I'm just gonna say this. Yes his is a sad story and might resinate with others, but i do not like how others tell others how to live their lives. Sure, he is giving good advice on not giving up on what you wanted most but this is what causes a problem for me. I don't think anyone anyone should give anyone a map of how life should be truly led, his life may seem to him now a hole of sadness, but there is someone out there whose only dream in life is to live how he is. I'm not saying he shouldn't have his feelings or right to complain, its his life. But i have problems with someone saying, do this and this and this and you will be happy. Happiness is not a formula of anything, it totally relies on the individual. What i am trying to say is, if his advice works for you use it, but don't feel bad either if it doesn't.
I feel like he is just saying don't lose sight of things that make you happy. If making money and working hard makes you smile, go for it. I lost all my hopes and dreams too, 42 years old now with no wife, girlfriend, kids...but I have what is considered a good job. That's all I have. And it is just a job, there is no passion for it. It's mildly interesting at times but it's just there to pay the bills. I have no passion for much anymore...time either. I did all the things I'm supposed to do, good job, benefits, buy a house...etc. But I feel like there is no future for me. I don't have anything to look forward to.
Don't lose sight of truly important things in your life, whatever they might be.
No wife, girlfriend, kids? Which somewhat equates to more freedom, I assume, man. I am guessing you likely saved a big sum of money with lesser financial commitments in your personal. Maybe you can do something with it?
Go travel, buy a yacht, adopt a dog, or fall in love. Do whatever makes you feel lively again. It's not too late, 42 y.o is not old. Whatever you do, choose happiness. I hope you'll see hope in your future, stranger.
Predict the next 10-50 years of your life in total accuracy based off what happened today. You can't. When you sit there in the future thinking back on things that already happened and having regrets that what you are doing. You are day dreaming, because if you changed that one decision you have no idea what would have happened next, you couldn't predict it then and you can't predict it now because you can't see the future or you might not have made that choice to begin with. You're in a fantasy where everything is better but in reality things could have turned out even worse for you. Any moment your world could fall apart through no direct action by you, so you make the best decision you know how at the time and keep doing that while learning as you go. The best advice is don't live your life with fear. Let it go. Manage time wisely so you can have stability but make room for writing your novel or touring Europe, be a little dumb sometimes, just don't be an idiot.
I read this and I see myself. I am 30 and I've spent my whole adult life doing meaningless clerical jobs that put food on the table and pays my bills. This story is all well and good but I ask you honestly, what's the alternative? We have to work, and working takes up most of our time. So what else can be done? Sure I'd love to travel the world and open bakery but that just isn't feasible.
Im sorry. I hope you get to live that dream or that you can find a new achievable one or at least get to live something "close enough" to be happy. We each must find meaning in our existence, sometimes we don't need our whole lives to change to be happy, we simply need to do what is feasible for us to remind us there is fun and purpose in our world. Sadly I can't tell you your alternative, I can just say that making positive changes is hard, and often requires sacrifice. Sometimes it's enough to be working towards a dream to make us happy. Breaking dreams into achievable chunks and then completing them in sequence can give us a feeling of fullfilment while getting us closer. Even if we never make it we can know we did all we could and relish the experience gained. Analyzing what about a dream attracts us can help us find that we don't actually need that dream, but can bring the key elements that make us happy to our daily life. Best of luck and happiness to you.
I realised in the last year of my doctorate that I had chosen the wrong field and I would be stuck for the rest of my life in a career that drained my soul. Every day I'm grateful that I found the courage to earn another degree in a completely different field, and now I'm working a fufilling job that I love. You're never stuck on a path; if you're unhappy, find the courage to make a change.
Ok even though he has changed fuck his wife. That's never an excuse to cheat on somebody. As a spouse, you're supposed to be the person to remind them of their dreams, to push them to pursue greater things and to make them a better person. She was complacent and that's just as bad too. He blames himself but he wanted what was best for his family and for their future. If she really wanted him to stay the same she should have been their motivating him, not crying and looking for happiness somewhere else. Marriage is a life long commitment and people nowadays don't see it as such anymore
46 isn't the end of life. it's never too early to find and follow your passions. divorce her. take half the money. get a small apartment and finish your novel. take your son to the park, listen to his life. encourage him, let him know you're there for him. travel on your book release tour. don't give up. sooner than you think you'll be 66 and regretting not doing the things you knew you should have in your 40s.
I respect that he is aware of his behavior and how it could impact a partner, in the future that will hopefully help him keep his relationships healthier. You are right however. He shouldn't shoulder all the blame. Cheating is a choice, in situations like this his wife could have discussed her unhappiness. Maybe she did since we don't know their relationship, but before cheating there are options like opening your relationship or separating. The fact he didn't know and that she had 10 years to tell him shows she didn't do either. People change with time. You like who they become or not, cheating because he changed is t an excuse. No one should apologize for being stable and responsible, but she signed up for spontaneous and free. Their values aligned then but not as they aged. You work on a compromise or split up. Communication is key to any relationship.
Don't lose sight of truly important things in your life, whatever they might be.
Go travel, buy a yacht, adopt a dog, or fall in love. Do whatever makes you feel lively again. It's not too late, 42 y.o is not old. Whatever you do, choose happiness. I hope you'll see hope in your future, stranger.