Basic economics: Something is only worth what the free market is willing to pay for it

I’ve been unlucky enough to have seen what is it seems a not so uncommon occurrence- he will essentially “fire” his now no longer novel “toy,” he often takes them for a meal, doesn’t order, waits for the food, and then tells them that he will no longer being seeing them but to order as they please and the check is already paid. Then he leaves. So it seems they often come to his “party house” often in tears and begging to be taken back or to know what they did wrong or furious at him. He’ll tell them to leave over the intercom and call the police if they don’t and that’s it. Because he has lots of money to spend on whatever he wants to amuse himself with- and to him, he’s ok Amy sing himself with people. He says he never promises or misleads to anything other than what it is- I don’t know if that makes it better or “ok,” I’m not here to discuss my friends poor taste in friends. I’m just saying the world is full of people similar who have money and little care for the hearts of others.

There’s nothing wrong with having an “arrangement” of that’s your thing- just don’t assume that a person who spends money on you cares or is someone to invest your feelings in. Someone who spends the last $10 in their bank and has to go hungry until pay day to take care of you probably cares more about you than someone who spends $800 on you but can afford to spend $800 just on a regular night out with friends. To be clear I’m not saying to date the person who only has $10 in their account… I mean- I guess it depends on circumstances and specifics and where y’all are in life etc- but it isn’t binary- I’m not saying that all people with money make uncaring partners or that all broke people are great partners-
Given that money is pretty important in most relationships- finding someone with a similar concept of money to you is often not a bad idea- but I’m saying if you judge how much someone cares or how good a partner they are by how much they spend… you might be in for a big fall.

To that point- a person who can afford $800 easily, that gesture may not be as big a deal or as hard or rare a thing to them- but there are those who spend the $800 and can’t afford it too. Another reason you can’t judge suitability on amount spent. I had a friend who was chronically broke. This guy lover the ladies though. He was all flash. He dressed nice and was well groomed, worked out. He worked at an auto repair chain. They often services rental cars. So he’d dress suave and take the nicer rentals like the muscle cars and luxury cars or SUV’s. He’d go out and basically have his entire paycheck as a wad of cash in his pocket. He was young and many girls were all over him. Nice cars, nice clothes, money… he house sat for his boss who had a nice house. He’d pass it off as his and take them there. These girls thought he was loaded. He’d usually lie about what he did for a living too. Needless to say that when and if they or he tried to carry the relationship on, before long the

Holes in his story started to show or become obvious. He once successfully convinced a relatively wealthy young career woman that he was also a wealthy career man for almost a whole year. She’s travel, he’d claim to travel. They were too busy etc. to see each other’s work, etc etc. she finally figured it out and after a year she was pretty (justifiably) pissed off. Because of his shenanigans he also had huge debt, bad credit, he ended up losing many friends and connections by using them or them getting fed up with his nonsense, and to try to keep his phony lifestyle going he’d resorted to various grifts. So he ended up losing his job, his boss obviously had long previously stopped paying him or allowing him to house sit after figuring out what was going on, and he ended up going to prison for one of his many petty schemes. To the unsuspecting, he would seem like a “real catch” at least at first- but his life,
Finances, and personality were a mess.far from a catch- a walking liability

To anyone who got involved with him. I had stopped being friends not too long after I discovered what he was doing. I’d tried to talk sense into him but saw it was fruitless. Many years ago the last I heard through a mutual friend, when he finished his sentence he got out and more or less went back to his old ways, managed to trick a pretty well off woman into thinking he was someone else- and got her pregnant. At the time he was trying to get custody and child support from her. He is also a man who would buy a woman he just met an $800 plane ticket. So… it is my advice to not put too much stock into what a person spends on others without putting the bigger picture in perspective.
Personally, I find it a red flag if someone is going to spend large sums of money on their partner early into a relationship- with “large sums” being somewhat relative to age/income/wealth. Just… be careful out there. A lot of messed up people.

Of course a woman can drug a man and steal his watch or wallet etc, commit credit card or identity fraud, act as “bait” for accomplices who will rob them etc.
and it does happen- it just isn’t quite as common statistically. Men in general do have stresses and concerns and such with dates, anxieties etc. so I don’t want to make it sound like I’m saying dating is a total breeze for men- but as you allude to in your comments- there are all sorts of behaviors and concerns that are in many cases matters of fundamental safety that a woman must be mindful of often on dates- “if I let him pay will he think he is owed?” “If I don’t say anything about this behavior will he think it is ok to go further? If I do say something will he become aggressive or violent..?”
Lots of things. So there are certain factors where we can say in that traditional sense of how gender and gender roles have worked in dating- there is sort of a deficit. Something many men don’t think on. This applies to…

.. consensual sex as well- most of the ranger tends to be on the woman or statistically greater for the woman. Even if we ignore issues of safety and assault, if a pregnancy occurs the woman is the one who has to deal with it. The man may or may not be able to be found or compelled to take their responsibility. Biologically, men are almost guaranteed to have an orgasm. Women are often more difficult to achieve climax. Where an orgasm isn’t had, the overall statistical reporting of enjoyment among men or women in non committed relationships tends to be higher among men. In short- a random woman tends to have a lower chance of getting enjoyment from just any random sexual encounter with any random person and is essentially almost certain to give that person a good time at the cost of personal risk and time spent as well as other factors.

These factors tend to change as relationships become committed and well formed and a person transitions from stranger or interest to partner and friend. That said- I think it is important for men to be mindful of these dynamics and have some empathy. Often times a man is a foot or more taller than a woman and may have 20 or more pounds of muscle on her. We are likely the most dangerous predator to women in modern history-
So having some empathy and not assuming every woman that doesn’t throw herself carefree at a guy is “stuck up” or whatever might be a good start.