1. Bad mouthing an ex is seldom if ever acceptable and in my eyes reflects very poorly on the person doing the badmouthing. This is a person you at one time chose to be involved with. Bad mouthing them to me shows a lack of respect or a superficial respect indicating you may not be ready for healthy adult relationships.
2. “Crazy” is most often either an insulting way to refer to an actual mental condition or a word used by someone who doesn’t grasp trauma or never took the time to consider the other persons feelings. While there are some people who are legitimately far out of social norms or appropriate behavior- calling an ex “crazy” in most cases speaks about the one saying it and implicates your own behavior as perhaps a factor in their supposed “craziness.”
3. Behaviors like trust issues, “unreasonable” demands, attachment disorders, codependency, and other things often called “crazy” are usually signs of trauma in past relationships. “Traumatized” and “crazy” are not the same
So you didn’t work out- that’s fine. It happens.
Maybe they were possessive, controlling, didn’t respect your personal space, had links you found odd, were difficult for you to get along with, were stubborn, were ignorant of certain things or held certain strong beliefs etc. maybe they were very volatile, maybe they burned your clothes or behaved in socially unacceptable ways from your perspective. It isn’t your responsibility to get to the root of their issues or try to fix them, you have the choice to stick through the growth of another person or leave and need to make a choice that is right for you. That’s ok. There are much better and more thoughtful ways to communicate that than “they are crazy.” If you repeatedly find yourself in relationships with “crazy people” at the very least self evaluation is on order- you may clearly have a “type” that isn’t working for you- but the fact you think of them in terms of “crazy” is something to probably work on- the place that is…
… coming from isn’t a healthy place for you most likely. That said- you may also want to evaluate what you consider unreasonable etc. don’t compromise your mental health or anything- but why do you feel they were unreasonable or pushy or whatever? Is your expectation unreasonable or are they? If it’s the former you may need to work on you. If it is the latter you may need to start paying attention to better spot the flags for compatibility or work on getting to know people a little better before entering a relationship.
Of course sometimes we don’t do anything wrong and someone just isn’t right for us or perhaps have so much personal work they need that they probably aren’t right for anyone. You COULD just be unlucky enough to get a streak of such people despite all prudence against it. Maybe. But I mean- either way… maybe be more respectful than calling them crazy. Maybe be honest about who they are from your perspective and let other people decide an opinion on their behavior.
One of my friends had a very poor choice in women in his younger years. Saying the majority of his Exs were crazy would be generally correct. Things that have happened because of his poor ability to pre-discern the crazy include: getting hit in the head with a bat, attempting to become pregnant during sex by breaking the condom so he could be hers forever, stalking him online after they broke up potentially still to this day because we can't actually know if she stopped or just wised up her tactics. Each of these being from a different of his exes from his youth. Nowadays he's SEEMS more careful. Im guessing having a head injury that could have been fatal if he had been unlucky was the hint he needed to be more careful with who he let's his initial feelings guide him towards.
Side note: thinking about it getting hit in the head by a baseball bat seems to be a lot more common than it should be. I realized after posting this comment that i have not 1, not 2, but 3 friends from different regions of the world that have been hit in the head by some equivalent to a baseball bat by either a girlfriend or an ex.
Lol. Yeah, baseball bat or similar stories seem to be far more common than one would hope- or at least in my own experience and my social circle and yours. I’m certainly not judging your friend- which sounds a bit contradictory since I said such terms tend to reflect poorly in my eyes on the speaker- but it can be better said that reflection is part of what I might form an opinion on a person by, not to say that act alone is worthy of deciding an opinion on an entire person. Many factors small and large are needed to asses a persons character- and that assessment is of course only one persons opinion. The fact they are your friend reflects highly on them, and I don’t know them- so to me they would still be a cut above neutral in my book. That said:
I still personally wouldn’t endorse “crazy.” The “man trap” method is dishonest perhaps, manipulative, needy or clingy. It may be a sign or symptom of a mental condition or personality disorder. Violence is of course not generally appropriate in domestic affairs but it is a natural and (as discussed) surprisingly common human instinct in certain situations. That’s not to condone it, but to say that it is not exactly “crazy” or at least there are perhaps better words than “crazy” to use there.
