Weight isn’t out of your control
Although it is incredibly hard to lose it and I understand there are people with eating disorders.
Though being obese is NEVER something you should be proud of
@creativedragonbaby- good question. It’s about comprehension really. Wether you sing or race cars or draw or play a sport or a musical instrument, whatever- you can always do better. As a human being, as a lover, a parent, a sibling, a friend, etc. you can always do better. Etc etc. For me, my motivation to change is a desire to grow, to do better, to learn, to explore the world and myself, to find the limits of my abilities and push them as far as I can. That doesn’t mean that I can’t be happy with myself or feel good about myself.
We can feel good about who we are at any moment without deciding that is who we will be forever. If you go to Disney Land and have a good time- most (non Disney nut) people would still eventually leave Disneyland even if they felt good about being there. People leave careers they are good at and feel good about- just because it’s time for a change or growth of a challenge.
Recognizing that being happy with who we are doesn’t mean wanting to be “stuck” and never grow or change or do better is a key. Certainly shame and misery can be a powerful motivator for many people- but it can also be something many people that causes them to shit down, give up. Change from negative motivation is also often traumatic- being physically healthy and mentally unhealthy... it’s debatable if that is better than being physically unhealthy but mentally well off. Personal preference- I’d rather be winded going up stairs than spend most of my life in a state of self hate or shame. But people don’t usually change unless they want to or they have to. It can’t be forced.
I know it hurts when someone tries to shame you, especially for something you cannot help. However, rather than lashing out at another person (even though they probably deserve it) just be grateful that they have tipped their hand. Now you know that they are shallow and hurtful and you don’t have to waste your time and energy with them.
Thank you. I disagree with the “wisdom” of this meme and agree with you. Hurting them back isn’t a way to make yourself feel better, you didn’t like being torn down and they don’t either. They’re less likely to learn empathy from you and more likely to just grow more hurt and unpleasant and so continue to hurt others. Be a bigger person. Show them, the world, and perhaps yourself if you are so sensitive about things- that you are much more than your height- that you stand tall where it matters, in character. Worthwhile partners will respond more to your inner character than superficial things like height. The type of person who attacks the insecurities of others generally isn’t a person who’s going to attract worthwhile people.
It’s completely not the same for starters- but making fun of a persons height is cruel and immature. Tall girls and women often get teased quite a bit since traditional gender ideas in most modern societies associate being tall with masculinity and men, and being shorter with femininity and women. For my shorter dudes out there- I’d advise you not to listen to this meme. TMS- tiny man syndrome- is something often used derisively to describe certain traits common to insecure, short men. Doing this- you’re playing to the stereotype of impotent, angry, petulant, tiny person. Don’t make yourself a stereotype and don’t help to validate the stereotype that will be used against your fellow shorter dudes.
Jason Stathem is 5’10” and shorter than Rosie Huntington-Whitley. John Legend is only 5’9”, sake higher as Tiegen in heels. Nicole Kidman Was married to Tom Cruise and Kieth Urban- both more petite men. Liv Tyler, Charlize Theron, Stacy Keibler, Hell- Tina Feys man is 5”2’. You’ve got men who are heart throbs and icons of modern manliness- Jason Stathem, Mark Wahlburg, Tom Cruise, Ethan Hawk, Mick Jagger- Danny Devito is under 5’ tall and has had a successful acting career and a 40+ year relationship with a loving partner despite not being generally seen as a looker AND being sub 5 feet tall. And it isn’t just his fame as his partner is famous too.
If you think you can’t find a partner because you’re short- you’re dead wrong. Your insecurity about your height may be sending signals you don’t realize or effecting your behavior in ways that put off partners- you know, those little things like watching a man get butt hurt and attack a woman on her weight are often off putting to other women or perhaps you are looking for the wrong type of partner, perhaps you’re being superficial and seeking superficial people, and would have more luck changing things up. It isn’t your height. Sometimes height can be a deal breaker- but (pre pandemic) you could walk around and even in public you’ll see lots of shorter guys doing just fine with dating.
