Personally I find it creepy as hell for a total stranger to ask for my number. Hell no. Email maybe, but not my number. Also, it's highly inappropriate for a TSA agent to make that kind of move while working, it can get into sketchy abuse of authority territory really fast (not saying he was abusing, but to cover his own butt he should be more careful)
Okayyyy, and then you just expect him to email you, asking for a date? That's even more awkward than talking to someone over the phone in such situation. And okay, you find it creepy for people to approach you, would you prefer for people to just leave you completely alone, and you having to try to approach people yourself if you want anything to happen?
This is exactly what the post is about, how is the other person EVER in a winning situation. If guys want to approach women, and a lot of them do, what the hell do you want them to do? From your words it seems to just bugger off and leave women alone.
Which is not going to happen.
(Also, yes, I just assumed things, I assumed the most common and possible situation, come at me)
Alright, I think everyone is just a little defensive about this, so let's try to take a step back and evaluate this in a way that is fair and balanced.
Everyone: Don't pursue romantic relationships when you are on the clock, don't pursue romantic relationships with some else who is on the clock. This is especially true for certain professions. Anyone in an authoritative position, its immediately uncomfortable as we are expected to listen to you and romantic relationships should be based on equal standing. For anyone in a service position, its immediately uncomfortable for them as part of their job is to be nice to us.
Women: Cut men a break. Obviously its important to expect respect but asking for your number isn't disrespectful. As long as he is otherwise respectful, just decline politely.
Men: Please remember that women face the world differently than you do. You may be a nice guy, but there are guys who seem nice and invite you to dinner and then choke you during sex.
No, I expect to exchange emails and actually get to know him a little before going out on a date. Seriously, how is that such a crazy concept? I would rather be alone than stuck with a creep who can't accept boundries and have to constantly change my number. I never said they can't approach women, just don't expect women to hand over private personal information within seconds of meeting.
Cont. And women don't want to give out their numbers to strangers because some men are assholes who will use that number to harass you, and women don't want to change their number.
My best advice to guys out there, struggling to pursue women successfully: Don't ask for her number to start a conversation. Start a conversation. Pay her a compliment, about something other than appearance if possible. Comment on the weather, bring up something situationally relevant such as "I hate how this bus stop is always so crowded at this time" but avoid asking questions about where she is going/how often she comes here as most women find that creepy. If she seems open to your conversation, then maybe ask for her number, or even better, offer her yours. You could also suggest you could perhaps get a coffee sometime, as this is usually an acceptable "make a date with a stranger" plan. If she doesn't seem interested in the conversation, she probably doesn't want to exchange numbers or go on a date.
@celticrose If a man asked for your number, politely, would you be willing to give him your email? Because I 100% understand not wanting to give out your number, but I also would never ask for an email as I rarely communicate in this fashion and I am certain I am not alone in this.
Personally, I think social platforms which allow people to be blocked would be a good way to get to know each other. But also, I would probably just go on a coffee date someplace public and go from there. That's me though, and I get why this is not always the best option for everyone.
Using email for personal correspondences is near universally considered to be obsolete in the face of stuff like Kik, messenger, Snapchat, discord, or any other of the hundreds of functional messaging apps and systems that exist.
Emails are basically business-only nowadays and most people only use personal emails to confirm new accounts or reset passwords unless they are expecting something specific like a purchase confirmation or package tracking
@bethorien I think this may be true to some extent, but I don't think its universally true. I think some people still use email correspondence, and I don't see a problem with that. Almost everyone has an email address, and you can easily get emails to your phone for convenience.
if you hand out your email to someone when they ask for a phone number or whatsapp or whateverthebizzle they will likely just look at you weird and never message you.
Obviously I would tell them I don't give out my number to strangers. If they have a problem with that, too bad, and I wouldn't want to deal with someone that narrow minded. Personally, I have actual death threats against me because I put a man away for the rest of his miserable life. I'm not obligated to give my information to ANYONE, nor am I do desperate to have a man, that I would compromise my personal safety and security just so not to risk offending a stranger. Been there, done that, and still have the literal scars to remind me.
Regardless of my personal feelings on the matter I try and respect everyone's point of view. The only thing I really hate is when someone curses you out and tell you to shut up. No room for people like that. It's childish, no help to anyone, and just rediculous.
