yeah me too....i'm actually sobbing. makes me remember my bff that blew his brains out in the bathroom of a convenience store. i was so sad and MAD at the same time. how could he think that we wouldn't care? how could he not care about leaving us behind with this stuck in our heads forever? i drive by that convenience store almost everyday and every time i remember. he wrote his goodbyes on old lottery ticket stubs. how is that even fair? AND i blame myself b/c on the day he took his life, 2 hours before he did it he called and i didn't answer! i didn't answer bc i was with my new boyfriend and I was selfish! i wanted some alone time with this new bf that didn't even last! i was gonna call back but i didn't do it in time! and here i am, left with nothing but "what if i would have answered?!" every-single-fucking-time i pass that damn convenience store.
if you want to give your life up....give it up to something. (ie-church, charity, the poor, children, something helpful and useful and that will make you feel better). don't leave us behind with the pain! the guilt! the longing! the resentment! yes, i resent the fact that he left us behind with the feeling that we could have done something but were too late or not enough. is that evil/bad? idk...but its how i feel.
I'm sorry for what happened to you but it really isn't your fault it's best not to think what if because it will destroy you in the process. Just try to think about the happy times with him. Id like to think he's in a better place now a place where he is happy.
at this point, it doesn't matter how i feel. you gotta move on and i honestly do not think he is in a happy place. (i think most of you know that i am not religious but i do believe in a higher power that does not necessarily intervene.) i think since he took his life in his lowest of low, that his soul is stuck in that sadness and despair. [there are reasons as to why i think this but if i go on, y'all will think i'm cucu-for-coacoa-puffs.]
My best friend used to talk like this, I told her I would never forgive her if she ever committed suicide and that it would basically ruin my own life.
In addition, if you need someone to talk to who won't judge you for your problems well before it gets to this stage of things, I like http://www.blahtherapy.com .
You can pay $25/hr for a licensed therapist or talk to a (vetted) stranger for free. Sometimes having someone to listen who has no preconceived notions about you and just wants to help is the greatest thing in the world.
My high school was known as "Suicide High" and I was almost one of those statistics. After I graduated I got involved with suicide prevention programs. It's a topic close to my heart. No one should ever feel like they have no options, but if they do, they should also know there is help out there.
I really want to cry right now. I've had at least 3(maybe more that I don't know about) friends attempt suicide. I feel horrible knowing that I wasn't doing enough to help them
I'm not suicidal but I always think what people will do if I die, if they will miss me or not. And this made me feel like they would. It made me happier.
Can I make a confession? I know no one will believe this but....
Me, Miss Sass, almost killed herself at 16
After my molestation, I became very distant and I avoided contact with everyone. My grades were slipping.
My parents, Indian as they were, thought the best way to respond was to yell at me, shame me, and force me to study instead of be social, where I could've reached out for help
In India, no one would've heard my plea (in its society, both rape and suicide are looked on as shameful for the victim)
But, I realized through my own that I couldn't give up. I wanted to make people happy and how could I do that if I was sad?
Sorry. *end rant*
Kissmysass your comment made me cry a bit more than the actual post! Why did you say sorry! The only reason I could possibly think of to be sorry would be that I'm crying. I'm glad you didn't end your life. You seem so awesome, honest, and overall like a great person! :)
Sass you are awesome. That's a horrible thing you had to go through especially because you couldn't tell anybody. Why do they blame the victim of that kind of stuff in India?
This helps me. This helps me so much. I know you guys have a great website and are all pretty relaxed. But I tried. I tried killing myself because there was no end to the self hate. I saw day after day being something to endure not to live. Thanks for making this post. Thanks for showing me who i'd have affected. This means more to me than anyone may ever know. I am sobbing because if you die you wont experience. If you kill yourself you will miss out. To those that want to die so desperately, stop. Stop your crying, stop thinking you will never be good enough. It will get better, I know it will. I have lived to see this truth. Please, I am begging you. You are worth so much and do not let go. You got this.
*sobs* your comment... You are so great awkwardderp. I'm going to remember this! I'm so glad you stopped. Everyone is worth living. You have showed me that! Words can't describe how much your comment touched my heart...