Height DOES make a convenient excuse. I’m over 6 feet tall and 220 lbs of usually lean, but currently “winter chubby” weight lifter. If I got on a woman and get turned down I just have to admit she may think I’m ugly, or didn’t like my clothes, found me boring or not charismatic etc. she may just be polite and make some excuse- I was once told by a woman she doesn’t date men who use iPhones. Maybe true- probably there was more to it than my phone. That’s fine whatever her reason it wasn’t meant to be. I found someone else to date. But I suppose if one could just pin rejection or even the need for personal improvement on height- that would make things simpler.
I mean- you cant change your height can you? So if you’re a shorter man who’s not doing well in love- you have the option to tell yourself it isn’t you- it’s women, it’s society! You can shrug and say: “yeah, I’ve got my sh$t together. I’m interesting, funny, attractive, well groomed, kind, a real catch- and the only reason I can’t get someone is my height- and I ant change that, so no need to try anything different that would involve work or personal growth....”
My advice is- don’t do it. I know a guy- shorter. Barely 5 even. Handsome guy- most women I’ve spoken to think so ever since we were young. Well groomed. Smart. Funny, kind, interesting, well traveled, makes good money, very fit- always was in good shape. Came from a well off family and always had nice clothes and cars and money to spend. And he was chronically romantically dry for most of his youth.
He thought it was height. He’d make it a point to only try and date women his height or shorter- always complain it was hard to even find potential dates because his dating pool of sub 5 foot women wasn’t exactly huge in our small town. It took him into his 30’s to develop the confidence and get mostly past his own insecurities on his height. Before that he’d find wonderful, attractive women who genuinely wanted to be with him and he’d act... weird... because he was so hung yo they were taller. And that feeling of awkwardness was often one of the roots of the dissolution.
But the two real culprits? He was too damn “nice” and too damn passive. He rarely made a move, rarely went for what he wanted or make it known that he wanted to be anything more than friends with a women until she’s already started to think of him as a friend. He’d start out well- but he wouldn’t leave any question that he wanted to be more than friends- he’d close that door himself because he was afraid and the classic “nice guy” move is to try and use friendship as a door to romance.
There’s nothing wrong with being friends before dating- and it is often better to start as friends. But generally speaking you have to leave the door open to romance- there has to be a seed of it there which you cultivate as you get to know each other, doing everything 100% platonically for months or years and then trying to leap to romance is usually jarring.
It was never his height. Did some girls not look at him like that or turn him down because he wasn’t tall enough? Sure. Girls who weren’t right for him. He has a wonderful wife who isn’t a giant but is a little taller than him- and I can’t honestly say I think any of those other girls who wouldn’t date him because of his height would have made better partners. Your height may cost you an occasional date- it will almost never cost you a worthwhile romance- and if you are consistently striking out- it isn’t your height.
Ever met someone who only dates a certain race, or only dates men who are older or women who are younger etc? Ever met someone who doesn’t like dating really beefy guys or really lanky guys? Short guys- would you date a bald woman?
There are some thing we can’t change, some things that are very hard to change- if she wants green eyed babies and you ain’t got the genes- you’re out of luck wether you’re 4”2’ or 7” tall- unless you offer enough of a package she’s willing to give that up for what you offer. End of the day if she’s set on green eyed babies- if you can’t supply the genes you need to move on. It doesn’t diminish you that you don’t have green eyes. It’s how you are. Be you, be the best you that you can be. No man has everything that every woman he could ever want will be attracted to.
If you wallow in negativity, if you are a negative person, petty, small inside- you might have better luck dating at 6 feet plus- but you’re going to largely attract women who are small and petty inside. Do you find it attractive when women shame men? Then why would other women find it attractive when you shame a woman? If you want to resort to petty name calling- it isn’t your height that will make you look like a child, it’s your attitude. Be a man, you don’t have to be a tall Man just be a man.
Both is bad! How about that. Also sometimes weight isn’t something you can change. I myself have hypothyroidism, and despite going to he gym everyday and barely eating, I only gain weight.
Although it is incredibly hard to lose it and I understand there are people with eating disorders.
Though being obese is NEVER something you should be proud of