Also I think it's kind of funny that a guest posted this. Could be a genuine post, sjw politics can be interesting. Maybe troll trying to start a fight? Maybe logged out so they could remain anonymous? I digress, let the arguments continue lol.
I agree that it's unfair to suggest than men aren't harrassed, because they 100% are and that is definitely not addressed enough. However, I don't believe that saying women have to be on the lookout because some men are assholes is the same as saying men don't face harassment. The fact remains that a man is likely (statistically) to be stronger than a woman. And this means that women are more likely to face a threat to their safety than men are. That being the case, all harassment still needs to be taken seriously as women are 100% capable of doing real damage to men, especially men who are unwilling to fight back.
The difference being that when a man faces a threat to their safety from a woman it's more likely to be fatal as they are far more likely to bring a weapon such as a knife
Excuse me, what? A threat to a man by a woman is more likely to be fatal? In what universe do you live, because that is 100% false. The number one cause of death for women are men.
if a man is being harassed and assaulted by a woman the woman is more likely to bring a weapon. Said weapon makes it more likely that the man will die on average than the inverse situation where it is more likely that the woman will get the shit beaten out of her but live as they did not get stabbed or shot. The chances that a women takes a weapon to harass and assault a man is multiple times higher than the chances that a man does the samw ehn harassing and assaulting a woman.
also "the number one cause of death for women are men" is just stupidly wrong. being killed by another person as a whole doesnt even break the top ten causes of death in women. 40%ish of deaths in women are heart disease and cancer.
If you are going to make a point dont go spouting bullshit statistics that arent even close to true and maybe use some critical thinking skills before calling a logical statistic based in fact bullshit and maybe do some actual research on the topic before failing to contribute
Because men are more likely to attack women. However, when a woman attacks a man it is more likely to be fatal.
It's like how you are more likely to die in a car crash (because there are many of them) however a plane crash is more likely to be fatal (less people survive the average plane crash per passengers than people who survive the average car crash per passengers).
Being downvotes for being objectively correct with the stats to back it up, the site is really just as full of shitbag idiots as it was before Zeus left
@bethorien please calm down. Yes, people downvote things for bad reasons. Yes, it has always been that way. But most of this community is made of users who want to see good on the site. Please remember that. When you get angry you sometimes get hostile in a way that makes other who haven't done anything wrong upset
Like 90% of users are bots that aren't capable of motivation or opinions. The remaining bit is mostly idiots and trolls with a small portion being people that are actually worth mentioning.
Yeah I think people are making dumb generalizations and then walking away. Because it seems more women do end up being killed by men in the grand scope of things, which makes the percentages seem a bit off despite them being correct.
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By this I mean let's say there are 15 attacks on men, and in 13 out of 15 encounters of a woman attacking a man ended in a fatality for the man.
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And then we say there's 90 attacks of men on women, 60 of which end in a fatality for the women.
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So according to these stats, yes, more women are dying, but more women are also more likely to kill *when they're the aggressor.*
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But people hear "men get killed by women more than women do by men" and they immediately write it off.
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Bearing in mind I pulled every single number in this example out of my ass to try and make the point.
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Aside from that I have noticed there are a lot more people with delicate sensitivities or just chaotic tendencies on the website lately. It can be annoying, but I wouldn't..
... let it get to you too much, bethorien. A week or two ago I could barely make a comment without it getting downvoted. And I've seen a lot of insta-downvoting lately as well, or even targeted downvoting. Just idjits with too much time on their hands incapable of actually providing anything by way of intelligence
If you hate life as a woman so much there are ways of fixing that these days.
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From the guy's perspective: "this attractive woman smiled at me so I thought maybe she was approachable. I put myself on the line and asked for her number. She said no and posted a self-victimizing tweet about it. To live life as a man is to live life portrayed as the villain."
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Yes it can be awkward when people ask you out sometimes, and no he probably shouldn't do it when he's working, but in his mind he's probably never likely to see her again. it's a gamble. As long as he handles it like a mature adult (evidently she is incapable of reciprocity in this event) there's no reason it should be made into a big deal.
Did you seriously, SERIOUSLY just try to equate being asked to give a phone number to being raped and murdered? Or that saying it's ridiculous to publicly label yourself a victim for the same incident is on par with saying that it's okay to rape and kill? That this is even remotely the same fight? Surely you cannot be that dense. But you're making this comment... so maybe I'm giving you ENTIRELY too much credit.
