Probably unpopular opinion, but, from my experience, sometimes what's necessary isn't always what's kind, and what's kind isn't always what's necessary. That's just been the truth in my life, though.
I think it’s relative. By its nature what is necessary is or can be kind- just perhaps not pleasant. It may hurt someone’s feelings to hear their writing is bland, or to be told they have toilet paper hanging from their shoe at a party. But telling them asap and in private can allow them to correct the issue, and save them from having to face many more people and allow more time to find out before they can correct or asses things for themselves. Telling them their writing sucks is not kind, as it is unnecessarily harsh. Telling them they have a huge stain moments before they do a big presentation they cat back out of, and when they have no way to cover it up or change is not kind or necessary, as they can’t fix it and knowing about it will only make them self conscious. “Manners” or “honor” is where unpleasant necessity is tempered with humanity. If you must kill an animal to eat- then don’t kill the mother the babies rely on for survival, and kill it in the least painful way available
I don't believe the message is "What you say must be kind, true, and necessary" I think it's more along the lines of "If it isn't kind, it isn't true, and it isn't necessary, then don't say it". You should make sure that what you say is at least one of those things, otherwise it could cause damage. Kindness and honesty are important virtues, but a kind lie or an unkind truth can be good in their own way. Sometimes, something isn't kind or true, but it still must be said. I believe wisdom is understanding these three principles and how they interact.
To whom though?
People have their own truths and necessity
to lots of people, criticism is absolutely the worst when to some (me) is how one can improve themselves. To them, it's not at all kind but to me, it is
Here are all relative to you. They aren’t absolute truths. The overarching idea is that while you can never know the full truth, or how necessary your words are, that you can try to speak constructively and minimize the pain or discord caused by your words. You can avoid things you know are false, or haven’t confirmed are true (like gossip.) More than “rules” these are tools with the goal of having a person examine how they communicate, and to think critically about what we say and why we say it before we do. In the age of twitter and mass media, it’s maybe more important than ever that we take the time to understand things before we speak about them, and take time to weigh our words before we speak them. That’s what I get from this anyway.
People have their own truths and necessity
to lots of people, criticism is absolutely the worst when to some (me) is how one can improve themselves. To them, it's not at all kind but to me, it is