Funny enough this ties into a discussion I was having in another post. The sort of criteria to determine that relies heavily on the aliens relative ability to apply force. If a group is stronger than us we will tend to feel fear and or respect towards it. The degree of each depends much on wether and how much that thing benefits us. The boss which pays your checks and gives you fair assignments tends to be respected. The boss who seeks hostile or disinterested; who meddles and who’s presence usually means bad news tends to be feared.
The equal- the colleague who helps you and works with you tends to be respected. The colleague that takes any chance to undermine you, who criticizes you- they are usually feared more. The majority of people don’t tend to respect those who are lesser than and no threat to or little help to. Beyond perhaps a casual and basic respect as a social formality. You may be respectful towards the barista or your assistant or whomever- but do you truly consider them your equal? Would you say that you both deserve equal pay? Be happy for your child to take that job as a career? Perhaps not thrilled. Because regardless of wether you respect them you know that society doesn’t hold a high respect- and thusly doesn’t offer the benefits of that valuation- for those people.
So wether we could get along with aliens would depend on many factors- but two major ones are: how “strong” are they? How willing or able are they to better your life? The final outlying factor is of course- how alike or compatible are they and their culture etc. to ours? Narcissism. That being which has true self respect- will tend to respect others like itself.
That one is simple. If you feel you are worthy of respect- truly, and you encounter that which reminds you of yourself- you’ll respect it too, because not respecting a mirror of yourself means not truly respecting yourself. We might hate dealing with people like ourselves- the ace lawyer might not get along with the other ace lawyer- but if they respect themselves they will respect the other. If they lose they will dislike losing but respect the skill of the other in defeating them.
Look at plants. We do not respect the intelligence or really- the life of plants because they are so unlike us we generally can’t feel empathy towards them. Those plants we respect tend to be the ones that enhance our lives. The beautiful lawn or flower garden brings you aesthetic joy. It is cared for and protected. The trail brush is trampled because it might as well be beyond your notice. The weed is killed- because it doesn’t do anything for us and we find it disruptive or dangerous to that which we love.
TLDR: Our dealings with aliens will depend on how much we fear and respect them.