I read this one confession on Reddit about how a guy's ex girlfriend raped him at knife point when he tried to break up with her cause she was cheating on him and how he escaped from her apartment. When he told this to the police and his friends, they laughed at him...
Can you imagine that? Shit's fucked up.
It's not uncommon from what research I've done into it. ESPECIALLY if their assailant is female. Where women get painted as "sluts" and dressing inappropriately, men get shamed for being "weak."
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They get laughed at, they get dismissed. Some of them even get outright attacked for trying to "distract" from "REAL victims" - aka women.
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Just as society seems to expect women to be incredibly restrictive and modest in their sexual desires, it seems to expect men to want sex, at all times, no matter the circumstance.
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I've had guys talk to me about feeling funny at parties, blacking out, and waking up naked with some girl. If this happened to a female there would be alarm bells ringing. But they just brush it off, even when it becomes clear they were less than comfortable with the situation
There are men who get asked "why didn't you just fight back?" And more than a few of them say they didn't want to hurt their attacker. And they'd been conditioned never to lash out physically at women in general.
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And people respond to this with a LOT of ridicule, while seemingly forgetting that one of the number one things many self defence classes have to teach women is how to say no, and how to be WILLING to use physical force. And that's not an exaggeration. They will set up exercises to put women in everyday situations where they practice saying no. And teach them to be prepared to initiate physical contact - even at the detriment of their attacker. Because a lot of women don't want to do this.
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But for some reason when a man expresses any similar reservations it's met with blame directed at them. And while I may never fully understand not using minimal physical force to overpower someone weaker than you in self defence, I can't blame them for it either. Especially when many of these women would be quite willing to turn ANY bruising or such as proof of the guy being abusive against HER. Not to mention there's a shock factor that many victims of assault experience. Fight, flight, or Freeze.
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All that said, if you say "no," during an encounter, NO ONE should be REQUIRED to fight off their assaulter to prove they didn't want to be assaulted. It certainly helps, and it definitely can come into play if it becomes a legal matter. But lack of physical force does not necessarily equate to consent.
I've also read multiple accounts of male rape victims being raped and their female assailant either BRAGGING about it, or, even worse, their friends WITNESSING it. And then laughing about it. Making jokes about how they should be happy they got laid.
.
There's an odd sort of horror to that. Someone drugged you. Took off your clothes. Used your body. Made you touch them. You can't remember most of it. You didn't ask for any of it. No one around you did anything about it.
.
"Doesn't matter - had sex."
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Meanwhile men raped by men are often "emasculated." They end up crippled by shame or worried of being perceived as weak - because physical weakness is considered far less forgivable in men than in women.
I believe one of the founders of Second Cup tells his story of how he was raped when he was younger. He mentions confessing what happened to his father. His father's response was to walk out of the room, and leave him to deal with it alone.
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This, iirc, is part of what inspired him to eventually name the company "second cup."
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I'm not meaning to go on a ramble like I have. But the fact remains, while females probably get raped more often, males have NO support when they are raped. Suck it up and move on with your life is what they're told to do almost everytime. If they talk about it at all.
.
It seems incredibly sad in a culture that claims to be breaking down barriers, stopping rape culture, and all about helping the victims... that so many of those victims are left behind. Or outright silenced. Not because of what they wore, or their sexual history, or how much they had to drink. Simply because they made the mistake of being raped while being in possession of a penis.
The bitch is a psychopath. It’s about results, not the means to get them. She doesn’t love him. She loves how she manipulated him to respond to her in the way in which she envisioned.
You don't rape the person you love that's now how love works.
Can you imagine that? Shit's fucked up.
.
They get laughed at, they get dismissed. Some of them even get outright attacked for trying to "distract" from "REAL victims" - aka women.
.
Just as society seems to expect women to be incredibly restrictive and modest in their sexual desires, it seems to expect men to want sex, at all times, no matter the circumstance.
.
I've had guys talk to me about feeling funny at parties, blacking out, and waking up naked with some girl. If this happened to a female there would be alarm bells ringing. But they just brush it off, even when it becomes clear they were less than comfortable with the situation
.
And people respond to this with a LOT of ridicule, while seemingly forgetting that one of the number one things many self defence classes have to teach women is how to say no, and how to be WILLING to use physical force. And that's not an exaggeration. They will set up exercises to put women in everyday situations where they practice saying no. And teach them to be prepared to initiate physical contact - even at the detriment of their attacker. Because a lot of women don't want to do this.
.
.
All that said, if you say "no," during an encounter, NO ONE should be REQUIRED to fight off their assaulter to prove they didn't want to be assaulted. It certainly helps, and it definitely can come into play if it becomes a legal matter. But lack of physical force does not necessarily equate to consent.
.
There's an odd sort of horror to that. Someone drugged you. Took off your clothes. Used your body. Made you touch them. You can't remember most of it. You didn't ask for any of it. No one around you did anything about it.
.
"Doesn't matter - had sex."
.
Meanwhile men raped by men are often "emasculated." They end up crippled by shame or worried of being perceived as weak - because physical weakness is considered far less forgivable in men than in women.
.
This, iirc, is part of what inspired him to eventually name the company "second cup."
.
I'm not meaning to go on a ramble like I have. But the fact remains, while females probably get raped more often, males have NO support when they are raped. Suck it up and move on with your life is what they're told to do almost everytime. If they talk about it at all.
.
It seems incredibly sad in a culture that claims to be breaking down barriers, stopping rape culture, and all about helping the victims... that so many of those victims are left behind. Or outright silenced. Not because of what they wore, or their sexual history, or how much they had to drink. Simply because they made the mistake of being raped while being in possession of a penis.