She wants to have a guy that goes above and beyond for her. Like rom-cons teach you that they guy will plan a song that will involve the town or idk wtf...
Not saying it is a logical way of thinking, but just saying that's probably where she got the idea
In modern times with the social focus on rape, harassment, and consent- we are all going to have to get used to giving up the idea of the convention as the male as the aggressor in courtship and the female as the pursued. Wether it’s an explicit no, or an implied disenterst, to pursue past that point that someone of any gender has made it clear your advances are unwanted is an especially dangerous and increasingly unacceptable thing. Part of a measure of whatever gender equality we are capable of achieving as a society will be to equalize the social norm on expected roles on courtships and relationships. So the days of games of cat and mouse may be coming to an end. But to all the alarmists- the sky is not falling. Remember that dating now is very different than it was in 1860, or even 1960, yet still very much the same. So it isn’t the end of the world or a liberal perversion of values- it’s just change. Things always change.
Even just playfully saying "you'll have to do better than just that" would be better than a flat out "no" if you want him to keep trying. If you tell a guy no you should expect him to back off. Not read your mind and try harder.
Yes. Honestly I did say no to my now husband a lot though. At the time though I really didn't want to date him nor be in a relationship eventhough I knew he was great. Eventually I was in a better place and we are now happily married. I have to say his persistent did gave him extra brownie points. But it was organic. I was not forcing for him to try harder.
Oh, absolutely. Context and background and even the behaviour of each individual after is all very important, and not something that can be summed up in text format.
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I do think there's always context for every situation. It isn't black and white because there's such things as tone of voice, body language, circumstances, etc.
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And, as such, there's circumstances where you say no, the other person may try again later, or another time, and that's not necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes it does the trick, sometimes not.
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But (for the sake of this post, not directed at your situation necessarily itsamemaria) if you say no you have to operate under the assumption they WILL take you at your word. And if someone says no to you, then you generally have to operate under the premise that any continued action on your part could potentially make them horrendously uncomfortable.
Yeah totally agree. To me is different because i knew I was not ready for it and that meant he would probably go away. He indeed dated someone else actually at least know of 1 lol. But we found eachother at the end. So yeah if you say no be prepared for them to move on.
Not saying it is a logical way of thinking, but just saying that's probably where she got the idea
OH GOD NO THE VALUES
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I do think there's always context for every situation. It isn't black and white because there's such things as tone of voice, body language, circumstances, etc.
'
And, as such, there's circumstances where you say no, the other person may try again later, or another time, and that's not necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes it does the trick, sometimes not.
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But (for the sake of this post, not directed at your situation necessarily itsamemaria) if you say no you have to operate under the assumption they WILL take you at your word. And if someone says no to you, then you generally have to operate under the premise that any continued action on your part could potentially make them horrendously uncomfortable.
Also women: No means yes.
Tv Directors: dead?