I was there, many years ago. Trying to deal with a severe depression, fighting with the girlfriend, can't get a job, overdue bills, etc. Life just dropped a ton of bricks on me and it kept getting worse. Decided ending it to end the pain. Had a sawed off 12 gauge loaded with 00 buckshot in my mouth and my finger on the trigger, maybe 4 ounces of pressure before the gun went off, when I had an epiphany that was very much like this post. I sat there for maybe 20-30 minutes with the gun in my mouth thinking about friends and family and that maybe my suicide would cause far more pain to others than it would cure for me. I changed my mind, figuring why not give it another day, another week, maybe a month.
Now: I've married the girlfriend, bought a house, have a great job, and I am an uncle to children from both of her sisters. Participating in their growing up has given me untold joy in life that I almost missed.
Can you imagine how many people you think about killing themselves on a daily basis...? I was one of those people, asking people what would they do without me because my existence doesn't really matter, until i started back to my Cannabis.. Don't judge me yet... I started back because this is what calms me the most and let's me actually think about things in a clearer view (crazy, right?) And i started thinking about how the ones who love me would feel and how i would feel if they committed suicide... Instead of my thoughts racing they were slowed and i actually thought them through.. I'm not trying to influence anybody to start smoking cannabis I'm just saying, find something (safe) that calms you greatly and actually think before you do..
My best friend hung himself from the lamp post that we used to play by a little over two years ago... It was the worst thing I ever went through. I was the one who found his body hanging there while I was walking to school... I didn't even realize it was him until I looked at the cross necklace hanging around his neck... I'm crying so hard right now
Honestly, it was so hard, but I was also suicidal and knowing how it affected me, I couldn't do it to anyone else. It was, in a sense, my life saving moment and I finally found my path
My two best friends tried to kill themselves. At First I thought it was my fault. I tried everything to help them. But they didn't want my help. I think thats why I became like they are. I got my own Problems to suffer with. So We lost contact. And I hope they are better now...
I can really relate to this. I myself had contemplated it for a bit, but I asked myself the same question. What would killing myself do? I die, nothing changes about the reality of pain. I left the Earth for another kid behind me to think about killing his/herself. I have lots of friends with issues as well. One of my friends suffers from depression, another is bulimic and severely image-conscious. It makes me sad that people experience this, but that's the way life is. My job is to be the ears that hear them, the arms that are open to them, and the mouth that speaks encouragement to them. Sometimes I'm ashamed of myself for almost committing suicide, I was weak. But I didn't and now I'm stronger :)
That was the most touching thing ever...so dont you dare kill yourself. Cos no matter how bad things seem believe there could be something better and reach for it!
Thank you Fun Substance, today, you prevented my girlfriend from committing suicide. She was literally moments from killing herself when I read out this entire picture. It saved her life. Thank you.
This is how much difference a little thing like telling them you care can make to someone considering suicide.
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· 11 years ago
I appreciate this post so much, in Year 7 and 8 I was bullied by many people, had many self esteem issues, rumours being spread about me, and every night, I would cry myself to sleep, and just say i want to die, i don't see the point of living anymore. thanks to things like this and people like the ones in this comments section, I got back up onto my feet and learned to ignore those people and to keep me head up, even in the worst times.
This post got me to tears... i used to have a friend, who cut herself and after her boyfriend broke up with her, she became suicidal. I'm glad she never did, eventhough we aren't in contact anymore.
I've never thought about suicide before....but if things get hard to the point of suicide....I never ever want to take my own life, especially after reading this.
Guys. I know this post is old now, but reading all these comments just make me so much happier that we are all one big funsubstance community. *hugs for everyone*
seeing this again, after all this time, it still hits me hard. i smiled at the replies that my comment from almost a year ago recieved. i'd never said anything at the time, but i had attempted suicide just a few weeks before and seeing this post and the comments so soon after, made me so thankful that things had not gone as planned.
This is my favourite post on fs. I'll admit I've tried. Three times. And I'm still here. But this... reading all these comments is painful. Just tonight, one of my closest friends tried to kill himself. And I wasn't there to stop him. I feel damn awful about it, and I didn't hurt myself even though I still really want to. I feel like it's my fault. I've gone through so much, just like everyone else here. And now I feel closer to you guys. This post saved a lot of lives. Including mine. Sk thank you.
