Oh boy

Done! Unfortunately absolutely everything you absorb for its powers tastes like rotten milk… every time you use the power.
I wanna be able to change my appearance at will.

Granted, however you can't control the scale and will be any size between 1" and 20' each time you use it.

Your inability to see the negative means you never put the batteries in the right way.

you fiend!

I'm sure you'd be very upset about that if you were'nt such a compulsive positive thinker.

*you friend!

You take everything literally and constantly feel like you are being attacked.
I absorb the misery and suffering of millions leaving them slightly happier but none the worse,, and giving me eternal life, health and depression.
coolaspink · 3 days ago
You must also take care of an immortal, immoral goose.
I shall name him Al Abastard and have him for Thanksgiving dinner every year. Damn I miss turkey.

You must also take care of an immortal, immoral goose.
I wish to speak all languages I've heard fluently.

For some reason, you can't stop throwing vulgarities into otherwise innocuous sentences every time you speak one of these languages.
I want the ability to create extradimensional pockets out of thin air

The method of doing so will always be the least convenient for the situation you wanna make it in, and will always require slightly more effort than you anticipate.