This one could go either way- but yeah. I wouldn’t necessarily say that we can tell anything about either party just from this- well- we can infer certain things as the fact the poster felt the need to post that does speak a little to them. Without brining “banging” into it- simply put the new man very likely doesn’t know her as well as the ex. She could be a wonderful person and the ex is cheap or whatever- but it could also be that she is not so wonderful objectively or at least the ex didn’t find her to be so, and the new man is early in a relationship so only sees the good and is statistically more likely to make risky or grand ge stores because that’s generally how the human brain works when it comes to relationships. The brain responds chemically to new relationships in a way very similar to taking drugs. Over time these chemical reactions tend to grow weaker and so as time goes on, the excitement and rush and artificial chemical flood making the relationship enjoyable begin…
.. to wear off. That’s a big part of why so many relationships tend to end around 6-7 years and the basis of the “7 year itch.” This is around the time most people will effectively stop getting “feel good” chemicals from their brains and the relationship is now almost entirely based on the people involved and their compatibility and actual feelings for the other. It’s also part of why so many people like to jump from relationship to relationship- they are often chasing a high. That same “high” tends to impair judgment and inhibition to some degree and other factors play in to it as well which tend to make us more willing to try new things and overlook things as well as engage in riskier or more impulsive behavior while in those stages of relationships. A common complaint on long term relationships is “they always used to do XYZ when we started dating…” these are some of the factors in that. So- it could go either way.
Since I’m dumping unsolicited relationship advice in comments it seems-
Don’t confuse money spent to care. An acquaintance though a mutual friend dates a lot of younger men and he is of my rough age- slightly older. He will take them on shopping trips, help pay their bills or their families bills, he gets them “makeovers” and sometimes travels with them and regularly takes them for fine dining. He lets them drive his fancy cars and etc. he doesn’t care about any of them. He likes having different partners all the time. He has “moods” and when his “mood” changes- he’s on to the next. He has no spouse, he owns a couple properties and has his investments and a career-
He has the money and a lack of obligations to where a few thousand dollars a month to “play with his boy toys” isn’t a big deal to him. They are on his schedule. They fly to him when he wants company or some sex. When he is busy or enjoying his hobbies he forgets about them until he feels like it.
I’ve been unlucky enough to have seen what is it seems a not so uncommon occurrence- he will essentially “fire” his now no longer novel “toy,” he often takes them for a meal, doesn’t order, waits for the food, and then tells them that he will no longer being seeing them but to order as they please and the check is already paid. Then he leaves. So it seems they often come to his “party house” often in tears and begging to be taken back or to know what they did wrong or furious at him. He’ll tell them to leave over the intercom and call the police if they don’t and that’s it. Because he has lots of money to spend on whatever he wants to amuse himself with- and to him, he’s ok Amy sing himself with people. He says he never promises or misleads to anything other than what it is- I don’t know if that makes it better or “ok,” I’m not here to discuss my friends poor taste in friends. I’m just saying the world is full of people similar who have money and little care for the hearts of others.
There’s nothing wrong with having an “arrangement” of that’s your thing- just don’t assume that a person who spends money on you cares or is someone to invest your feelings in. Someone who spends the last $10 in their bank and has to go hungry until pay day to take care of you probably cares more about you than someone who spends $800 on you but can afford to spend $800 just on a regular night out with friends. To be clear I’m not saying to date the person who only has $10 in their account… I mean- I guess it depends on circumstances and specifics and where y’all are in life etc- but it isn’t binary- I’m not saying that all people with money make uncaring partners or that all broke people are great partners-
Given that money is pretty important in most relationships- finding someone with a similar concept of money to you is often not a bad idea- but I’m saying if you judge how much someone cares or how good a partner they are by how much they spend… you might be in for a big fall.
