What the hell

But these are uncomfortable lines aren’t they? If a biological male dresses as or transitions to a female while keeping their penis- “heterosexual” males often find them attractive- in a scenario where a “straight” man doesn’t know a woman has a penis- he might consider her attractive- even in cases men have had sex with women with penises and found out AFTER- and then suddenly they no longer find that person attractive. It’s a bit odd that a contextual detail that didn’t matter a moment before would then matter to that person-

And it makes me wonder if the issue isn’t often that people simply don’t like that THEY find the person attractive. As a practical matter- it makes sense. Many teens and sometimes even younger can “pass” as older than they are- many people have the opposite problem- adults who people think look quite young. Arianna Grande is a notable celeb many have said over the years looked like she was under age or a young teen. Having clear rules and ways to label- like style of dress- who is an adult, who is a “man” or “woman” biologically- it helps us to easily tell who it is we can “safely” lust after and who is “off limits.” In the case of kids this is pretty important because children are at risk for abuse and exploitation and cannot make their own informed consent in sexual matters. So perhaps that’s one of the major objections to dressing kids as “adults,” that to phrase it simply- no one wants to play the game of “is this person in eye fucking a legal adult.”

But it gets weirder. The main character in this film is 11. At 11, especially in 2020- many kids are engaging in or exploring sex, or at least aware of sexuality. We’ve put it everywhere. They see it in movies and TV, books, games, advertisements, politics and news. The film “kids” was quite controversial (for many other reasons too) but in this regard. But is the problem then that this isn’t a documentary? That it’s a work of fiction created by an adult mind for adults to watch?

The artistic value I see in this film existing (I’m not going to watch it so I can’t say wether it actually delivers any value) is that it does raise many of these questions. Child beauty pageants and sex in society and the disparity between a society that is appalled by a film that shows subjects matter and instances that go on in homes across the country.

I mean- look at many of the popular dances in music and you’ll see that in general- but especially for women and girls- dancing itself has become far more sexual. I mean- the film Foot Loose and a generation of sentiment goes to the idea that these stuffy repressive old people want to stop kids from expressing themselves and force them to do the plain old dancing of the day- while our heroes engage in what the adults call explicit and obscene dancing that they equate to sex. If you haven’t seen footloose watch a clip or two- or the film. Tell me the “indecent” dancing of that film doesn’t look down right puritanical compared to modern popular dances you’ll find across genres of popular music today.

My friend, I applaud you for your time and consideration for your research on this but- Let us just call it for what it really is. What the ever living fuck is wrong with them.

So if you’re a kid and you want to emulate what you see, you want to dance and become a good dancer- you’re looking at music videos and social media and your parents and their friends- and what are you seeing? Go on YouTube and you’ll find no shortage of twerking and other such dances being done by young people- most girls and young women. And then we get to feminism. The recently released “WAP” and songs like it have stirred controversy as well as outpouring support for women to be able to express themselves as they choose and as men have for decades and decades. But at the same time- little girls aren’t women but they are female. The foundations for Feminism and empowerment start in childhood. So then- when these young kids see women being praised for these things and people saying that it’s their right as women to express themselves that way...

Obviously kids aren’t adults. We aren’t saying “you can’t do this because you’re female” to children. We are telling them “because you’re a kid.” But.... to a kid- what’s the difference when someone tells you that you can’t do it? We all were kids. Some here are much closer than others or at at an age where many still consider them such. When someone tells you that you aren’t “adult enough” for something- what do you think about that? What do you do? Most of us- we try to prove we are adult, or we do it to defy them, or we try to act more adult to be considered an adult no? And what about when you aren’t around and your kid has a mirror and any device with a screen? You can’t stop them from practicing their favorite dance moves of their Scottie artists can you?

Living rooms and bed rooms across America and the world are packed with kids twerking or doing other sexualized dance moves. Often times with parents well aware, possibly filming, laughing, coaching, even encouraging. I’m not condemning modern dance or music. I like “WAP” and I consider it a move for female empowerment and support the song and video. I’m not discouraging feminism. I’m saying there are ALOT of uncomfortable questions and while we are all trying to fight our struggles and live our best lives we are also creating a world that kids are growing up in and kids are watching and kids usually lack the nuanced understanding to get why it’s ok or admirable for YOU to do something and forbidden to them. That kids emulate us as best they understand.

To clothes- that is uncomfortable too. You’ll find plenty of crop tops and spaghetti straps and short skirts and so on in kids clothing. And well- kids are generally born without shame about their bodies until we give it to them. Until we show and tell them what is shameful and what should be concealed and so on. Most very young kids are happy- often happier- to run about naked, and to them sex isn’t a thing. And there too is a line- if we want to set kids up to feel they have the freedom to choose how they dress, to not be ashamed of their bodies, that they can wear clothing that traditional values would say they can’t- because that is their choice-

If we want to teach kids that “shaming” and “judging” are wrong and that the woman with the plunging neck line or the woman with the skirt that doesn’t end below her knee or the woman who isn’t covered head to toe in fabric with just eye holes, isn’t a “slut” or isn’t immoral and so on- then is that something we start teaching when they turn 18?