Gottalovepotter, you are my favirote user on here. You are so supportive of everyone else even though you are going through difficult situations yourself. Even though you have never talked to me specifically, your comments make me genuinely happy. Keep it up girl.
Oh my gosh I like.
honestly teared up at this. Thank you. So much. I think one of the only reasons I'm still actually alive is because I help people. And even save myself, helping you guys is worth it to me.
Thank you, so much. I jut want to help people, you know? And I just. I feel so worthless all the time, and I hate for anyone else to have to feel the way I feel. Because it's awful. So, I just... try to help.
Yeah, I have thought about what some of you said. All of you are so supportive! Thank you so so much. That's really why I came here for help, I know some of you guys have had some of your own problems, so I figured it would be okay for me to come to you.
I haven't done it since that day, but it's hard. And I'm finding that every tiny thing is bothering me now that I haven't been releasing it through... Well, yeah.
It's really, really hard. I know. But we're here for you, okay? And two of my really close friends do it... I've gotten them both to stop, even for a while. Edit: And yeah, you're right. Every little thing is going to bother you, and that's what you're going to want to do. But you won't. Because you'll come here, or you'll talk to someone, or you'll do something That stops you. Did you flush away all the blades like I told you?
Uhh... No, not yet. I only have one little pencil sharpener I took apart but every time I see a blade in science... I'm tempted to just slip one into my pocket.
I tell myself not to, that it's wrong and messes up but the voices just win sometimes.
I really appreciate what you're doing, thank you. Again.
Of course. I'm always glad to help. Now what I want you to do next is going to be very, very hard. I'm going to have you tell someone in the class, okay? Someone you trust enough to confide about this. And tell them what's going on, what you're thinking of doing, and have them stop you. Make them check you every time you go to leave, but don't lie to them.
I have friends in that class, close friends. They know I have anxiety and I think they suspect in the depression, I love them and sometimes they are the only thing that has stopped me from taking my own life... But I'm not really comfortable telling them... Like what do I say? 'I'm addicted to making holes in my skin'?
I feel like if I told them then everything in our friendship would be different. And I don't want that.
Would your friendship be deeper and more caring for each other (mutually) because of this sharing of personal information or do you think they would retreat because of the awkwardness of the situation?
Nothing would be differnet, not really. It may be a bit uncomfortable, but it'll be good after a while. Trust me. And just... sat what you think you should. but you have to tell someone, make sure you don't get hurt. Like a security guard. And if you don't know what to say, just tell them. "I need your help with something. I have a habit and I'm trying to stop, but I need you to make sure I stay away from any blades in the class." And hopefully they won't ask too many questions.
Second option. Really, I don't know how they would react but I think everything will change if I tell them. I think they would retreat, I really don't want what we have to end.
So I cut myself pretty badly on Friday night. And Saturday (yesterday) was rough. I drank a little and scared a lot of people. Today was shitty, too. And I was going to... do shit or whatever. But I came back and read this, like I do almost every night. And I haven't done anything (Yet). But I came back and read this, and it stopped me yet again from killing myself. Please stay strong, you guys.
Goddamnit potter, please don't hurt yourself. I'm not gonna tell you you're beautiful or you're perfect or all that fluff, but I will say you've made my FS experience richer with your comments and viewpoints and being here. Losing you would make FS quite a bit less fun so...yeah.
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Why'd you do it?
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Even though us people on FS are just electrons and photons to you, I at least care enough that I'd feel really bad if you (and anyone else) were to be hurt.
Oh my god /no/
You have been so supportive of me when I was cutting. I have cut /once/ since you helped. My mum found out literally 5 minutes ago, and I'm freaking out.
Please don't ever do it again, please. I'm here for you.
I started tearing up. I won't lie to you.
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Just a lot going on. I mean it was nothing. I don't really know why I did iT. Just to do something, I guess. If my depression gets really bad and I can't talk to Angel, I... well. You don't need to hear everything. Point is I'm fine now. I was going to cut in the shower tonight, too. I did it on Wednesday and Thursday, too, but it bled a lot Friday and I figured if I did it tonight it would bleed a lot. So I didn't, because it was hard enough Friday.
