
As an aside, the adoptive parents are the "real" parents. The biological parents are considered "birth" parents.
But to answer your question, not necessarily. I have never known an adoptive parent who would deny an adult adopted child contact with the birth parents, and if they deny the child contact while they are an older minor, there is typically a good reason. (And if they are a younger minor, say 12 and under, they typically trust their parents to make that decision.)
Oh I thought they were saying that the birth parent shouldn’t see her child in general I took it that she wanted the child back because she was scared of losing them forever
There is a big difference between an open adoption of a child of a 14 year old, who wants to keep seeing their child and being part of their life, but just isn't in a place to raise a child, and the adoption of a child of a drug addict, who can't be there consistently for their child. And maybe the parent wants to be, and maybe they are even working to improve themselves. But at some point it's not about if the parent is deserving of seeing the child, but what is best for the child.
In any case it's not a simple answer, and probably needs case by case assessment.
Damn, sorry to hear that @novelus, I hope one day you get answers. What was the motivation behind seeking them out? If you don't mind me asking
The problem is that having the birth parent hanging around can be distraction and can interfere with the relationship between the child and his adoptive parents. While it may seem unfair to the birth parents to deny them contact, to allow it it would be even more unfair to the adoptive parents and most of all, the child, who needs a stable home to grow up in.
But to answer your question, not necessarily. I have never known an adoptive parent who would deny an adult adopted child contact with the birth parents, and if they deny the child contact while they are an older minor, there is typically a good reason. (And if they are a younger minor, say 12 and under, they typically trust their parents to make that decision.)