*sad virginity noises*

There’s a virgin in my bed and I didn’t know it? Where??

Sorry bud but you are barking up the wrong tree. I have a kid to prove it lmao.

Hey it's just been awhile. Stop looking at me like that.

I can neither confirm or deny those allegations. Any conclusions drawn in regards to the status of my virginity are purely speculative and cannot be used in any way, shape or form to represent my character.
In conclusion:
“I know you are, but what am I?”

Hey, mine's by choice.
I'm not ready to do that yet.

Oh, let me get out of the way of the mirror then

Tell that to my son.