I do find the reply humorous, even if that requires ignoring the fact that sexual promiscuity doesn’t have to occur with the “opposite” gender. That said, the label of “slut” primarily comes from two places:
1. Men who are threatened or feel undermined by female sexual agency.
2. Women who are likewise feeling to the above men.
In the case of men, who historically are most vocal and pressing with the label of “slut,” the concept of a woman sleeping around takes away from male power fantasy. The idea of the “virgin” as a “prize” being one example. A woman with sexual experience can intimidate many men who often feel insecurity at the thought of comparison to other lovers in areas like penis size or in the pleasurability, technique, creative etc. of their love making. The more experiences your partner has had, the more chances they’ve had to discover what they like, try new things, and possibly find a better sexual partner whom you can’t live up to. This is one classic example..
.. of where men historically have felt insecure and tried to create social bias towards inexperienced partners.
Another place it tends to hurt the male ego is in the concept that a man is “special.” This shows you the sad mind of some people, who if they valued their partner as a human would feel as special to be the 100th partner as they one and only. It can also be the same idea but in the form of a male seeking “conquest.” That is to say- many have an idea that they must “earn” the sexual favor of a woman, that she is a “puzzle” or otherwise zealously guarding sex with herself and that a “special woman” is one whom would turn down all other guys and only see this one guy as worthy. Wether from low self esteem and low respect for their partner as a person or from ego, the basic truth there is that it is about male validation. Feeling “worthy” above others….
… “succeeding” where no other person could before. Of course culturally many cultures also take a pragmatic approach based in reproduction- wanting to ensure yours are the only offspring a partner could have and that your partner has no other offspring to take attention from you and/or your own offspring. This isn’t necessarily instinctual on humans however because many societies past and present have open cultures in female sexual agency and where men or villages raise children without bias to who the father or parents are.
The final mechanism I will note is one where a woman who has has many partners is a woman who knows how to get partners and has something desirable that others obviously want. To a man with self esteem issues or insecurity in their abilities or value as a partner- this can be a problem…
.. when we feel, or it is fact, our partner is highly desirable or more desirable than us in an open dating pool, the power dynamic shifts. Knowing your partner could leave you at any time or of you left they’d probably be fine, not having that feeling of power is problematic to some people. Some who question their own worth or don’t truly trust their partner or understand their partners bind to them may also see a partner with a sexual appetite as likely to cheat. They view their number of partners or the deeds they’ve done without context- a person who has had sex with 50 people didn’t necessarily cheat on any one of those people- but many upon hearing info such a number will assume that their partners monogamy is questionable. This of course is another example where often nothing else about the partner or their behavior suggests disloyalty but personal issues and insecurities project onto the partner. …
… the western and many other ideas of marriage and relationships are highly patriarchal and generally have the woman assuming a passive or submissive role. When we look through modern history and further we see even the idea of women being able to enjoy sex or having sexual desires is something often frowned upon by men and the patriarchy. It threatens certain fundamental ideas like men as the leaders or roles and servitude in relationships- a man’s sexual well being as a wife’s “duty” doesn’t work the same when the duty is mutual for the man to please the woman- who generally biologically are often more complicated to please sexually and may require psychological and other components men often need less of to orgasm. Female sexual aggression calls into question or destroys many of the classic dynamics and assumptions in patriarchal societies.
In such societies women are often treated as less aggressive, weak, indecisive, submissive, gentle, meek, innocent, etc. it may seem silly because much of modern society has grown past some of these assumptions due largely to feminist pioneers- but you have to remember as late as the early 20th century women were barred from ski jumping due to fear jumping may cause the uterus to fall out. Google it. Often the labels of lack of aggression or strength have been used to keep women out of male dominated areas. Females were said to lack the resolve or otherwise fundamentally lack strength or ability to even hold basic jobs or be leaders for example.
In the dating and family dynamics of many cultures women take a “back seat” role as do their desires and wills. This tends to suit males who just want a compliant and agreeable source of sex and support or wish fulfillment and validation- but historically a good deal of women do not like that arrangement- one where a man provides “protection” and financial or other security in exchange for essentially deference to his desires and will. If you stop and think about just how much dating and society has changed in the few decades since the idea of feminism, female self agency, and female sexual aggression have entered the mainstream, you can see that it isn’t a concept one can simply brush away and say it can’t make that big of a difference.