I do put a couple asterisks here:
1. Sometimes, especially in a moment- we “short hand” things. We say something or someone is “crazy” because we just don’t have a better word for it available at that moment and/or we are overwhelmed or overstimulated- it’s common when someone behaves very unexpectedly or in a way that is somewhat difficult to articulate- or that we still haven’t processed- as “crazy.” “That Oscar slap was crazy..” “the situation is Ukraine is crazy” “what the hell just happened? That was crazy…”
Etc. So I’m that sense I can’t fault a person in the moment.
The first thing we say is often instinct, it’s what we say after that when we’ve had an opportunity to process that is a bit more telling about who we want to be vs. who we are in a moment.
2. The inherent problem with saying an ex is “crazy” beyond the self reflective nature of words is external. That is to say that there are people in the world who would seriously say things like:
“They’re crazy” because their partner got upset they slept with someone else on vacation and they saw that as possessive or unreasonable; or that someone is too crazy because they wore a yellow tie. So there are these polar extremes of “crazy” that are subjective, and definitions in between. I once had a woman stop dating me because we were on a date and a man was assaulting an other woman- literally hurting her with a joint lock- and I restrained him. Another girl refused to date a friend because he had a car with only 2 seats which to her signaled he was too wild and probably- crazy.
So while it may arguably be apt- saying “they’re crazy…” can sort of diminish the impact of the statement.
So I mean- telling me an ex tried to trick a person into impregnating them- while there can arguably be some context there or another side etc- that alone is enough to reflect negatively on the ex without needing to lower oneself or prime the story. In fairness too- between friends and close relations who know each other, such short hand or narrative story telling is informal and the parties involved know each other well enough to understand if the person is coming from a negative place or just expressing themselves a certain way vs. stating something like that to strangers or in open company. But I mean- few rules are absolute and even this long reply can’t fully articulate every situation or consideration. I speak merely in general terms- and in context to posting such things on the internet where strangers will certainly see it and not just a small audience of your inner circle.
2. “Crazy” is most often either an insulting way to refer to an actual mental condition or a word used by someone who doesn’t grasp trauma or never took the time to consider the other persons feelings. While there are some people who are legitimately far out of social norms or appropriate behavior- calling an ex “crazy” in most cases speaks about the one saying it and implicates your own behavior as perhaps a factor in their supposed “craziness.”
3. Behaviors like trust issues, “unreasonable” demands, attachment disorders, codependency, and other things often called “crazy” are usually signs of trauma in past relationships. “Traumatized” and “crazy” are not the same
Maybe they were possessive, controlling, didn’t respect your personal space, had links you found odd, were difficult for you to get along with, were stubborn, were ignorant of certain things or held certain strong beliefs etc. maybe they were very volatile, maybe they burned your clothes or behaved in socially unacceptable ways from your perspective. It isn’t your responsibility to get to the root of their issues or try to fix them, you have the choice to stick through the growth of another person or leave and need to make a choice that is right for you. That’s ok. There are much better and more thoughtful ways to communicate that than “they are crazy.” If you repeatedly find yourself in relationships with “crazy people” at the very least self evaluation is on order- you may clearly have a “type” that isn’t working for you- but the fact you think of them in terms of “crazy” is something to probably work on- the place that is…
Of course sometimes we don’t do anything wrong and someone just isn’t right for us or perhaps have so much personal work they need that they probably aren’t right for anyone. You COULD just be unlucky enough to get a streak of such people despite all prudence against it. Maybe. But I mean- either way… maybe be more respectful than calling them crazy. Maybe be honest about who they are from your perspective and let other people decide an opinion on their behavior.
1. Sometimes, especially in a moment- we “short hand” things. We say something or someone is “crazy” because we just don’t have a better word for it available at that moment and/or we are overwhelmed or overstimulated- it’s common when someone behaves very unexpectedly or in a way that is somewhat difficult to articulate- or that we still haven’t processed- as “crazy.” “That Oscar slap was crazy..” “the situation is Ukraine is crazy” “what the hell just happened? That was crazy…”
Etc. So I’m that sense I can’t fault a person in the moment.
The first thing we say is often instinct, it’s what we say after that when we’ve had an opportunity to process that is a bit more telling about who we want to be vs. who we are in a moment.
2. The inherent problem with saying an ex is “crazy” beyond the self reflective nature of words is external. That is to say that there are people in the world who would seriously say things like:
So while it may arguably be apt- saying “they’re crazy…” can sort of diminish the impact of the statement.