This is true. It’s also an interesting topic.
Does privacy mean absolution?
Here is a real world example-
If you are married to someone who cheats on you, but you never have any idea they are- the fact that you don’t know- how does that impact it if at all?
If your child’s baby sitter or teacher or doctor fantasizes about children, but never acts on it, if you knew, would you be comfortable? If you never knew it wouldn’t matter right?
But if you didn’t find out until your child was 32 that their life long doctor had fantasized about children, them, the whole time- you’d just be ok with that? You wouldn’t feel any sort of negativity or betrayal or violation? Because it was all private, in their head?
Different people might answer differently.
I’m not advocating for or against the concept- I’m just saying that if it is “no harm no foul” to fantasize in your head, then someone who is ok with the idea of masturbating to a stranger or acquaintance would in theory not be able to say that someone fantasizing about one of their loved ones was wrong for it no?
It gets sticky. Who are we? What you show the world is generally a mask, we pick and choose what we want to show people to protect ourselves or to influence perception etc. two people can meet and seem to get along and be friendly but hate each other right? It’s all what they decide they want others to perceive.
So, is what you think the “real” you and the way you act the “fake?”
Then again- what we think or our reactions are often instinct or involuntary. What you do or act on is more a choice.
So is your character defined by the fact that in your head you laughed when the old man fell down the stairs, or by the fact that your actions were to run to them, show concern, and admonish those laughing at them?
Or neither? Both?
You do have privacy in your mind, at least for now.
That said- one can have physical privacy too.
The Catholic Church has had quite a few scandals concerning how that privacy was used, but only once it was known. So long as it was private- no one save those involved knew, to the rest of the world it never happened.
So then… if a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? Scientifically we can say confidently that it does. Even that which happens in total “secrecy” has some sort of real effect.
Thought and imagination are however… we can call them “virtual.” A thought doesn’t have to have a tangible impact on the world. It can be some reflection of who we are, or who we are Can reflect our thoughts- but it isn’t “real” save to the person thinking it. At present our thoughts are only known to those we tell.
So one would think that makes the imagination a “free space,” but then- shame is an emotion. A thought. Like all thoughts there is that feedback loop- biology influences thought and thought can influence our bodies responses- but shame is primarily in our minds. Ethics are a concept. Morality. Just thoughts. When you think about stealing you might stop yourself. Perhaps the potential consequences stop you, or perhaps it is your own internal shame at the concept. Your morality within you headspace.
There isn’t solid evidence that thinking about doing something will make us do it. Thinking about doing a thing Can actually make us less likely to do it- in theory. That said…
It is the case that for example, many prolific killers think about killing.
So the fact you think about killing people doesn’t mean you will, or that you are a killer necessarily, but if you are a killer, you’ve probably thought about killing.
The answer remains unclear. So long as what is in our heads remains private, until or unless a means to view our thoughts within the mind comes about, it isn’t really a practical issue.
Should you feel bad for masturbating to someone without consent? Maybe. I mean- if you knew they’d be upset knowing you were thinking that… well… it’s at least dishonest isn’t it? But that tends to be the human condition. Dishonesty. We wear our masks and few if anyone doesn’t even tell “white lies” to spare others feelings or smooth interactions between people.
Does that make it ok though? There are some deeper issues and questions at play here.
At the end of the day though, as said, it isn’t like anyone can stop you. If you have the good sense to not blab your sex fantasía to the world, you don’t really need to worry. If you don’t want your neighbor or cousin or boss to know you rubbed one out imagining them in their pool clothes- you probably wouldn’t tell them or almost anyone else. If you REALLY didn’t want them to know.. you’d tell no one. A secret isn’t a secret when more than one person alive knows it.
So like so many of these “culture debate” type things, it really becomes a matter of obstinance.
Samantha goes by Sam but that isn’t her name. It’s no harder to call her Sam than it is to call her Mr. Instead of Ms. It’s one letter difference. Does it matter if you don’t care or even “believe in” that? It’s like zero effort. If people want to call sexual fantasizing rape- then… ok. Whatever.
Do what everyone does and be dishonest.
You think most pedophiles go around telling everyone they think about kids when they jerk it? They know at least they’d likely be ostracized and could easily go to jail or be killed. So what if they criminalized thinking about people sexually without consent? You… can’t go around blabbing to everyone you meet that you got solo nasty thinking about your crush at school or your old roommate…? The humanity. Who does that anyway? Who just goes around talking about all the people they’ve masturbated to? That person is likely a jerk to begin with.
Or obnoxious. Which isn’t a crime generally, and I personally don’t think being obnoxious should be a crime- but it’s common decency right? The hope is that you don’t need to worry about having a law about…
Here’s a true story. A guy was masturbating into his coworkers coffee every day and the judge in that jurisdiction couldn’t find a crime to punish him for. At the place and time they had no safety rails for that. They never thought they’d need to deal with a criminal case of someone masturbating into their coworkers coded because who the fuck would do that?
Some states make any unwanted and intentionally or reasonably foreseen forced contact with bodily fluids an assault. Spitting, licking, even if it causes no harm can be the same as a punch or a grope. Others don’t. We make laws for when people do things that make us need laws generally.
So we hope that someone doesn’t ruin it for everyone, but people are people and inevitably tend to do so given time and opportunity.