You know how some names just stick with you for whatever reason? Someone was amusing, stupid, smart, kind, or whatever? You're one of those names that stick with me. Bookhoarder, sherloki, shadowqueen, tara, mgoveia, and xboxgogo to name some others. If any of these or other names disappeared, it just wouldn't seem right to allow myself to even smile at FS anymore because you people are probably the closest thing I have to Internet friends and losing you would make the Internet more of a memorial of a friend than a place to look up gay midget porn or giggle over fandoms or snicker at clever comments.
GLP. I just gotta say. I love you.
And I mean it. -not in a romantic way though- If you ever leave FS or just like /leave/ I am going to be so.... Upset. As tylerchu said, it all just would not be the same without you.
No. You are /so/ much more than that. You are you. I'm not going to go into how wonderful you are -also as tylerchu has said- but you are so important. You may have saved so many people's lives just through support through FS. And I don't even know about your life outside FS. I feel like I'm repeating myself now, just ugh. GLP, you are so important to not only me but so many other users on here.
You saved /me/.
Let me tell you a thing:
I go to a private girls school, and they are very much about 'kindness' and 'thinking about others' (I personally think they take it overboard but anyway). My principal told us this story that really stuck with me:
"There was once a man, walking along a beach. The sand was scattered with starfish, drying up and dying in the heat. The man passed a little girl on his walk and she was throwing starfish back into the ocean- saving their lives. The girl picks up another starfish and the man asks her 'why do you do this? You can't possibly save them all' the girl looks at the man and throws the next starfish into the water. 'I may not be making a difference for the entire starfish population' she picks up another one and pointedly throws it into the ocean, 'but I made a difference for /that/ one' ".
I think it's a beautiful story. In my eyes, you are like the little girl, doing your best and saving everyone you can :)
For me it's not that you've saved people. It's as you said, the occasional witty comment. At some point, something you said must have made me look at your name and want to remember it. Or maybe it's just because I've seen your name so often. It's that stupid little thing that makes people memorable to each other.
Well then. *claps hands* Nothing more we can do except be here to let you vent. Remember, if you're at the point of suicide it means your life can't go much further downhill. This means though, there's so much room to go up. Suicide at this point doesn't keep things from getting worse; it can't get all that much worse. It does keep life from getting any bit better.
I go back and look at this post all the time. I love reading the comments on here. Sometimes it's the only thing that keeps me here, stops me from hurting myself. Thanks guys, and thanks to whoever it was that posted it. You may have saved my life.
This may have helped many people, but it doesn't help someone like me who has lost all of his "close" family members that even know him. Only friends were from high school which i haven spoken to them since then now its been years. No boyfriend or girlfriend, no pets either. So to me this just means nothing.
So you are saying you would rather this suicidal person stay alive and suffer just so you can feel better about yourself. Is that not completely selfish? If you have ever been suicidal, you know that all you can focus on is the negative; logical reasoning doesn't make a person feel better, just like you can't ignore a broken leg. Would you think badly of a person who had severe physical pain every day of their lives and wanted to just end it? Why should mental pain be any less significant? The reasons for not killing yourself shouldn't have to include pleasing other people.
so we're just suppose to sit there and let you kill yourself over 'whatever'?! sometimes when you are in your lowest of lows, you can not see anything else. sometimes someone that is not in the situation can see it clearer than you. sometimes it FEELS hopeless but it isn't really. so i (the person that loves/cherishes/wants you in my life) am supposed to just sit there and let/help you slit your wrists b/c you can't think clearly?! that makes what kind of sense?! that's like shooting the horse with a broken leg (which never made any fucking sense to me what so ever and i don't even like horses). i really hope that someone in this state of mind never comes to you for help. you are right: mental pain can be just as bad as physical. AND actually, i believe it is a hell of a lot worse. and anyone that has ever been in any kind of pain knows that it clouds your judgement! you do/say things you normally wouldn't. yes, if you can't think of any other reason to live....think about me! think
think about my love for you! think about how i want to share my life with you! think about how you mean the world to me! think about the pain you will leave me! because that is how much you matter! that is how much you are worth to me! because if you have nothing else to grasp i will be your life-saver-vest-thingy! FOR FUCKS SAKE! Go on somewhere with that diarrhea of the mouth!
Guest, you're right that *should* never be the only reason you're holding on.
BUT.
But if it keeps you around until you can find a better one? You hold onto those thoughts with both hands until your fingers go numb and you couldn't let go if you wanted to.