To that point- a person who can afford $800 easily, that gesture may not be as big a deal or as hard or rare a thing to them- but there are those who spend the $800 and can’t afford it too. Another reason you can’t judge suitability on amount spent. I had a friend who was chronically broke. This guy lover the ladies though. He was all flash. He dressed nice and was well groomed, worked out. He worked at an auto repair chain. They often services rental cars. So he’d dress suave and take the nicer rentals like the muscle cars and luxury cars or SUV’s. He’d go out and basically have his entire paycheck as a wad of cash in his pocket. He was young and many girls were all over him. Nice cars, nice clothes, money… he house sat for his boss who had a nice house. He’d pass it off as his and take them there. These girls thought he was loaded. He’d usually lie about what he did for a living too. Needless to say that when and if they or he tried to carry the relationship on, before long the
Holes in his story started to show or become obvious. He once successfully convinced a relatively wealthy young career woman that he was also a wealthy career man for almost a whole year. She’s travel, he’d claim to travel. They were too busy etc. to see each other’s work, etc etc. she finally figured it out and after a year she was pretty (justifiably) pissed off. Because of his shenanigans he also had huge debt, bad credit, he ended up losing many friends and connections by using them or them getting fed up with his nonsense, and to try to keep his phony lifestyle going he’d resorted to various grifts. So he ended up losing his job, his boss obviously had long previously stopped paying him or allowing him to house sit after figuring out what was going on, and he ended up going to prison for one of his many petty schemes. To the unsuspecting, he would seem like a “real catch” at least at first- but his life,
Finances, and personality were a mess.far from a catch- a walking liability
To anyone who got involved with him. I had stopped being friends not too long after I discovered what he was doing. I’d tried to talk sense into him but saw it was fruitless. Many years ago the last I heard through a mutual friend, when he finished his sentence he got out and more or less went back to his old ways, managed to trick a pretty well off woman into thinking he was someone else- and got her pregnant. At the time he was trying to get custody and child support from her. He is also a man who would buy a woman he just met an $800 plane ticket. So… it is my advice to not put too much stock into what a person spends on others without putting the bigger picture in perspective.
Personally, I find it a red flag if someone is going to spend large sums of money on their partner early into a relationship- with “large sums” being somewhat relative to age/income/wealth. Just… be careful out there. A lot of messed up people.
The guy commenting is 99,9% sure an incel. Ladies recognize a chintzy John from a distance so guys who believe a date is a bucks-for-banging scheme usually don't get any. At best, they hook up with hookers.
I've seen a lot of guys online say "If you pay for her dinner, she should let you fuck her or at least give you a BJ." Like excuse me sir, do you really think someone's body and intimacy is worth the $10 McDonalds meal you paid for? First of all, having sex is dependant on one thing, and that is consent. Not paying for dinner, not coercion, just informed and enthusiastic consent. Second of all, a person who thinks of relationships so transactionally would not make a good partner anyway, so yeah, avoid them at all costs.
That's why I always prefer to split the bill. I already hate feeling like I owe money to someone, and the thought that they'll try to exploit that or hound me about it? Ugh.
Edit: That said, going back to this post specifically, it goes both ways. She could've paid to uber to him as well if she wanted to spend time with him.
For sure. There are guys who think that way- and I’m with you that people should handle “who pays” in the way they are comfortable with. It’s somewhat rooted in traditional gender roles- not just the man as “provider” or the man as the one who “earns” etc- but traditionally a “dinner date” takes more from a woman. The traditional preparation generally requires more cost/effort/time in the form of makeup, hair, getting dressed, shaving etc where those things were traditionally expected. More so however, and even in this modern time ignoring antiquated social “norms” for women and dating- there is generally more “danger” in a date for a woman than a man. Few men worry or need to worry about being raped or non consensually assaulted on dates. The odds are slim for men and women- but the odds your date might just murder you for kicks are statistically much higher for women than men.
Of course a woman can drug a man and steal his watch or wallet etc, commit credit card or identity fraud, act as “bait” for accomplices who will rob them etc.
and it does happen- it just isn’t quite as common statistically. Men in general do have stresses and concerns and such with dates, anxieties etc. so I don’t want to make it sound like I’m saying dating is a total breeze for men- but as you allude to in your comments- there are all sorts of behaviors and concerns that are in many cases matters of fundamental safety that a woman must be mindful of often on dates- “if I let him pay will he think he is owed?” “If I don’t say anything about this behavior will he think it is ok to go further? If I do say something will he become aggressive or violent..?”