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Then again, you have a point, because, as we ALL know, there has never been a man raped or killed in the entire history of ever. Never happened. Women are the only ones who have ever been the victims of anything, and it's always at the hands of men, therefore hold the entire gender accountable because my poor sensitivities have been triggered. This would be funny if it weren't so horrendously sad.
how is a guy supposed to win? well not by asking women for their numbers DURING WORKING HOURS AS A TSA AGENT i mean JESUS
do you even understand how creepy is it if someone who has acces to your personal information (id cards, people. id cards.) starts flirting? what are you gonna do? say no and risk offending the person who is just holding your id card and has the power to do a full cavity search on you? say yes and give a complete stranger your phone number so he can add it to the collection of your personal information he already has?
the world isn't so fucking tiny and small you can't get a date without trying it on with people you encounter professionaly, while you work, in a position of power and authority, no less. men who try to pull this sort of shit should ask themselves why do they have to resort to such methods in the first place.
Definitely weird to just out of the blue ask for a number while you're working. Now, if he'd been like, a bouncer and they were chatting for a while, sure but yeah, just out of the blue is kinda weird.
It clearly is. @gloriouslypurposed has been all over this post being seriously extreme to side of women being the victims.
And, the point here is fair. Women often don't feel it is safe to say no in circumstances like this because that has in fact ended poorly. That's why the fake numbers are a good idea. Is it a dick move to give someone a number that will play the John cena thing at them, maybe. But it's a better option than pissing off a stranger in a dark bar. And yeah, it's a TSA agent who definitely has the power to strip search you behind closed doors so, I get why you might be afraid to say no. But this would be a different post if it read
"I smiled at a TSA agent today and he asked for my number. I didn't want to give out my number, but I was also afraid to say "no". I did politely tell him no, and nothing came of it. #thankgodthisonewasn'tabadguy"
I get that you have a character limit, but there are still options.
Personally, I don't get the need to tweet about this in the first place, honestly. I mean, my biggest issue is the fact he was on the job, so maybe "how about NOT hitting on women while on duty Mr. TSA". If he'd pressed the issue, sure, okay, I see the point in posting about it, but despite agreeing with the general idea of her post, I don't see the point in POSTING it, if that makes sense.
Sidenote: I may not be expressing myself very clearly due to severe lack of sleep and having been in severe pain for a few days, now on meds, so sorry.
I definitely wouldn't have posted about it, but I also don't see a problem with posting a out it in and of itself. I think the problem is her post implies it is wrong to ask for a women's number and it really isn't. She might now give it to you, and it would be wrong to act as though you are entitled to it, but it isn't wrong to ask. He shouldn't have asked on the clock, but that's not the same issue.
Honestly, I think it would be fine to post a bit this (differently) as a means of expressing "this happened and I felt uncomfortable " Fro example. "I smiled at a TSA agent today a d he asked for my number. It was immediately uncomfortable as he is in a position of authority and I felt this could be threatening. #PleaseDon't hit on women while in uniform."
Exactly, its how she presented it. It could have actually been a learning experience, because obviously, a lot of people don't consider that aspect, but instead she went the drama queen route that just comes off as abrasive and vaguely vapid
This is exactly what the post is about, how is the other person EVER in a winning situation. If guys want to approach women, and a lot of them do, what the hell do you want them to do? From your words it seems to just bugger off and leave women alone.
Which is not going to happen.
(Also, yes, I just assumed things, I assumed the most common and possible situation, come at me)
Everyone: Don't pursue romantic relationships when you are on the clock, don't pursue romantic relationships with some else who is on the clock. This is especially true for certain professions. Anyone in an authoritative position, its immediately uncomfortable as we are expected to listen to you and romantic relationships should be based on equal standing. For anyone in a service position, its immediately uncomfortable for them as part of their job is to be nice to us.
Women: Cut men a break. Obviously its important to expect respect but asking for your number isn't disrespectful. As long as he is otherwise respectful, just decline politely.
Men: Please remember that women face the world differently than you do. You may be a nice guy, but there are guys who seem nice and invite you to dinner and then choke you during sex.
