It actually makes sense: if you feel beyond shit to the point of being monotone and emotionless, you don't want to do ANYTHING.
.
Even though you really want to, you don't even have the energy to commit suicide. You just wait for it to happen to you, a sweet relief for you and everyone around you - that you don't bother them anymore, that you stop being such a worthless, oxygen thieving burden.
.
But then you get your antidepressants. Finally you start to feel a bit better, with more energy...
But... Not that much better. Just a little better.
(you might actually need a medication adjustment).
.
You start to feel a bit worse again. Not that bad as it used to be, but still shit enough that the thoughts of suicide start slowly re-entering your thoughts, followed by tendrils of "how?" "when?" "should i leave a note?" "will people even notice?"
.
But this time, you aren't as energyless as before. You can actually actively do something about it.
.
So you try.
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.
Even though you really want to, you don't even have the energy to commit suicide. You just wait for it to happen to you, a sweet relief for you and everyone around you - that you don't bother them anymore, that you stop being such a worthless, oxygen thieving burden.
.
But then you get your antidepressants. Finally you start to feel a bit better, with more energy...
But... Not that much better. Just a little better.
(you might actually need a medication adjustment).
.
You start to feel a bit worse again. Not that bad as it used to be, but still shit enough that the thoughts of suicide start slowly re-entering your thoughts, followed by tendrils of "how?" "when?" "should i leave a note?" "will people even notice?"
.
But this time, you aren't as energyless as before. You can actually actively do something about it.
.
So you try.