USA: 1-800-784-2433
Web: http://www.suicidehotlines.com
Canada: 1-800-448-1833
UK: 08457 90 90 90
France: 01 45 39 40 00
Web: http://suicide.ecoute.free.fr/
Australia: 1300 13 11 14
Web: http://www.lifeline.org.au
New Zealand: (9) 5222-999 within Auckland, 0800 111-777 outside Auckland
Web: http://www.lifeline.org.nz
Germany:
0800 - 111 0 111 (ev.) (protestant)
0800 - 111 0 222 (rk.) (roman catholic)
0800 - 111 0 333 (Kinder / Jugendliche) (for kids/teens)
Web: http://www.telefonseelsorge.de
Netherlands: 0900-1450 (workdays, 0900-1800 local (CET)) Web: http://www.korrelatie.nl
Belgium: 02 649 95 55 (24/7) Website: http://www.zelfmoordpreventie.be/index.php
You can pay $25/hr for a licensed therapist or talk to a (vetted) stranger for free. Sometimes having someone to listen who has no preconceived notions about you and just wants to help is the greatest thing in the world.
Me, Miss Sass, almost killed herself at 16
After my molestation, I became very distant and I avoided contact with everyone. My grades were slipping.
My parents, Indian as they were, thought the best way to respond was to yell at me, shame me, and force me to study instead of be social, where I could've reached out for help
In India, no one would've heard my plea (in its society, both rape and suicide are looked on as shameful for the victim)
But, I realized through my own that I couldn't give up. I wanted to make people happy and how could I do that if I was sad?
Sorry. *end rant*
"This is my family. I found it, all on my own. Is little, and broken, but still good. Yeah, still good."
Now: I've married the girlfriend, bought a house, have a great job, and I am an uncle to children from both of her sisters. Participating in their growing up has given me untold joy in life that I almost missed.
honestly teared up at this. Thank you. So much. I think one of the only reasons I'm still actually alive is because I help people. And even save myself, helping you guys is worth it to me.
I'd love to kik you, only I don't actually /have/ kik
I haven't done it since that day, but it's hard. And I'm finding that every tiny thing is bothering me now that I haven't been releasing it through... Well, yeah.
I tell myself not to, that it's wrong and messes up but the voices just win sometimes.
I really appreciate what you're doing, thank you. Again.
I feel like if I told them then everything in our friendship would be different. And I don't want that.
-
Why'd you do it?
-
Even though us people on FS are just electrons and photons to you, I at least care enough that I'd feel really bad if you (and anyone else) were to be hurt.
You have been so supportive of me when I was cutting. I have cut /once/ since you helped. My mum found out literally 5 minutes ago, and I'm freaking out.
Please don't ever do it again, please. I'm here for you.
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Just a lot going on. I mean it was nothing. I don't really know why I did iT. Just to do something, I guess. If my depression gets really bad and I can't talk to Angel, I... well. You don't need to hear everything. Point is I'm fine now. I was going to cut in the shower tonight, too. I did it on Wednesday and Thursday, too, but it bled a lot Friday and I figured if I did it tonight it would bleed a lot. So I didn't, because it was hard enough Friday.
And I mean it. -not in a romantic way though- If you ever leave FS or just like /leave/ I am going to be so.... Upset. As tylerchu said, it all just would not be the same without you.
but
but I'm not even that big a person. Sure I help people occasionally. What else am I good for, occasionally a witty comment?
Let me tell you a thing:
I go to a private girls school, and they are very much about 'kindness' and 'thinking about others' (I personally think they take it overboard but anyway). My principal told us this story that really stuck with me:
"There was once a man, walking along a beach. The sand was scattered with starfish, drying up and dying in the heat. The man passed a little girl on his walk and she was throwing starfish back into the ocean- saving their lives. The girl picks up another starfish and the man asks her 'why do you do this? You can't possibly save them all' the girl looks at the man and throws the next starfish into the water. 'I may not be making a difference for the entire starfish population' she picks up another one and pointedly throws it into the ocean, 'but I made a difference for /that/ one' ".
I think it's a beautiful story. In my eyes, you are like the little girl, doing your best and saving everyone you can :)
BUT.
But if it keeps you around until you can find a better one? You hold onto those thoughts with both hands until your fingers go numb and you couldn't let go if you wanted to.