So, let’s call out that this is a 2-way street. Ladies (and some gentlemen), your man doesn’t need to make a six-figure salary. But he should have some ambition. A desire to be more than he is today for tomorrow. Even if that ambition is to go from fry chef to floor manager, or to work his side hustle until he can make his hobby become his main gig. That type of drive is contagious. And you’ll find yourself becoming a better, more motivated person, which manifests itself financially in both of your lives. A man with a dream who takes action to make it happen is some sexy ass shit. Get you a man who does that.
I recant. Replace the word ‘man’ with ‘mate’ - someone regardless of sex who motivates you to be more than who you are - and I’d say that was what I ultimately meant. No more ranty posts today, I promise.
So you basically marry your local restaurant's staff. How about no?
Like yeah I'll gladly cook for my husband (in a very distant future, if I find someone who is okay with sharing a flat with 5 cats), as I already like to cook for people I love, but not if he takes it for granted and it's the only thing he marries me for. He starts doing that, he gets stomachaches quickly.
While in some ways I disagree with the conclusion, it’s true that too many people put the value of life in the idea of a relationship. I will agree that no relationship is better than a bad relationship, and anything less than a good relationship isn’t usually worth classifying with more weight than a hobby. You gotta be whole by yourself to be able to function with another whole person as a team. Being the major contributor or the caretaker in a relationship is unhealthy if there’s not mutual reciprocity.
Considering that my last relationship was extremely toxic (so much so that I'm still jaded over six years later) I choose to remain alone so I can give my kid the kind of childhood he deserves without the possibility of bringing somebody into our lives that will either be a repeat of history or not have it work out and cause him more damage than his mother already caused us. Besides I'm very much an introvert so being alone is not necessarily a bad thing for me.
I respect that. I understand that the whole “try try again” mentality doesn’t always work as well when you have responsibilities to a child, and don’t want to put them through the instability and potential complications of dating. Not everyone can put their kid first in that regard so i want to acknowledge that. Perhaps as they get a little older you may decide to try again, perhaps not. As you say, romance is not the pillar of life many make it. A good relationship should enhance your life but not necessarily be your whole life.I like to say: “be open to the possibilities.” Which is just my way of saying to go along with things if life throws a good opportunity we aren’t actively looking for our way, but really it’s not my damn business in this case. So I’ll just say: best of luck.
I know a couple who are married now. She makes 3-4x what he does. He buys her food, drinks, when they go out it’s “bae, I like this trinket...” and so on. But here’s the thing- she pays for their home. She pays most of his car note. Buys the phones, pays for the hotel, travel, and most major expenses on trips. They split costs but she is aware he makes less, so the “split” they use is one where she pays the big bills and he just has to pay a fraction of that amount through little things. So don't listen to this sexist, misguided BS. Get a relationship where your partner can take care of themselves, is responsible, and the two of you can work out a mutual RELATIONSHIP in which you’ve worked out the minor details of who splits what responsibility so that you both feel the other one is putting in an equitable share. How you split responsibility is more important to your success than who is buying what if you’re both on the same goals and you’re getting back what you’re putting out.
Like yeah I'll gladly cook for my husband (in a very distant future, if I find someone who is okay with sharing a flat with 5 cats), as I already like to cook for people I love, but not if he takes it for granted and it's the only thing he marries me for. He starts doing that, he gets stomachaches quickly.