There’s nuance of course. We can do things in “stages” and give more freedom as kids age and so forth- but there are some conflicts between an idea of a society where women and men are in control of their bodies, that you have the right to wear what you like and not be “slut shamed” and not be cat called or groped or sexualized for it- and then telling kids not to do things because they may be stigmatized and shamed and groped and sexualized. There’s an obligation to protect children- but there’s also a disconnect there. There’s a disconnect in what we are on with actually happening and what we are ok with being shown in fiction and the media. I myself am guilty.

I may not approve at seeing a child in public dressing and acting a certain “adult” way, I may be disapproving on some level of the parent who allows it. But I’d also be furious if a girl were told she needed to leave a place or go home from school- couldn’t go out in public- because she were dressed a way that was deemed inappropriate for wearing something that broke no laws, that perhaps even a teacher might wear. Yet many are asking Netflix to take this film down because it shows young girls dressed a certain way that is not in any way illegal. And honestly- I would rather this not be on netflix. On premise of execution- I’d rather it didn’t exist.

Obviously a major point to the movie specifically is that it was made by an adult as a work of fiction. These aren’t little girls choosing to dress a certain way so much as they are little girls being dressed that way. These aren’t kids exploring their sexuality, these are kids acting out a script of an adult mind about children exploring sexuality. But it’s a bit of a catch 22 as it could quite literally be illegal to do a real and candid documentary on the subject- not to mention the facts finding your subjects would be difficult or raise serious questions in how you knew where to look and find a good story, and that simply filming people can often influence their behavior and make them do things they wouldn’t normally do as they try to impress. So I can’t say an actual documentary would be less problematic- all I can say is that the fact it’s the fiction of an adult factors in.

When it comes to pulling this or effectively censoring works like this- we reach another sticky wicket about free speech. If no laws are being broken- what is being done wrong in telling a story? And here’s the kicker- there are probably both adults and children who can connect, relate to a film like this from their own experiences. That such a film could be quite personal and powerful for them seeing someone else going through a journey like that and knowing they aren’t alone. Which begs the question of wether we are saying that such hour use shouldn’t happen- shouldn’t be supported, should be made invalid and called mistakes instead of a person experiences. It is a rabbit hole.

All said- I am off out by this film and especially it being distributed in wide release as opposed to being at most a sort of art piece viewed by thinkers and such. That itself raises questions about the validity of Netflix as a showcase for art vs as a source of entertainment, about society and “classism” where some people just can’t handle some things or be trusted to- and how do we decide or should we decide to limit the flow of information based on demographic and what we expect a group to be able to deal with responsibly? But that’s another bag of worms. My over arching point is that there are a lot of questions to explore here and it would be a shame for anyone to not do so.

Tl:dr- this raises complex and numerous questions about society, media, freedoms and especially us as adults. It raises important questions about what if anything we should do when people use a freedom in a way that isn’t illegal, but we don’t approve. Is this film showing anything that kids across the country and world don’t already do in real life? Probably not. But our outrage at the existence of such a film should hold a mirror to us as a society and make us question ourselves. That disparity between what goes on in real life and we are at least tacitly complicit in; and that which outrages us when shown in media- is a space we need to reconcile. I won’t be watching this, and I question of Netflix is the right venue for this work- but that’s a whole ‘nuther can of worms.

@honeybumblebee- lol. Sentiment met and matched. That is an important question here too. What exactly the f^*k is their damage? Lol. But we can dig deeper and ultimately ask what the f^*k is wrong with all of us. I mean- still probably doing better than these guys making this stuff- but there’s room to explore there.

But just to be clear- I’m speaking specifically on the aspects of the film concerning specialization of children. That is an aspect of the film but from what I understand- the core story is about a young Senegalese girl and how she is discovering herself while trying to fit in and find friends in this other country, and how that puts her at odds with her mother and traditions and culture and such. And there is power and truth there. There are a lot of people who face those sorts of dilemmas as they try to navigate a modern world and globalization while also trying to hold on to family and their own cultures- made even more complicated for the young who are also figure out the world and themselves. But the angles taken in marketing on Netflix... just... a lot about it... I can’t get behind even if I can get behind aspects of it and the artistic expression in concept.

Also it’s French- to partially answer our what the f$&k questions. The French have a very different relationship with kids and sexuality than some other western nations... America certainly. And art. Like the old saying sums up perfectly: One countries sex criminal director is another countries Hero artist who has some “eccentricities”