Do you provide a pillow?

The disturbing part is, I didn't have any children at all when I went down that path to begin with

Those look like they might be Macrolepiota procera aka parasol mushrooms / stolt fjällskivlingar. They are delicious fried, but usually I dry them and then crumble them into my dishes for an umami kick.

The Faerie Ring reference I get but you may not get a nap out of it. Instead you may just be walking along and suddenly it's a couple hundred years later. You just travel into Faerie and out but while you were in Faerie time moved ridiculously slow compared to Earths. Of course that's one of the "nice" outcomes so you can count yourself lucky.

MF! I hope these arent the MF Hawaiian Orgasm mushrooms! Ill never get her to leave!

MF! I hope these arent the MF Hawaiian Orgasm mushrooms! Ill never get her to leave!