My gf recently broke up with me, all of my friends have moved on with their lives, as we

I'm sick, lonely, and depressed. Not much more to say than that.

My gf recently broke up with me, all of my friends have moved on with their lives, as we are in our 30s, I can't stand my job, I recently missed to buy the house of my dreams.
(TITLE FROM REDDIT)

My back hurts. I think I overexerted it. Also, there’s seems to be a general rise in ignorance and selfish thinking- but that could just be a perception thing- oh. And intolerance. There’s too much in the world. Also- some other sort of conceptual stuff. But other than my back and a rising cost of living with comparatively inadequate wages- I’m feeling pretty good in my personal life thank you.

I realized how fast 25 years has gone by, and that I will be 50 before I know it. That scares the hell out of me. Even though I’m fit, I’ve been having a plethora of health issues in the past few months, and various diseases and disorders run in the family. Also, grandpa passed about a month ago, and I’m finding it hard to connect with family after that. It was the first major death in about 10 years, and it’s only worsened my insomnia.

Today is my birthday and usually people are happy about it, but I hate it. Every memory of my previous birthdays as a child and a teen are of my parents arguing.
As I am now 26, I havent lived with either of my parents for 5 years, but everytime my birthday comes up I just get a sour taste in my mouth. I feel sick and bitchy and I dont want to talk to people
But i have to because people wished be happy birthday so I'm forced to pretend to be happy to thank them

I genuinely worry about dying the day before half life 3 comes out

Not wishing anyone bad jujus but I feel genuinely at peace about not being popular in my high school years after finding out that the douches and douchettes lives peaked long ago

I recently had a massive panic attack which lead to a mental break down in front of my boyfriend who has a history of depressed partners and I just wish that I could be in a better state of mind because I really love him and I know that it can be hard when someone around you is struggling so much. I just feel like he deserves a break from sad partners but I have to understand that it's not my fault and I have to see that I am worth it because I am, he wouldn't be dating and caring for me if I wasn't. I know that I'm a great person, people seem to really like me so it must be true. I guess I just need to start seeing myself in a more positive light. I deserve the love I get and I shouldn't push people away just because I feel like I'm not worth it
I'm working through it but fuck is it tough
Anyway thanks for coming to me Ted talk...
[Shit that's a lot longer than I though it would be]

My previous chat

That freaking seat in the background

I’ve gotten bedsores from rarely leaving my bed due to depression. Woo.