But good luck enforcing a law like that, and almost anyone who got in trouble socially or legally for that would probably be accountable. Possibly deserving- because your head is private so long as you keep it private.
You know that thinking of your spouses sister or brother while making love is “wrong,” but- that’s in YOUR head. So I won’t say it is wrong to think of someone without their consent- although without consent usually precludes something wrong. I’ll say that right or wrong, if you keep it in your head, it’s on you to reconcile your guilt and desire. That’s how everything works in thoughts. “I make money by being s parasite/hurting others but…”
We all have our morals. If the idea of non consensual masturbation being rape bothers someone- they either need to examine their behavior or reconcile their morals I would say. At the end of the day it’s your head, your rules. You can also ignore the entire issue and just thoughtlessly do what you want or justify it how you want. If we examine the issue though- it is at the least ethically or morally problematic to anyone that values consent. But I mean- we force people to do things all the time. Anyone with kids would likely never get anything done and raise horrible humans if they never did anything the kid didn’t want to do. How many kids would not be in school if you needed a 4-12 graders consent to force them to go?
Can you write the fantasies down? Could you commission someone to write/draw your fanatasies?
Or is your head the only place where you are free to fantasise?
Does privacy mean absolution?
Here is a real world example-
If you are married to someone who cheats on you, but you never have any idea they are- the fact that you don’t know- how does that impact it if at all?
If your child’s baby sitter or teacher or doctor fantasizes about children, but never acts on it, if you knew, would you be comfortable? If you never knew it wouldn’t matter right?
But if you didn’t find out until your child was 32 that their life long doctor had fantasized about children, them, the whole time- you’d just be ok with that? You wouldn’t feel any sort of negativity or betrayal or violation? Because it was all private, in their head?
I’m not advocating for or against the concept- I’m just saying that if it is “no harm no foul” to fantasize in your head, then someone who is ok with the idea of masturbating to a stranger or acquaintance would in theory not be able to say that someone fantasizing about one of their loved ones was wrong for it no?
So, is what you think the “real” you and the way you act the “fake?”
Then again- what we think or our reactions are often instinct or involuntary. What you do or act on is more a choice.
So is your character defined by the fact that in your head you laughed when the old man fell down the stairs, or by the fact that your actions were to run to them, show concern, and admonish those laughing at them?
Or neither? Both?
That said- one can have physical privacy too.
The Catholic Church has had quite a few scandals concerning how that privacy was used, but only once it was known. So long as it was private- no one save those involved knew, to the rest of the world it never happened.
So then… if a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? Scientifically we can say confidently that it does. Even that which happens in total “secrecy” has some sort of real effect.
It is the case that for example, many prolific killers think about killing.
So the fact you think about killing people doesn’t mean you will, or that you are a killer necessarily, but if you are a killer, you’ve probably thought about killing.
The answer remains unclear. So long as what is in our heads remains private, until or unless a means to view our thoughts within the mind comes about, it isn’t really a practical issue.
Should you feel bad for masturbating to someone without consent? Maybe. I mean- if you knew they’d be upset knowing you were thinking that… well… it’s at least dishonest isn’t it? But that tends to be the human condition. Dishonesty. We wear our masks and few if anyone doesn’t even tell “white lies” to spare others feelings or smooth interactions between people.
At the end of the day though, as said, it isn’t like anyone can stop you. If you have the good sense to not blab your sex fantasía to the world, you don’t really need to worry. If you don’t want your neighbor or cousin or boss to know you rubbed one out imagining them in their pool clothes- you probably wouldn’t tell them or almost anyone else. If you REALLY didn’t want them to know.. you’d tell no one. A secret isn’t a secret when more than one person alive knows it.
Samantha goes by Sam but that isn’t her name. It’s no harder to call her Sam than it is to call her Mr. Instead of Ms. It’s one letter difference. Does it matter if you don’t care or even “believe in” that? It’s like zero effort. If people want to call sexual fantasizing rape- then… ok. Whatever.
Do what everyone does and be dishonest.
You think most pedophiles go around telling everyone they think about kids when they jerk it? They know at least they’d likely be ostracized and could easily go to jail or be killed. So what if they criminalized thinking about people sexually without consent? You… can’t go around blabbing to everyone you meet that you got solo nasty thinking about your crush at school or your old roommate…? The humanity. Who does that anyway? Who just goes around talking about all the people they’ve masturbated to? That person is likely a jerk to begin with.
Here’s a true story. A guy was masturbating into his coworkers coffee every day and the judge in that jurisdiction couldn’t find a crime to punish him for. At the place and time they had no safety rails for that. They never thought they’d need to deal with a criminal case of someone masturbating into their coworkers coded because who the fuck would do that?
So we hope that someone doesn’t ruin it for everyone, but people are people and inevitably tend to do so given time and opportunity.
You know that thinking of your spouses sister or brother while making love is “wrong,” but- that’s in YOUR head. So I won’t say it is wrong to think of someone without their consent- although without consent usually precludes something wrong. I’ll say that right or wrong, if you keep it in your head, it’s on you to reconcile your guilt and desire. That’s how everything works in thoughts. “I make money by being s parasite/hurting others but…”
Or is your head the only place where you are free to fantasise?