My best advice to guys out there, struggling to pursue women successfully: Don't ask for her number to start a conversation. Start a conversation. Pay her a compliment, about something other than appearance if possible. Comment on the weather, bring up something situationally relevant such as "I hate how this bus stop is always so crowded at this time" but avoid asking questions about where she is going/how often she comes here as most women find that creepy. If she seems open to your conversation, then maybe ask for her number, or even better, offer her yours. You could also suggest you could perhaps get a coffee sometime, as this is usually an acceptable "make a date with a stranger" plan. If she doesn't seem interested in the conversation, she probably doesn't want to exchange numbers or go on a date.
Personally, I think social platforms which allow people to be blocked would be a good way to get to know each other. But also, I would probably just go on a coffee date someplace public and go from there. That's me though, and I get why this is not always the best option for everyone.
Emails are basically business-only nowadays and most people only use personal emails to confirm new accounts or reset passwords unless they are expecting something specific like a purchase confirmation or package tracking
also "the number one cause of death for women are men" is just stupidly wrong. being killed by another person as a whole doesnt even break the top ten causes of death in women. 40%ish of deaths in women are heart disease and cancer.
If you are going to make a point dont go spouting bullshit statistics that arent even close to true and maybe use some critical thinking skills before calling a logical statistic based in fact bullshit and maybe do some actual research on the topic before failing to contribute
It's like how you are more likely to die in a car crash (because there are many of them) however a plane crash is more likely to be fatal (less people survive the average plane crash per passengers than people who survive the average car crash per passengers).
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By this I mean let's say there are 15 attacks on men, and in 13 out of 15 encounters of a woman attacking a man ended in a fatality for the man.
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And then we say there's 90 attacks of men on women, 60 of which end in a fatality for the women.
'
So according to these stats, yes, more women are dying, but more women are also more likely to kill *when they're the aggressor.*
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But people hear "men get killed by women more than women do by men" and they immediately write it off.
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Bearing in mind I pulled every single number in this example out of my ass to try and make the point.
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Aside from that I have noticed there are a lot more people with delicate sensitivities or just chaotic tendencies on the website lately. It can be annoying, but I wouldn't..
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From the guy's perspective: "this attractive woman smiled at me so I thought maybe she was approachable. I put myself on the line and asked for her number. She said no and posted a self-victimizing tweet about it. To live life as a man is to live life portrayed as the villain."
'
Yes it can be awkward when people ask you out sometimes, and no he probably shouldn't do it when he's working, but in his mind he's probably never likely to see her again. it's a gamble. As long as he handles it like a mature adult (evidently she is incapable of reciprocity in this event) there's no reason it should be made into a big deal.
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Then again, you have a point, because, as we ALL know, there has never been a man raped or killed in the entire history of ever. Never happened. Women are the only ones who have ever been the victims of anything, and it's always at the hands of men, therefore hold the entire gender accountable because my poor sensitivities have been triggered. This would be funny if it weren't so horrendously sad.
do you even understand how creepy is it if someone who has acces to your personal information (id cards, people. id cards.) starts flirting? what are you gonna do? say no and risk offending the person who is just holding your id card and has the power to do a full cavity search on you? say yes and give a complete stranger your phone number so he can add it to the collection of your personal information he already has?
the world isn't so fucking tiny and small you can't get a date without trying it on with people you encounter professionaly, while you work, in a position of power and authority, no less. men who try to pull this sort of shit should ask themselves why do they have to resort to such methods in the first place.
Yeah, because nothing bad ever happened to a woman after doing that.
And, the point here is fair. Women often don't feel it is safe to say no in circumstances like this because that has in fact ended poorly. That's why the fake numbers are a good idea. Is it a dick move to give someone a number that will play the John cena thing at them, maybe. But it's a better option than pissing off a stranger in a dark bar. And yeah, it's a TSA agent who definitely has the power to strip search you behind closed doors so, I get why you might be afraid to say no. But this would be a different post if it read
"I smiled at a TSA agent today and he asked for my number. I didn't want to give out my number, but I was also afraid to say "no". I did politely tell him no, and nothing came of it. #thankgodthisonewasn'tabadguy"
I get that you have a character limit, but there are still options.
Sidenote: I may not be expressing myself very clearly due to severe lack of sleep and having been in severe pain for a few days, now on meds, so sorry.
Honestly, I think it would be fine to post a bit this (differently) as a means of expressing "this happened and I felt uncomfortable " Fro example. "I smiled at a TSA agent today a d he asked for my number. It was immediately uncomfortable as he is in a position of authority and I felt this could be threatening. #PleaseDon't hit on women while in uniform."