Lots of things. So there are certain factors where we can say in that traditional sense of how gender and gender roles have worked in dating- there is sort of a deficit. Something many men don’t think on. This applies to…
.. consensual sex as well- most of the ranger tends to be on the woman or statistically greater for the woman. Even if we ignore issues of safety and assault, if a pregnancy occurs the woman is the one who has to deal with it. The man may or may not be able to be found or compelled to take their responsibility. Biologically, men are almost guaranteed to have an orgasm. Women are often more difficult to achieve climax. Where an orgasm isn’t had, the overall statistical reporting of enjoyment among men or women in non committed relationships tends to be higher among men. In short- a random woman tends to have a lower chance of getting enjoyment from just any random sexual encounter with any random person and is essentially almost certain to give that person a good time at the cost of personal risk and time spent as well as other factors.
These factors tend to change as relationships become committed and well formed and a person transitions from stranger or interest to partner and friend. That said- I think it is important for men to be mindful of these dynamics and have some empathy. Often times a man is a foot or more taller than a woman and may have 20 or more pounds of muscle on her. We are likely the most dangerous predator to women in modern history-
So having some empathy and not assuming every woman that doesn’t throw herself carefree at a guy is “stuck up” or whatever might be a good start.
I can't imagine asking an *ex* for money for anything. Wouldn't you have current friends you could prevail on in an emergency?
Of course, looking at her attitude, the friends who'd bail me out in an emergency are ones I'd do the same for...so, since she seems to be a one-way-street as far as "help" goes, maybe I shouldn't be surprised that she needs a sugar daddy to pay rather than a friend to lend some money.
Don’t confuse money spent to care. An acquaintance though a mutual friend dates a lot of younger men and he is of my rough age- slightly older. He will take them on shopping trips, help pay their bills or their families bills, he gets them “makeovers” and sometimes travels with them and regularly takes them for fine dining. He lets them drive his fancy cars and etc. he doesn’t care about any of them. He likes having different partners all the time. He has “moods” and when his “mood” changes- he’s on to the next. He has no spouse, he owns a couple properties and has his investments and a career-
He has the money and a lack of obligations to where a few thousand dollars a month to “play with his boy toys” isn’t a big deal to him. They are on his schedule. They fly to him when he wants company or some sex. When he is busy or enjoying his hobbies he forgets about them until he feels like it.
Given that money is pretty important in most relationships- finding someone with a similar concept of money to you is often not a bad idea- but I’m saying if you judge how much someone cares or how good a partner they are by how much they spend… you might be in for a big fall.
Finances, and personality were a mess.far from a catch- a walking liability
Personally, I find it a red flag if someone is going to spend large sums of money on their partner early into a relationship- with “large sums” being somewhat relative to age/income/wealth. Just… be careful out there. A lot of messed up people.
That's why I always prefer to split the bill. I already hate feeling like I owe money to someone, and the thought that they'll try to exploit that or hound me about it? Ugh.
Edit: That said, going back to this post specifically, it goes both ways. She could've paid to uber to him as well if she wanted to spend time with him.
and it does happen- it just isn’t quite as common statistically. Men in general do have stresses and concerns and such with dates, anxieties etc. so I don’t want to make it sound like I’m saying dating is a total breeze for men- but as you allude to in your comments- there are all sorts of behaviors and concerns that are in many cases matters of fundamental safety that a woman must be mindful of often on dates- “if I let him pay will he think he is owed?” “If I don’t say anything about this behavior will he think it is ok to go further? If I do say something will he become aggressive or violent..?”
Lots of things. So there are certain factors where we can say in that traditional sense of how gender and gender roles have worked in dating- there is sort of a deficit. Something many men don’t think on. This applies to…
So having some empathy and not assuming every woman that doesn’t throw herself carefree at a guy is “stuck up” or whatever might be a good start.
Of course, looking at her attitude, the friends who'd bail me out in an emergency are ones I'd do the same for...so, since she seems to be a one-way-street as far as "help" goes, maybe I shouldn't be surprised that she needs a sugar daddy to pay rather than a friend to lend some money.