Not mine. Found this somewhere else.

I do loathe hypothetical chickens. I'll queue up and wait for a couple thousand other people to get their slaps in first.

You sure you ain‘t chicken? (lol)

Ill slap it ten times. My part done

24, 546 slaps left

We have a long way to go. We really need to keep pecking away at this, people!

@xvarnah @grimreaper Start slapping

Why are we slapping chickens?

To cook them! Get slappin'!

Bones don't make good slappers.

Bones make the best slippers. No nerve-endings

Less talking(and slippers) and more slapping, we need to cook that chicken

Bones make good *slappers also

Will you contribute too, xvar?

Bones or slaps?

*slaps another 16 times* BACK TO SLAPPING PEOPLE! 24,530 MORE TO GO

*slaps it*
Who's your daddy?

His/her daddy's a bit of a cock

24,529 left. And @xvarnah, slaps.
@dr_richard_ew It‘s father is a drug dealer and a gangster.

Damn

-slaps-

Ow

Well get it together, ew

Also, I'm now unfortunately wondering how many slaps it would take to cook a human

*slaps*

That was a little uncalled for. I bruise like a peach, you know

You hit me, I hit you

Well maybe if you looked a bit less like a chicken these things wouldn't happen

And maybe if you didnt have such big manly hands then I wouldnt be hurt

But I thought that's why you recruited me? To cook the chicken faster

I am not a chicken

Well you should refrain from wearing such feathery clothing, then

*gasp!*
.......
*starts to weep*

I didn't say they weren't LOVELY feathers, just that they're a bit dangerous around a chicken slap-a-thon
'
@aviva do you see what happens when I start slapping things??

*sadly puts away my feathers and slaps the chicken again*

This chicken is still more alive than fully-cooked, and having a really confusing day to boot.

I'll snap its neck and put it out of its confusion

*slap its neck... No cheating!

MORE SLAPS PEOPLE!

How many slaps are left, @creativedragonbaby ? (24,526?)
@xvarnah I see. @dr_richard ew pull yourself together
@jasonmon Will you at least help count the remaining slaps for us please? lol

Nah. It’s 24,529 still. People have been slapping each other instead...

Ok. I think dr slapped the chicken once.

I slapped the chicken twice

24,527 slaps left.
@bethorien come help

*wants to hug the chicken*

*slaps* bad beth, bad beth!

*cries*

@dr_richard_ew
@grimreaper
SHE HIT ME
*continues crying*

Me? You must be mistaken

*bodyslams aviva for her sins*

*slaps dr* (lol)

*slaps aviva for slapping me*

SLAP THE FUCKING CHICKEN YOU NUTTERS

*slaps everyone at once*

Oi I was trying to take a nap over here

Starts chanting: *stop napping, start slapping*

-slaps the chicken-

WHY CANT WE JUST BE NICE TO EACH OTHER AND THE CHICKEN

Fine, 24,526 left. Let‘s start slapping.
@catfluff Start slapping
@bethorien Because this is a cruel world

*cries until aviva is nice to everyone*

But...but I am nice

No one has to be nice or not nice anymore. I’m getting a motorised slapping machine which will slap the fuck outta that chicken. Is everything okay now?

WHY CANT WE BE NICE TO THE CHICKEN TOO

Because some of us came a long way to slap it.

THATS NO EXCUSE TO BE MEAN TO THE CHICKEN

You know too much. *locks beth out of the room*

*cries sitting at the door until you let me back in and hug me*

You can‘t come in but *hugs*

*continues crying out side the door*

We all just ignoring how Aviva managed to phase through a door far enough to hug bethorien on the other side?

*continues crying*

Alright, Beth. No more chicken slapping. I’ll try to stop them. Does that work for you?

*continues crying*

Hey! Cheer up Beth. If you want us to stop slapping the chicken, I don’t know about the others, I’ll stop. Is that okay?

@xvarnah You can say I‘m out of this world lol
@bethorien Will you feel better if I say the chicken signed up for this for the sake of science?

LIES

How do you know? You weren‘t there

*knows how chickens work*
*continues crying*

I'm kinda getting hungry here. Where are we at on that chicken?
,
@abhinnav's genius chicken slapping machine can deliver us a delicious, piping hot dinner with no more people slaps, so that's good. @bethorien will be happy and everyone wins! :D ..........(well, almost everyone)

*slaps the chicken ten times*
24,536 slaps left to go

Thank you, Jason. Finally someone who knows the essence of this!
@porch_light Great!
@bethorien Would you prefer I “take care of it“ and make some food for everyone?

*slaps 16 times* 24,520 to go

STOP SLAPPING THE CHICKEN JUST LET IT BE A CHICKEN AND DO CHICKEN THINGS AND GET IT SOME THERAPY FOR THE PTSD IT HAS NOW

Finally some more progress!
*slaps it 20 times* 24,500 to go

Hold on, I'm making a slapping machine. I need some hands though. @dr_richard_ew wanna help? Got any spare hands?

*steals chicken and protects it forever*

I'm pretty sure the chicken is dead. Otherwise none of us would be slapping it

*gets another chicken* We'll have to start over guys. But at least we'll have a machine

*steals chicken back*
Chicken: “I signed up for this“

*offers 20 hands*

*each hand slaps it 100 times* 22,500 left.

*turns into typhon and slaps it 1000 times*

21, 500 left

*slaps the chicken 100 times with my 1000 hands*

YOU BURNT THE CHICKEN

NOW WE HAVE TO START OVER AGAIN
'
BRING ANOTHER CHICKEN!
'
Sorry @bethorien

*disowns all of you and calls the army to have you all arrested for animal abuse*

*Refuses to be disowned. Shows chicken agreement contract (CAC? lol) to army, and they let us go*

CHICKENS CANT LEGALLY SIGN AGREEMENTS

*chicken upset by such discrimination*

*hugs the lily so she wont disown me*

How many slaps does it take to cook a turkey?

no amount of slaps will actually cook anything unless you can do them within an extremely short amount of time

So what you're saying is we should be kicking it instead!

*continues crying that a chicken is being abused*

*eats the burnt chicken*

Hey guys, I got a new Chicken. Watch this.

*temporal fuckery ensues, 24,557 Tims appear to slap the chicken all at once*

24,557 of you wont fit around a chicken

We're doing it 5 at a Time.

This was about the chicken not a clone orgy

5 at a time wouldnt work

I'm going to regret asking this:
5 at a time wouldn't work for... the chicken? Or the orgy?

5 at a time wouldnt cook the chicken, hell 24,557 people slapping a chicken at once probably wouldnt cook a chicken

There's only one way to find out!

just, do the math. Or use logic.

Logically, someone could build scaffolding inside an old, empty grain silo. We could fit several hundred of us all up in there, each with our slapping arms dangling in to the central shaft. The consenting chicken could start its magical journey at the top and get slapped down and back up the shaft until it was complete. I feel like, if we were enthusiastic enough, we could cook several delicious chickens an hour.

thats not how science works

Stop killing creativity, @bethorien !
@jasonmon That‘s a fantastic idea