That's hilarious but in all seriousness, I (personally) consider it as a sort of ownership. My father gave me that name. I don't need a man to take it away from me.
In a slightly less loaded way of putting it- the logic doesn't hold up, considering your father is a man, and if your mother didn't take your fathers name in marriage, she wouldn't have that name and have two names which you'd simply choose the name you wanted regardless of gender. As such in the same way you chose to take your fathers name, you could choose to take your husbands without anyone taking anything from you. But I'm not disagreeing with your stance. Women and men have every right to take or not take each other's names as they choose.
Thank you for backing me up. However I would consider my case ~somewhat~ different. My aunts on my mother's sides took their husband's names begrudgingly. My mother was eager to take my dad's last name and that's why I feel like I can really accept and own my last name. Because both of my parents wanted it. I'm also a lesbian and my future wife and I might hypenate or something of the sort. If I felt confident enough in her name I would gladly take it! However I just want people to know that you don't have to give away your last name. It's your choice and your choice alone!
We have no disagreement. It's a fundamental right of any sentient person or group of people to choose what they are called. To not abide this is a disrespect of their sovereignty as a thinking and feeling being.
I’d really like to hear the reasoning behind why men don’t give up their names and just take the woman’s.
Your argument is invalid. Pick whatever name you want y’all.
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I shall change my last name and my first name so that I can finally be Lord MountVesuviusTheAllPowerfulLeaderOfTheIslandNationOfBarbados
Excellent choice your lordship. And @punchmunckin I agree. As a society we aren't quite to the point where husbands taking wives last names or even women proposing isn't seen as out of the ordinary by most- but there's no reason people should t do what works best for them.
Hmmm.... in the interest of gender equality I have some ideas!
1. Whoever proposes- if the other accepts, they take the proposers last name. This is fair and also addresses the social bias that men in general are the ones to propose. You can always say no to a proposal and then propose yourself. This also mitigates the possible proposal stalemate that can occur if both parties are waiting for the other to propose.
2. We just start combining last names so both people change their names. You can link the family history through the last names, as well as their previous life- and it would make lots of hilarious combos. It would be odd at first but once our culture adapted these names would be normal.
3. Married couples- as a test- must choose a whole new last name for the new family they are starting. If they can't agree here, well...
4. Do whatever works for you. A name is a name and means more or less to some than others. It can be possessive, but it can also be symbolic. do you.
1) interesting idea but I'm afraid this could lead to people starting a "proposal race" to get to keep their name. Which could lead to hasty, unstable marriages or even fights.
Though your point about men being expected to propose is valid and should definitely be discussed, because this puts men under pressure of making their proposal "special", but special usually means in front of a crowd which then in turn puts women under pressure to say yes. Remember that Chinese diver who got proposed to after winning a medal? She said yes because she was under pressure from the crowd and cameras but then later changed her mind. This "men must propose" rule is good for nobody.
I like 2) but I like 3) even more. Thinking of a brand new surname could be a good test for the couple plus it could result in some really cool names, and it would give couples more creative freedom than 2) because they wouldn't be limited by their actual names but could still get inspired by them if they wanted.
we dont change name in where i am and i dont think changing name is possible at all
so i dont have to worry about it at all
unless i marry an outlander then id like to combine our last name and make both of our family members have difficulties pronouncing it :D (my family aint good at english and very few outlanders know vietnamese)
My mum didn't take my dad's last name. Also I'm not planning on taking my bf's name if we marry, cuz I like neither his nor mine, but I've gotten used to mine by now. It's a very rare one too. (Literal translation would be “country fellow“)
As a woman I've always felt kind of insulted that taking the man's surname is considered the default position, instead of just taking the nicer one. It's like your identity, your self, is being handed over to someone. You have to change the information in your legal documents, social media accounts, subscription services etc. and learn a new signature, all just because you don't have a penis. The connotation of ownership is especially strong in my language (Czech) and other Slavic languages, because the suffix at the end of a female surname is very similar to (or in other Slavic languages, even the same as) a possessive. So for example the wife of Mr. Johnson would be Mrs. Johnson's. There are some exceptions with surnames that would sound weird if a possessive was added but that's the general rule. So yeah, just take whichever sounds better or keep your own. Don't succumb to the status quo.
I’m confused on why this is so controversial, it’s really not a big deal, I’m not against the equal rights movement, and I don’t feel like taking the mans last name is either, it’s just how people used to do it when you would marry and use one last name as a union, and as the man is considered “the man of the house” that’s just how they did it, took the man’s, but if one wants to do it differently then It’s totally okay,
Your argument is invalid. Pick whatever name you want y’all.
1. Whoever proposes- if the other accepts, they take the proposers last name. This is fair and also addresses the social bias that men in general are the ones to propose. You can always say no to a proposal and then propose yourself. This also mitigates the possible proposal stalemate that can occur if both parties are waiting for the other to propose.
2. We just start combining last names so both people change their names. You can link the family history through the last names, as well as their previous life- and it would make lots of hilarious combos. It would be odd at first but once our culture adapted these names would be normal.
3. Married couples- as a test- must choose a whole new last name for the new family they are starting. If they can't agree here, well...
4. Do whatever works for you. A name is a name and means more or less to some than others. It can be possessive, but it can also be symbolic. do you.
Though your point about men being expected to propose is valid and should definitely be discussed, because this puts men under pressure of making their proposal "special", but special usually means in front of a crowd which then in turn puts women under pressure to say yes. Remember that Chinese diver who got proposed to after winning a medal? She said yes because she was under pressure from the crowd and cameras but then later changed her mind. This "men must propose" rule is good for nobody.
I like 2) but I like 3) even more. Thinking of a brand new surname could be a good test for the couple plus it could result in some really cool names, and it would give couples more creative freedom than 2) because they wouldn't be limited by their actual names but could still get inspired by them if they wanted.
so i dont have to worry about it at all
unless i marry an outlander then id like to combine our last name and make both of our family members have difficulties pronouncing it :D (my family aint good at english and very few outlanders know vietnamese)