I think the problem is that people misuse words. There is a difference between a person being racist or a bigot, and a person having a bias or their actions/words being racist or bias or bigoted. People confuse and conflate terminology and then others look and say: “that isn’t racist...” and start ignoring the speaker as a “chicken little,” as well as anyone else who uses the words appropriately just because the expectation is that the word won’t be used properly.
People will often use “racist” to describe any prejudice- even those that aren’t against a “race” but against a culture, geographic group etc. What’s more- there IS a great deal of racial bias and prejudice and calling it out is an important step in eliminating it- BUT, all too often the term “racist” or whatever proper term applies, is used as a stand alone. There isn’t anything teachable in it when it is used as an insult or to silence a person.
Calling out someone for racism is much like calling a person out for bad manners- if I simply say: “You’re rude!” What can you do with that? If you are genuinely ignorant- you won’t realize what I am saying is rude. That’s why we tell children “it is rude to sneeze like that. Cover your mouth when you sneeze.”
To say “you’re rude” is adversarial to start. But it also doesn’t communicate to the ignorant what they have done wrong or how to fix it. Telling someone they are racist for a comment they make doesn’t tell them what about it was racist or how to avoid it. Even more so they can get confused and frustrated.
Most racism is simply ignorance. The remainder and minority tends to be selfishness/lack of empathy, and finally genuine malice. But racism usually traces to ignorance, fear, and insecurity. When we tell an ignorant person that their comment is racist- but they are say- paraphrasing something a beloved comedian said- they don’t understand why that person can say it in context and not them.
They get confused, and feel attacked. They don’t want to be called names. Few people embrace being known as a racist or accused of it. So they aren’t likely to examine the behavior. Ego would push them to assume they are right, and you must be wrong. Insecurity pushes that regardless they have found something that you react to- and as such now have power over you, and when the insecure feel powerful they tend to embrace whatever source they feel that power is granted by.
So in a vacuum, telling a person they are “racist” is about as useful as a dance teacher saying: “You need to dance better!” Ok. But... if this person knew how to dance better... they wouldn’t need told to dance better. Of course- matters like the perception of racism tend to be subjective as well. The “n word” is a work which many black people do not feel should be used by anyone, including their own race.
Others see it as a way to “take back” a word used for hate. Somewhat like many women embrace terms like “slut” as a way to show defiance to a label that society gave them to be ashamed of- but they wear proudly to take its power. Those are examples of subjectivity. While many people have black friends who give them “an n word pass” etc- the fact that one person knows you and isn’t offended by your use of that word doesn’t make it a good idea to shout it on national tv or in the deep of a primarily “black” bar.
So the absolute “you are racist” fails here too and is usually better phrased as “I feel this/that/etc. is <racist, racially biased, etc.> Which is a discussion point and not an absolute- that leaves room for people to elaborate and communicate their views.
Ultimately- there are people who say the word “tranny” is a derogatory term, and those who don’t. When dealing with people we do not know how they feel- or we know they find offense- it’s our choice to be respectful or not. Just as most people will avoid using foul language around large groups of people they don’t know- out of respect, out of the fact that you do not know all those people well enough to know how they’ll feel about the use of the words.
In 2019 much of what we do is with an audience. Forum members, guests, possibly those on other sites where things are lifted from here and posted there can see anything we write here. A conversation between two individuals that occurs on this board isn’t just between two individuals. YouTube, Facebook, Instagram, blah blah- and it doesn’t have to be you posting or even a member of those things. Others are watching, filming, screenshooting.
So the whole world is potentially watching us whenever we are online or in media. Knowing that the world is full of many types of people with many views etc- it’s up to us to decide wether we want to conduct ourselves as if our parents or grandparents or significant others family, bosses, children, the children of others could be seeing what we put out there- and have only that sliver on which to form an opinion.
At least for me, anyway