At the end of the day, the classic social view in most of the worlds major countries has been one where women were regarded or still are to some degree regarded as the property of men and at the very least expected to conform their very lives and selves to the definitions of what men have put forward as the acceptable or expected behavior of a “desirable woman.” That the woman’s value as a person or in society comes from being what a man most likely wants to date or marry. To be valuable is to be pleasing to men and act in a way that pleases men above self. If not the case why would we put so much emphasis on wether a woman slept with as many partners as a man? If it was something she chose to do and wanted to do and enjoyed, why is it viewed so negatively? Simply put because it is something that tends to lower the perception of her with certain types of men who follow traditional patriarchal thinking.
To women using the word- similarly it tends to be weaponized. A woman who is taking away from the popularity or choice mating options for another woman, or a woman that another simply wants to try to socially diminish or reduce her desirability to specific suitors because that woman poses a threat. It can also be the low self esteem of a woman or her subscription to the concept her own value comes from between her legs and not from her deeds or ability or character etc. similarly, out of low self worth a woman might try to lower another woman to make herself feel good. If another woman has advantages in beauty or brains or spirit or accomplishments or other areas which the first woman doesn’t posses or feels lacking, or to put it bluntly- many women call others names like “slut” because the only thing the woman calling the “insult” has to brag about is that she has slept with less men, not anything she’s done or is good at.
TL:Dr in conclusion:
At its core- that’s what the word “slut” tells us- it’s a word that attempts to devalue a woman based on the idea her mating potential or social value has been diminished because she chose to have sex.
It stems from low self worth and insecurity in those throwing the label, and a concept that the most valuable thing in a woman is her ability to have sex or please men. Wether she’s funny or kind or an expert lawyer- she can be “brought low” in the eyes of many simply because she enjoys sex or doesn’t hold sex as her most valuable and closely regarded asset. A woman who has many partners isn’t by default having sex with men who don’t respect them or are “using them.” That very concept shows the issue. To assume the woman is being used by a man for sexual pleasure and not that a woman could be using a man for sexual pleasure.
1. Men who are threatened or feel undermined by female sexual agency.
2. Women who are likewise feeling to the above men.
In the case of men, who historically are most vocal and pressing with the label of “slut,” the concept of a woman sleeping around takes away from male power fantasy. The idea of the “virgin” as a “prize” being one example. A woman with sexual experience can intimidate many men who often feel insecurity at the thought of comparison to other lovers in areas like penis size or in the pleasurability, technique, creative etc. of their love making. The more experiences your partner has had, the more chances they’ve had to discover what they like, try new things, and possibly find a better sexual partner whom you can’t live up to. This is one classic example..
Another place it tends to hurt the male ego is in the concept that a man is “special.” This shows you the sad mind of some people, who if they valued their partner as a human would feel as special to be the 100th partner as they one and only. It can also be the same idea but in the form of a male seeking “conquest.” That is to say- many have an idea that they must “earn” the sexual favor of a woman, that she is a “puzzle” or otherwise zealously guarding sex with herself and that a “special woman” is one whom would turn down all other guys and only see this one guy as worthy. Wether from low self esteem and low respect for their partner as a person or from ego, the basic truth there is that it is about male validation. Feeling “worthy” above others….
The final mechanism I will note is one where a woman who has has many partners is a woman who knows how to get partners and has something desirable that others obviously want. To a man with self esteem issues or insecurity in their abilities or value as a partner- this can be a problem…
At its core- that’s what the word “slut” tells us- it’s a word that attempts to devalue a woman based on the idea her mating potential or social value has been diminished because she chose to have sex.
It stems from low self worth and insecurity in those throwing the label, and a concept that the most valuable thing in a woman is her ability to have sex or please men. Wether she’s funny or kind or an expert lawyer- she can be “brought low” in the eyes of many simply because she enjoys sex or doesn’t hold sex as her most valuable and closely regarded asset. A woman who has many partners isn’t by default having sex with men who don’t respect them or are “using them.” That very concept shows the issue. To assume the woman is being used by a man for sexual pleasure and not that a woman could be using a man for sexual pleasure.